Thoughts on Moving On

Tuesday, October 27, 2015 24 Comments A+ a-

Things don't always work the way we want it to be.

Because life was never meant to be perfect. Shit happens. There will always be those days in your life when you have been wronged or have made decisions you regret. Days when you've poured too much of your time, effort, and invested a lot of emotion on something - a relationship, a job, or anything you've committed yourself into - and yet, things don't come your way. There are days you'd feel down, disappointed, or devastated. And days when slumping into the dumps felt more comforting than anything else.

But no matter what you do, there is no way you can ever change those days that happened in your life. You can only linger for too long on the pain, and that's just about it. Pain will always be part of who we are. What defines us, however, is how to see the way things are and how we react on them. So, you can either choose to stay down in deep shit, or just look on the brighter side, stand up, and move on. Because either way, you will eventually get out, and you would certainly be not the same person anymore. So choose to be the better one.

Someday, all the things that happened in your life will be but memories. You'll forget the pain, the reason you're hurt, and who caused you those tears. You will realize that those things of the past are the ones weighing you down on your journey; that there is no way you can embrace the new life you want if you are still holding on to the baggages of the past; that the secret to attaining peace within yourself is being free. Free of grudges, bitterness, and hatred. Let go of those baggages and let a new life unfold before you.
Don't let yesterday consume all the time you have today. After all, what really matters is not how you begin your journey but how well you made it through and how you ended it. Life is beautiful. So look on the brighter side of life, forgive, and love all over again. :)

I feel...

Saturday, October 24, 2015 24 Comments A+ a-


As a matter of fact, I am. I am growing more anxious as the days pass by. Every day, when I wake up, I am in an argument with myself of where I should be and what I should be doing. I am in a grey area. The place that falls somewhere in the middle. The place between yes and no, happy and sad, here and there. The place where everything is uncertain. Falling into the grey area is like enduring a balancing act, one foot on a rope high above the ground and the other dangling on the air. A place most of us don't want to be in.

I wish life was as simple as black and white. But it isn't. Not anymore. And it will never be.

Life has become a tedious journey for me. And in every chapter of the journey, there's the beginning that is exciting, a destination that is rewarding, and the the middle? I'd say it's the hardest part. It is an unsettling place. An uncomfortable place where both the extreme ends are trying to pull you away.

I am standing still in the middle of the gruelling road of where I was and where I should be. And I am beginning to belittle my existence and my worth because at this point I just did the worst thing I could do... I stopped. I stopped just because I'm not quite sure what to do and I was afraid to put my efforts to waste. All these waiting, thinking, and over thinking have made me paralyzed that I begin to question the value of pursuing success in life.

But I'm not quite ready to give up yet. I've already come too far for that. Becoming stuck in the middle prompted me to look around for signs and directions. I know here and now, I need guidance the most. I moved away my eyes that were glued on the road for a long time. And it turns out that in every area I've passed - white, black, or grey - He was there all along. I've been too focused overcoming the roadblocks and bumps along the way, and all this time I thought it was all I ever got. But I've never been so wrong. I've got something larger than life. He is faithful as He was from the beginning.
Lead me, Lord.

I am still in the middle. I am still not sure where I should be headed. The road ahead of me is still uncertain. Dark days could be up ahead. Who knows? I may or may not be ready for that. And it is very tempting to quit. But God has never let me go. Yes, I am in the middle. But I think this is where exactly God has put me now. This is where I needed to be. Because in the middle, this is where we are tested. This is where we are made. This is where we build ourselves before we can move forward to the days ahead.

Yes, I am in the middle. The grey area. The place where most people don't want to be. But if there's one thing I am absolutely certain now amidst the uncertainty is that I am not displaced after all.

The Fine, Elegant, and Noble Art of Not Giving a Fuck

Monday, October 19, 2015 36 Comments A+ a-

WARNING: "Adult" language, although not necessary, will be used a lot in this post.

While I was taking a dump, I just realized that my presence in the internet is becoming large that I am now running the risk of being exposed to one of its dark sides: the snide comments and personal attacks.

These keyboard warriors, or maybe trolls, could be anywhere - lurking and waiting for the moment to pounce you with their filthy language and wild insults. If you aren't smart enough, you'd fall victim to their relentless barking, take the bait and latch yourself into the perpetrator's mouth, and you become emotionally consumed before you even know it. Well, if I didn't know better I would have gladly fed them by responding to their audacity - which is often fueled by the power vested upon by their anonymity - to give meaning to their life even if it sounds pathetic. But I realized I just ran out of fucks to give.

But I won't be talking about keyboard warriors or trolls here. They've already gotten too much fucks from my previous paragraph alone. However, I'm here to talk about the fine, elegant, and noble art of not giving a fuck. Because not giving a fuck is like bacon, it makes your life better.
Damn. I simply love ideas coming from the toilet.

Why should you not give a fuck? 
You see, all our lives, we have devoted every waking hour caring far too much how to please other people, worrying if we look cool enough for them starting from the clothes we wear.

But here's the thing you must understand: no matter who you are, where you're from, or what you say or do, people will judge, criticize, or hate you. Nobody is an exception to that. Unless you're a cat because nobody gives a fuck about licking your own ass.

As emotional beings, our emotions don't really fall under our direct control. Yes, we can feel bad about it. We're not immune to that. And we shouldn't be. But we know what's happening. And as rational beings, we can react or decide whether to indulge or feed our attacker's fantasies of putting us down or not. We have a fuckin choice here.

Should you wrap yourself miserably in other people's bullshit? Or should you just freeze people out by actually not giving a fuck?

How to actually not give a fuck.
Simple. You just have to accept yourself. "Not giving a fuck" in modern English translates to, "I accept myself." You know who you are. You know what you want. The opinion of other people about you will not really matter. Because frankly, my dear, the universe doesn't give a fuck about the fuck it has given you. So why should you give a fuck?

When you give a fuck, make sure it's worth it.
Fucks are given everywhere even in situations that don't deserve it. Fandoms, for example. Tweet something bad about a celebrity, and devoted fans from the pits of Hades will be there to fight eye for an eye, then all hell breaks loose. Or ever saw someone got infuriated just because of a misspelled name on the coffee cup? Exactly. Fuck those fucks given. You see, that's how life fucks us, when we choose to give a fuck at every petty little thing we can actually just shrug off.

Be selective to what and who you give your fucks to. Give a fuck to what really matters in your life like family, friends, or a career. And if there's one most important person that you should give a fuck to, that would be yourself. So do yourself a favor and stop offending yourself and be the fuckin person you want to be and start not giving a fuck about what others think (without being an asshole, okay?). So do whatever the fuck you want with your life and just die fuckin happy.

P.S. I don't even know what P.S. means, but I don't give a fuck. Anyway, I realize the profanity of language in this post is damn too high. But as long as I made my point clear, then who gives a fuck?

Blogging and the Power of Vulnerability

Friday, October 16, 2015 32 Comments A+ a-

When I started blogging, I was only a college student who thought life was so full of shit (although I still think it is) that I blogged about how shitty and unfair life can get after stepping on a bubble gum with your brand new shoes. Half of the time I was ranting. And half of it, I was trying to make myself look good. My voice was soft, quiet, and dampened back then. I wasn't comfortable being myself. So I wrote only of the things I wanted the people to read because I was ashamed and afraid. I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid that people I don't even know would hate me. I was afraid that they may see me less of a person by my choice of words. I was careful with anything I wrote that hitting the publish button was a challenge.

Years passed and life became shittier than it was. It became so murky that I couldn't help but type my words to let the fog out and have some sense of clarity. It was hard for me to open up. Questions began to surface when I started showing the profound and "less edited" version of me. Questions that begin with what if. It's pretty amazing how the simple and innocent words What and If - which are perfectly harmless on their own - can become really catastrophic when combined. It's like a bomb that when dropped would make me go back scampering inside my shell. What if people will judge me for this? What if they'll think I'm like this or that? What if it's not good enough? It was a war between me and my inhibitions. A struggle to survive the pangs of truth.

Truth is, blogging makes you vulnerable. And it's not easy to become wounded and let people sprinkle you with salt.

It is one way of opening yourself up to public scrutiny. You would occasionally find yourself the target of judgment, criticism, and unsolicited advice. People will begin to question your opinion, decisions, or principles. And most of the time, they can be vile, ruthless, and they show no tact. You can get bashed, flamed, ridiculed, or trolled for genuinely expressing yourself. You can be misunderstood. And unfortunately, this ordeal is inevitable.

But with this continuing struggle, I've seen the power and beauty of vulnerability in blogging. For years of posting and trying to be as genuine as I can, I didn't know that by opening myself to others, I was making a difference. It was unbelievable that having the courage to post something dismal or something most of us wouldn't dare tell anyone about can draw admiration worthy of virtual pats on the back. Mistakes I've made. Things I've done that I'm not proud of. Bad life-changing decisions. Shares of failure. And those moments I wish I've never been through. Showing the authentic self not only made me realize that I wasn't alone but it served as a bridge to reach out to others, to truly touch or inspire another. It creates a connection because you're giving away more than just the facade. You present yourself as a human, capable of being wounded, just like the others.

I have embraced vulnerability. But that doesn't mean my shame and fears have all gone away. It never will. I'd be lying if I say I am not scared. But I'd rather be vulnerable, put myself out there and be seen as a human being than dodge the blows and stand behind a mask of lies (which then defeats the purpose of a blog). If there's one thing I learned about being vulnerable is that you can be hated not for who you are but for the vision people have of you. And none of that will really matter. Being vulnerable is not always a pleasant experience but as long as I am alive and breathing then I will stay vulnerable. Because being vulnerable builds a gentle and quite breeze of freedom inside. And trust me, it can never feel so right.

So be vulnerable. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. And write like no one's reading.

9 Exciting and Adventurous Date Ideas

Monday, October 12, 2015 49 Comments A+ a-

Oftentimes, people see dating as eating out together at a fancy restaurant, holding hands while walking at the mall, hanging out in a coffee shop, or watching movies together. That's cute. But I think I've already outgrown these kind of dates and I don't get impressed with pretty flowers and chocolates anymore. On a second thought, the chocolates would do. Super dark, please.

Anyway. Jan and I have been going out on countless dates and we are always on the look for something that will allow us to truly know each other but... with a twist. We're looking for something beyond those movie dates and candelight dinners. Something more challenging and exciting. Something worth reminiscing and laughing about over and over again.

Here's a list of nine exciting date ideas (as illustrated in crappy pictures) that we have been doing, and I thought I might share this with you, too - which you may also this find interesting and fun to try:

1. Chase waterfalls
Jan and I have been to a lot of waterfalls. Mysteriously, the waterfalls has its way of drawing us close to nature. Its power combined with grace can give us sense of peace, inspiration, and pleasure. Should the need to relax arises, the waterfalls' mists and roaring thunder can soothe the weary nerves. And not only will it pull you close to nature but closer to each other, too.

Vote for SarWrites at Bloggys 2015

Thursday, October 8, 2015 24 Comments A+ a-

I was never made for popularity contests. I cringe at the attention. Although I was popular on my own before. I was top of the class batch for the number of absences, lates, and incident reports made. But other than that, I am unknown to many. Never won or even joined a contest that decides the winner through voting. My charms, or lack thereof, is not enough to win a vote or two.

But sometimes the inevitable happens that I am forced to compete. So here I am, asking for two minutes of your time to vote for my blog at Bloggys 2015 - Philippine Blogging Awards. Because surprisingly, my blog has made it to the shortlist of the Philippine's most prestigious blogging awards in search of the country's finest bloggers.

Not that I'm aiming to win the "People's Choice" award here. I know my chances are way too slim to nothing. Who am I, anyway? I am barely visible in the blogosphere. A crack on the sidewalk in the avenue of stars. Yadda yadda. Yet, despite being wala lang, I don't want to be the first from the bottom either. Ayaw ko namang maging kulelat no. I'd probably melt in shame if I only get 4 votes by default (one coming from me, my boyfriend, and my mom and dad). Although I don't think I'd even know how many votes I'll get. But still. Kaya eto kakapalan ko na mukha ko.

So, if you could...
Can you say NO to this?

Vector Art: Workadas

Wednesday, October 7, 2015 0 Comments A+ a-

I haven't done so much of this, and I know need a lot of practice now. I seemed to be satisfied with a botched artwork. Ugh. But hey, my friends loved it! :)


Expecto Patronum!

18 Comments A+ a-

Do you know what Dementors do aside from guarding the prisons of Azkaban? They suck light and happiness out of you. They feed on every good feeling or every happy memory until you are left with nothing but despair.

Just like everyone in the wizarding world, muggles also have dementors of their own. They come in the form of the true horrors of our past to minute daily life inconveniences such as the horrible meat and bread ratio in a sandwich you just bought.

Well, life was never meant to run on an even and straight path. It's not a bed of roses. And it isn't always going to be rainbows and butterflies (and whatever cliches you can think of). Every now and then, we experience trials, torment, tribulation, or trepidation - which is really my overstated way of saying, life sucks. Shit happens. These inconveniences, no matter how big or small they are, can completely unhinge you and ruin your mood, your day, and your attitude towards others.

Somehow, a lot of us find ourselves in that slump and choose to stop seeing the brighter side of things. I am guilty of that at some point. But what suddenly dawned on me while watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (for the nth time) earlier is that the power of positivity is overwhelming but is often underestimated. All these negativity can actually be warded off. The same way dementors can be repelled with a Patronus Charm.

You see, the Patronus Charm is a projection of all your most positive feelings. It requires more than just saying the spell, Expecto patronum! It can only be conjured when you think of a powerful happy memory. So what I'm really trying to say is, when you are becoming a living proof of Murphy's law (anything that can go wrong, will go wrong), the first step to conjure the charm, just like how Harry Potter did it for the first time, is to think of anything that makes you happy.
Bacon, for example.

Yeah, I may have made life sound so magical, but I regret to inform you there will be no unicorns, incantations, wand-waving, or pixie dusts here. The only magical thing about this is that the seemingly insignificant things have the greatest powers to completely turn that frown upside down on an otherwise bad day. I am a believer of little things. I believe in counting your blessings no matter how small it is.

Recognizing those life's tiny miracles isn't really that hard. It's in the kindness of people you've never met before. It's the stranger that opened the door for you. It's the joke you overheard somewhere that made you laugh. It's your dog that's so happy to see you when you get home from work. It's the food on your plate. It's the clothes you wear. Or the shelter in the rain. It's your friends and family that never left your side. It's the air you breathe. It's being alive. It's simply just being thankful for all those things that often go unnoticed. And when you fill your heart with gratitude, there will be no room for discontentment. There will be no room for dementors.

My life isn't exactly how I expected it to be. Yes, I have a broken bike, a thinning wallet, (skill-wise) self-esteem issues, ugly and manly hands, a fugly big zit on my face, but I also have wonderful friends, a smart kid, an amazing boyfriend, supportive family, a sound mind, and a healthy body.

As cliche as it may sound, whatever it is that you experience, however big or small or nasty it is, things do get better eventually. There will always be a reason to be thankful. So choose to be thankful. Keep calm and just Expecto patronum!


Tuesday, October 6, 2015 18 Comments A+ a-

I went 3 days without the internet. Not that I did it on purpose. It's the crap PLDT, that is (wow pldt is getting a lot of attention from my blog lately).

I just saw myself reacting poorly to the situation by getting agitated by, excuse my word, inutile customer service representatives who cannot help solve internet problems brought about by my ISP's poor quality service.

But then I realized I may have lost my internet connection, but I gained something. TIME. A lot of it. I gained a few extra hours a day. Not to mention, I've added a few more hours of sleep which internet has robbed me off since forever. But that doesn't mean I won't lash out for the frustration of not having a decent internet connection. I didn't pay hard-earned money for crap. (Yes, I'll get back at you, PLDT.)

So for three days without the internet, I was far more productive. I finished my tasks gracefully ahead of time and I've got spare time for a hobby or two. I felt good about myself. And even better to have miraculously survived three days without internet. Yay! So aside from exercising, breathing fresh air, and catching a glimpse of the sunshine... for the past three days:

1.  I drew something.  If it wasn't for Facebook, I wouldn't realize adult coloring books are a trend. They said it's a good way to relax and de-stress. Pero mas lalo ata akong nastress sa presyo ng isang coloring book. So I figured I just have to make do of whatever I have: a pen and paper.

I decided to draw something that I can color later. But then I realized I'm pretty bad at coloring. There are too many lines and it stresses me out. Plus, I couldn't even follow one simple rule: to stay within the lines. Pfft! So I just let it stay that way.