Being a Pastor's Kid

Tuesday, October 28, 2014 2 Comments A+ a-

I remember the time when my friend Anne and I went on a ride to Jack's Ridge when I jokingly asked her to give me that cute little tin box from her car's dashboard drawer to which she was hesitant at first and told me she'd give me the Bible instead. I replied, we have a lot of that at home in different versions and translations as a matter of fact. Then she started asking me questions about the Bible to which I promptly and precisely answered. We discussed the Bible to the point that you can tell how much I know so much about the Bible. I even told her I read the whole book of Revelations, which is my favorite book of all.

She gave me that look of utter disbelief. Well, I couldn't blame her. I am known for being stubborn and mischievous, and being someone who have read the Bible is too far from how they've known me. Don't get me wrong, I just know the Bible - the same way I know my Science lessons. So, it's not what you think it is. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I'm not a devotee, a religious freak or something. But what shocked her the most was when I told her I am a Pastor's Kid (PK).

"PK ka pala? Really?!"

"Oo. Hindi pa ako pinanganak, pastor na papa ko."

"As in?"

"As in."

"Sure ka bai?"

"O, lagi!"

That kind of reaction isn't new to me. Di daw halata eh. You don't see me post and share biblical passages on Facebook. You don't see me raising my hand up, proclaiming 'Hallelujah' in church. You don't see me say grace before meals (but I do, just on my mind). You don't hear me say 'Thank you, Lord' always. I am never vocal about my spirituality. I admit it, I've got horns. So it's very unlikely for me to be one. But I am, unfortunately.

"I know a lot of Pastor's kids and they carry a burden" were her next words.

"I don't have a burden as a Pastor's kid," I said flatly out loud.

But now, as l looked back, I finally understood what she meant.

I heard a lot of stories about being a Pastor's kid. And there are actually common stereotypes about being a PK. First, one is perfectly just as expected as how PKs should be. Being a PK, you are expected to posses moral superiority and be biblically knowledgeable. Well, it is as if people see this like some sort of genes that can be passed on to the offsprings. Since the dad has it, well, it is expected that the children should have it.

Second, you screw up. Simply, a total opposite of  the first one.

I am glad to be neither one of those. I'm far from being a goody-two-shoes nor a screwed up directionless being (well, I may have screwed up a little but I've already learned from that). Living as a PK puts your life under a microscope, where everybody is watching every detail of you. Your actions, your words or the way you dress will be under everybody's noses. And most of the time they're too quick to judge your misbehavior, missteps, and failure. "Umayos ka nga, anak ka pa naman ng pastor", is what I commonly hear from the congregation whenever I didn't act the way a PK should be. Oo, para kang artista, lahat napupuna nila. Well, all throughout those years I've learned how to deal with that. I've accepted the fact that there is no perfect church, and that some members can be, I'll be brutally honest, jerks.

Well, aside from having a life in scrutiny and struggling to build my own identity (Oo, ako YUNG ANAK NI Pastor Andres), I am well aware of the pressure around me as I have to live up with people's expectations. So as a child, I have always equipped myself with lots and lots of memory verses, I always have to top and win the bible drills (I have memorized all the books of the old and new testament and I know just where to find them fast), I have to dress up decently at church, I have to be prim and proper, and I have to be a role model - someone just as good and as great as my dad. Not because my dad told me to (except for the dressing up in church, that's my mom's working). It's because that's how people see how a PK should be.

It was not easy. I realized being a PK can be tough at times. The more I think about what people will say and think of me is the more I am becoming less of myself. And the more I drift away to becoming what was expected of me.

I am a stubborn PK. I've had shares of getting bored and I sleep during our daily bible devotions. I only wanted to go to church because I have a lot of friends there (mostly other PKs as well) because we love to goof around the church. I only became active to church activities because of my friends. I sleep during sermons. I was never at the front pew. I am not a born leader; I would grudgingly say 'yes' whenever I am asked to lead a Sunday school for children. I am never religious to begin with.

But I am glad that my dad acknowledges me as a human, that just like everybody else, I am a sinner too. That I cannot be perfect and that I can make mistakes and learn from it. He gave me a room to grow and fail, which means, none is expected of me to be like him. I am far from being raised to perfection. I am raised and loved as I am. I was raised as a regular kid. And I believe this is the reason why I haven't totally gone astray.

As tough as it is to be living as a PK, I wouldn't have it any other way. One thing is for sure I am proud and forever be grateful growing up as a PK, my dad instilled in me the value of appreciating life's simplest blessings. Like being alive and well each time I wake up in the morning. That alone can change the way I see life and the world. Life, as we know it, is full of shit. But there will always be a reason, big or small, to be grateful to it. Those small blessings that oftentimes go unnoticed are manifestations of how much I am loved. And that has kept my faith in Him all these years. That's how I see things beautifully and positively. That's how I begin to see each little thing, in one way or another, as a blessing.

Having a positive outlook in life leads to positive thoughts which lead to positive actions which can be experienced and passed on to others which will eventually lead to becoming a positive being. And just by that, I know I'm making a difference even though I do not have a preacher's mouth or a minister's religiosity.

Looking back again, I am thankful that I am a girl whose dad happens to be a pastor. And I'm so glad that he's regarded a great pastor, but even more so, a greater dad.

Back when I still wore dresses and joined activities in church. Hehe


Awesome October Is Awesome

Monday, October 27, 2014 0 Comments A+ a-

Like I said before, I'm gonna make October awesome. There's still a few days left for November, but I can already say that my October is absolutely awesome. Aside from the getaways that happened this month and my sister's incoming birthday (yep, kainan nanaman), I regained something I lost, learned a lot from my day to day life, did something I've never done before, did something that made me happy, and the list goes on.

Okay, I'll be more specific. But please excuse my kababawan, you must understand that I've already learned the art of appreciating even the littlest of the little things. I've learned that it is really the little and simple things that make one genuinely happy.

-I've finally done an artwork after so many years (not the office tasks, okay?).

-I've finally traveled outside Davao after a long time (with the exception of GenSan. Haha).

-I got an awesome barkada who never fails to make me laugh. Cheers to 14 years of friendship!
12 years ago

Island Hopping

Sunday, October 26, 2014 3 Comments A+ a-

I can't remember how many times I've been to the beach just for 2014. Now, I'm really staying true to what I claim myself to be: a beach bum. Hehe. I just woke up from being knocked out after a whole day of Island Hopping with friends to celebrate my friend, Kevin's birthday (in advance).

I'm actually still at lost for words. My mind isn't fully functional yet.  I guess all that swimming and that dive I did from the top deck of the boat are to blame for that (*cough* excuses * cough*). So I'll just let the photos speak for it. I really don't have a lot of pictures though, some of these are just grabbed from my friends. :)
Kami at ang eskandalosong monopod ni Justin. Ok lang, smile pa rin.

The Jack Ridge Chronicles

Saturday, October 18, 2014 2 Comments A+ a-

Yep, that's Jack, not Jack's.

I am blogging this because I missed these girls:
Yeah, I do see them five days a week. But it's not everyday we get to have moments like this. It's been a long time since the five of us went out together. They make me feel (and act) so young that's why I love hanging out with them. Being with them would always mean episodes of gasping for breath and a hurting stomach from laughing too hard. Yes, these girls are really crazy, they just don't know it.

I've done it!

Monday, October 13, 2014 0 Comments A+ a-

All the while, I thought I lost it. Never thought it was just in deep slumber. And it only took an inspiration and a little push to awaken that. As I promised myself, I'll have one artwork done this year. Who would have thought I would have it this soon - in less than a day. I guess I was too hyped up to bring back what I thought was lost. I even had to scour the malls just to buy all that I need for this overcoming-artist's-block project even though I'm not feeling really well. But it was worth it. 

I know I still need a lot of practice though. It took a while before my hand stopped being fidgety. It's not that good, but it's not bad either. But I know in my heart, as I want to believe, I nailed it. And what matters now is that I felt that satisfaction once again. The feeling is overwhelming, it seems like it's going to steal me from my sleep tonight. Haha. Kidding.


Anyway, this man right here is my bestfriend, my confidant, my mentor, my pingpong coach, my biking buddy, my counselor, my tagasaway na utro pud pasaway, my kilig factory, my panda, my gummy bear (kay makagigil), my pillow, and of course, my inspiration. I hope I did justice to his beautiful face even though I think I overdid the goatee. Haha. :P

Unblocking

Sunday, October 12, 2014 2 Comments A+ a-

I was mindlessly lurking on my Facebook news feed when I suddenly stumbled upon one of my friend's drawings. I stared at it for a long time. Something bothered me. It couldn't be the stroke or the colors or the medium used. It's actually a pretty good drawing. But something is stirring up in my heart, and it's mixture of feelings of anguish, remorse, envy, and then there's a sudden longing.

I realized I terribly miss drawing.

When was the last time that I actually drew something? I don't effin' remember. I haven't been doing vectors and vexels, nor simply draw with a pen and paper for years. Yes, it has been years! I have been stuck. Although at some point, I would draw something, then I suddenly don't want to proceed. I stop and never finish it. The feeling of 'it's not good enough' is holding me back that I just toss whatever I had started and move on as if I haven't done anything.

Today, I grabbed a pencil and paper and started to think. Nothing came out. So I decided to do something random but my hand refused to move. I never knew one could be rusty at this. I lost the connection between my mind and my hand - they used to be very collaborative. But now, I have nothing. I know I could do something, but I just couldn't do it. No. I didn't lost the interest in drawing. I still love it. But I think I lost the verve to it.

If there's such thing as an artist's block, then I am suffering from it. And it's damn near impossible to find the reason why.  But I need to overcome this because it feels like an emotional suicide. It is depressing. I never thought it could feel this devastating when you feel you're no longer fit to do something you know you were good at.

I want to be the same old Sarah, that time when I itch to draw something just anywhere - be it on a phone, a tissue paper, even on my bag, or even on a cafeteria's table (yep, I've had a share of vandalism before, creative vandalism at that. haha).
Circa 2010.
When I am bored, I don't play games on my phone, I doodle instead.
And this is something that I miss doing.

What to do when you're awake

Friday, October 10, 2014 0 Comments A+ a-

You know what's worse than having a nightmare? Not being able to fall asleep. In my case, however, it is the difficulty of going back to sleep. It has been days. I could do with little sleep at night given that I don't have work to do in the morning. And I wish I didn't have to work in the morning.

I think of the reasons why. Stressed from work? Maybe. Lack of Exercise? Could be. Anxiety? But to what? Maybe I've been thinking a lot lately that's why I get robbed of sleep. Probably not. It's easy for me to fall asleep as easy as it is to wake up. The slightest sound or movement awakens all my senses, I end up rolling my eyes and giving out a heavy puff because I know I'd be having hard time going back to sleep. But more often than not, I wake up at dawn for no obvious reason, no matter how tired I am the whole day. Desperate times indeed call for desperate measures for I found myself reading countless articles how to battle insomnia and stuff like that. Apparently, nothing works.

An Unexpected Guest

Wednesday, October 8, 2014 0 Comments A+ a-

A few weeks ago an old friend dropped by unexpectedly. He's a regular guest, always coming unannounced.

We had something way back. We were roommates for a varying length of time. I think he's cool. He says I rock in that Taylor Swift raccoon eye make-up. We watched movies together and he loves Harry Potter too. We read books together and we do it all night long. I think he's smart. He always has this way of stimulating my mind. We exchanged ideas from night until morning. He's creative too. Sometimes he fuels my imagination as I've done a lot of artworks with him. I had a lot of fun and memorable experience with him that there are times I would never want him to leave. But he left anyway.

It's been a long time. We haven't spoken for months or maybe it was a year ago since I last saw him. I have watched the World Cup alone that sometimes I wish he'd come so I'd never have a shut-eye moment and we can both cheer for our favorite teams. He never paid a visit. Not once. I already felt comfortable and got used to not having him around. I felt so much better without his presence that I almost forgot about him. Until one day he came through the back door.

He discreetly went straight into my room and unpacked his bag. He used to bring with him trepidation, loathing, and regret. I'm not certain what he has for me this time. One thing I know is for sure though, he's not here to stay for the night. He even went with us on a short vacation just recently.

As much as I no longer want to welcome him, he's an old friend that's hard to push away. I'll be waking up to my dreams again, good or bad. I'll be having 3am musings again, like this one I am typing right now.

Surigao Adventures: Tinuy-an Falls, Enchanted River, and More

Tuesday, October 7, 2014 2 Comments A+ a-

WARNING: IMAGE OVERLOAD

What could be more fun when you go on a trip unplanned? Well actually, we planned this trip two weeks ago. Everything was almost set that we almost booked for a packaged trip: complete with an itinerary, a place to stay, and transportation. What we only have to do is enjoy the trip. Three days later, more than half of our company backed out. So from ten, we went down to four. Haha. Bummer.

The four of us pushed through though. Not sure how exactly we're going to make it since nobody has been to Surigao before. We were only equipped with what other blogs feed us about how to go the Enchanted River and that was it. But we went on as planned: go to Enchanted River and explore Britannia Islands.

Okay, just so you know, I am not a travel blogger. And if I were, I'm not a good one at that. But I will try to be detailed as much as I can (as far as I can remember). What you will read here will be more of our experiences and [mis]adventures during this getaway. I won't promise I'll be generous with words because what I will say will most likely be an understatement, it may or may not convey what we have actually seen, heard or felt. But I'll try my best anyway. And I'll be honest as honest can be. So here goes..

Day 1 - Come What May
We left at 2am from Davao City boarding a bus going to Mangagoy, Bislig City, Surigao, taking us there by 8am. The moment we stepped down the bus, habal-habal drivers approached us asking where are we headed. Took us quite some time to answer because we just realized we don't have an itinerary.

We scoured the map and located all the places we want to go to and discussed then and there what's the best to do to maximize the trip. What would we do without Jan's phone? Haha. We decided to go to Tinuy-an Falls, proceed to Enchanted river, and lastly, stay overnight at Britannia. So after befriending and having negotiations with the drivers, we hailed a habal-habal to take us to our destinations.

First destination: Tinuy-an Falls
Dubbed as little Niagara falls (or something like that), it was more majestic than what I saw on pictures. Stunning. Breath-taking, to say the least. We rented a life vest (optional at 30 pesos each), and enjoyed the cool and refreshing waterfalls.
Tinuy-an Falls

Rant

Thursday, October 2, 2014 0 Comments A+ a-

From the title itself, I guess it would be better if you close this blogsite now because I assure you, no good will come out of what I'm about to write.

1. Work. I'm not that infuriated yet, so I promise there will be no cussing here. Because if I would, there's going to be so much cussing to do if I begin to say something about how my day at work has been. Well, I guess that's much of a giveaway. You already know what I mean.

2. Trash. I never thought I will be this concerned about the cleanliness in our city. You see, Davao is clean and still green despite being a highly urbanized city. Where trees are visible block to block, where air is still breathable, and where streets are noticeably clean. And it irks me to see some people throwing their trashes recklessly. Tsk. Shame on them. Makalagot ba.

3. Internet. Aaaargh. It's nowhere near its promised speed. I'm paying in full but I'm getting half assed service. Customer service doesn't even seem to help. Gagawa ng report wala namang nagagawa ang report. Hello PLDT, I hope your internet speed is as fast as you send your bills.

4. Kakakain ko lang. Gutom na naman ako.

Ano na?

Well, I mentioned earlier that no good will come of what I'm going to write. I take it back. Yes, pronto! This is why I love to write. Whenever I release all that negative vibes (through writing), I feel much much better. Remember Newton's third law of motion? That in every action, there's an equal opposite reaction. Because I'm ranting (and whining) and I don't want dwell on that, I might as well say something good. Come to think of it, good things also happened today.

1. I bought a(nother) rash guard. 'Cause we're going on a getaway! Spell E-X-C-I-T-E-D.

2. I made a list. A list of the things that I'm going to bring for the trip. I don't know how making a list makes me happy. But it does. Really.

3. The boyfriend. Need I say more?

4. Food. Kakain ulit ako.

Ciao! Tomorrow's Friday! I'm looking forward to the long weekend. Yehess!

October

Wednesday, October 1, 2014 0 Comments A+ a-

A rather stressful day capped my September. I was really piqued at work. I think I'm already biting more than I can chew, I could use a break right now. Tired and almost at my wit's end, I still have a lot to be thankful for nonetheless.

I thank God for waking me up each day, one after another, to face a brand new day with a strength to carry on. I thank Him for all the blessings He bestowed upon me.

Thankful for this blog for being my chum that I share with him almost every thought I have, good or bad. For listening without judging, without complaints, without getting fed up with my rants and other things that are not even share-worthy. And of course, for helping me hone my writing skills.

For Rhett, my human alarm clock. For his silly antics that start my day with a smile. And for reminding me to appreciate life's simple and little things. It's because of him I began to see things beautifully.

For friends who are always there through thick and thin; who never fail to give me a hearty laughter or two each day.

For Jan, who acts like a sponge whenever I vent out my frustrations. For always being there to put a smile on my face no matter how rough my day has been. His gentle kiss before we part ways makes me happy that I go home leaving all the crap behind, looking forward to seeing him again the next day.

And last but not the least, to life itself. For constantly reminding me that shit happens and I am a survivor to a daily those of it.

Overall, September has really been good to me. Come October, let the rumpus begin!