Yes it does. And nobody told me about it.
Nobody handed out manuals for Surviving Adulthood back in school. And the How to Become an Adult kit didn't come with foolproof instructions either. So I had to figure that out myself. When I turned 30, I paused and re-evaluated my life. Ten years into adulthood and what exactly have I done? Shouldn't I be grown up by now? I grit my teeth.
Back then, I was really excited to become an adult and have my freedom. I wanted the days to move forward to the time when I no longer have to seek parental consent each time I wanted to do something or go somewhere. And then one day, I just woke up being officially an adult only to realize that the only good thing that comes along with adulthood is that you don't have to lie anymore about your age being over 18 so you can have a booze. Other than that, adulthood wasn't exactly what I was expecting. You'd be more deprived of freedom even - a slave of your job or your lifestyle. And it also comes with this one-size-fits-all notion of how you should live your life: how you should act, who you should be, and what you should have. Ten years into adulthood and my life doesn't measure up. Not even up to par of what's acceptable to the eyes of the society.
Yes, I am an adult - a pseudo-adult for that matter. I'm old enough to drink, drive, vote, watch porn (and don't get judged for it), get married, have kids, and so on. Except, I don't really feel like an adult. I don't think I'd fit in to anything labeled "adult" or "grown up". Responsible, consistent, organized, independent, focused, and prim are perhaps the best words to associate to an adult and I wouldn't use any of them to describe me. Not even close.
But more than just burnt bacons and instant noodles, the real horror of adulthood comes from taxes and finances, parenting, 9-5 jobs and loathsome bosses, laundry, bills that multiply uncontrollably, the thought of not being able to settle down, settling down, and pretty much every boring and overwhelmingly unpleasant responsibilities you can think of. I do not have the skills to juggle all those responsibilities gracefully, let alone take down a moose. All I can think of right now is cancel adulting and just wrap myself in blanket and become a burrito.
|My life lately.|
Then guilt would start creeping in. Oh guilt, thou art such a heartless bitch. And I would feel worthless. So I try to become an adult again. And try not to fail as much as possible. And this time, it would already seem like a chore.
And I always fail. It seems like I wasn't really built for this.
This becomes an endless cycle of misery. And the next thing I know, I am slumped and stressed as can be. So at 30, after too many attempts trying to be a real and proper adult, I have given up adulting and have settled for something light and fun. I decided not to take life too seriously. This is because I suspect nobody really figured out what becoming an adult really means. Only, people pretended they have all their shit together. After all, I, too, have the rest of the world fooled into believing I'm actually doing a pretty good job being an adult who has it all figured out (whatever that it is). But really, I'd rather fail growing up and be happy about it than live miserably while trying to live how an adult should be.
Anyway, I've had enough adulting for today. And perhaps also tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. And if anyone needs me, I built a fort, you can find me there. Say the magic word if you wish to enter. I'm watching Disney movies, so please bring popcorns. Or bacon.