I remember the times I get tongue-tied whenever I am asked, "kailan kayo naging kayo?"  That is probably the easiest question any couple will come across with. Not in our case though. We're just as clueless as anybody who would ask us the same question.

Kailan nga ba?  

Honestly, I do not know exactly when because at some point of our friendship, it just happened. Nothing was ever forced. We were like magnets pulled together in a force we can never break away from. Courtship never even happened - which is actually a good thing because Jan never had to put his best foot forward. But I do remember that a year ago, today, Jan and I made it official for formality's sake. It was nothing cheesy nor romantic at that time. The date didn't even matter.

So it follows we don't celebrate 'monthsaries' either. We think it's rather pointless to count the months that we are together, isn't it? I used to make a big deal out of monthsaries back when I was young and all that mattered to me was that it's something that's befitting for couples in love. Not until I met Jan.

Happy 30th birthday to my best friend, my confidant, my mentor, my challenger, my bully, my biking buddy, my travel mate, my panda bear, my pillow, and of course, my inspiration. You have always been my rock. And even though I don't really like relying on other people, I seem to rely on you so much. Yes, you are spoiling me, so thank you. Haha.

Aside from the 100-peso ukay-ukay jacket that I inadvertently got for your birthday which is really not useful for every day use, and since I got nothing else better to give, here's just a simple post to let you know that I am indeed very thankful for all the things you do. :)

Thank you lab for being there for me, not because you have to but because you want to.

Thank you for your messages that fire up my lazy mornings.

I've got three words: I. Don't. Know.

They say that once you have found the one, you just know it. But the truth is, no you don't. Anyone struck by the stupid cupid's arrow would always feel like he/she has found the one. Kahit sino naman siguro, kapag mahal mo, lagi mong iisipin na siya na. Pero hindi pala. Yeah, I've been there. Done that. Apparently, the one I thought was the one isn't the one after all.

Right now, I am in a relationship where I am genuinely happy. Whatever I feel is more than just the butterflies in my tummy. It goes deeper than that. This is the point in my life when I know love isn't just a magical feeling but a decision to make. This is when I say I want him in my life. This is when I chose to love him despite the odds and all those shit that came along. I love him not because he is an amazing person, or because he can make me laugh, or because I feel home whenever I'm with him, or because he makes me a better person. I love him just because I love him despite his flaws and imperfections.

My lab,

I love the way you look at me, the way you make me laugh, the way you tell me to eat the last grain of rice on my plate, and for letting me eat food I've never tasted before. I love the way you randomly kiss me, the way you squeeze my love handles or massage my back. I love it when it rains because you would hold me very close to you while we share the same umbrella. I love it when you try to fight sleepiness despite being tired from the whole day's work just because you still want to spend more time with me. And yes, I can name more.

Sunset Beach. December 30, 2013.

Do you remember that day? I took this during our first date at the beach. This has always been my dream date. And you should know how happy I am to wake up one day knowing that it was a dream no more. And the best part? I got to spend that day with you. It was perfect. Just how I imagined it. But you know what? I realized that dream dates are nothing. Perfect dates are nothing. Really.

I could not find the right words to express how I feel right now. Seems everything I will say is an understatement. I am happy. I really really really am.

Hey you, handsome man with a goatee... you are mine now. And I hope you are sure of what you're getting into because I won't be giving up on you easily. Hahaha. I love you.

It's been a long time since Jan and I spent a long time together. And I'm really happy to be spending even just a little time with him. ^_^

I am at my lowest point today. I lost my appetite, my motivation to work, and myself. I went to the office with very low spirits; unable to laugh at jokes, unable to hold a short conversation, unable to do anything right. And even those cheer-ups and pat-on-the-backs from my friends didn't work.

I smile to suppress whatever it is that I am feeling and for them not to notice it but my eyes say otherwise. The feeling's already too heavy to contain I was about to burst.

Thank God, there's Jan who was there for me even if he wasn't in his best condition. I wouldn't know how to cope if he wasn't there. Thank you Lord, for giving me a shoulder to cry on.

Jan, thanks again. I got your back, you got mine. Here's a song for you :)

A little conversation over Viber with someone special, not to mention, someone that I miss is more than enough to make my day. :)

Right now, I feel I am irrationally attracted to someone. And it is not just a mere form of sexual or romantic attraction. I know it runs deeper than that. There's a connection. A strong one at that. It feels like there's something in my core that inevitably, irresistibly, and inexplicably pushes me to connect with that person.

And that connection is the reason why from being a risk-taker I became too cautious because losing that connection is what scares me the most. On the other hand, if I don't take risks, I might end up losing what's already there.

I hate dilemmas. This is kinda hard. All my life I thought choosing what dress to wear is the hardest thing to decoide on. haha

While commuting on my way home, I caught someone looking at me with a hint of smile in his eyes. Then I realized maybe he caught me in deep thought while staring blankly in an open space and then suddenly smiling from time to time. I may have looked crazy at that moment, but I can't help it. There are just simple things that can make me smile, and even just the thought of it can already make me happy.

If there's one thing life has taught me, it is to be thankful for the simplest and even the most ordinary things in life.

There's really no need to sprinkle on a little fancy or throw in flowery words to experience the extraordinary. Ordinary things can really be awesome sometimes.

Sharing ordinary moments with someone, like for example, having a simple but intimate conversation under a tree, or simply blurting out the same set of words simultaneously (this is a rare phenomenon and it is something to smile about hahaha), or simply talking about random things over a cup of coffee, or a simple holding of hands that can send shivers down your spine -- these are the kind of moments you (or I, for that matter) would love to hold, cherish and would tend to reminisce over and over.

I believe in simple acts, simple words, simple everything because they are, after all, the genuine ones; and nothing can beat something that is real. :)

Ecstatic.

That's exactly how I am feeling right now (and the past few days, of course!).

I never believed in chemistry (although it was one of my favorite subjects before). Chemistry, spark, compatibility, really? I was skeptic until I was the one who experienced it first-hand. Funny thing is, at 28, I never thought I'd feel this way. You know, just like the way you felt during those teeny weeny years when you got butterflies on your tummy. But this time, I know it is something more than that. Something more profound.

Bliss. And it is genuine.

Yeah, it feels good. No, it feels insanely great. And to say that, is an understatement.