First of all, I really don't know what to say.

I am still waiting for my brain to fully process my thoughts and turn them into words. Because right now, my mind's clouded with emotions that the words just might not come out right [insert inaudible words, shriek, and mild and stifled sobs here]. And I also suspect ninjas have been cutting onions in front of me again.

But it's not what you think it is. No drama, I promise. Earlier today, I was in for a huge surprise because.... drumroll please...

When I started blogging, I was only a college student who thought life was so full of shit (although I still think it is) that I blogged about how shitty and unfair life can get after stepping on a bubble gum with your brand new shoes. Half of the time I was ranting. And half of it, I was trying to make myself look good. My voice was soft, quiet, and dampened back then. I wasn't comfortable being myself. So I wrote only of the things I wanted the people to read because I was ashamed and afraid. I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid that people I don't even know would hate me. I was afraid that they may see me less of a person by my choice of words. I was careful with anything I wrote that hitting the publish button was a challenge.

Years passed and life became shittier than it was. It became so murky that I couldn't help but type my words to let the fog out and have some sense of clarity. It was hard for me to open up. Questions began to surface when I started showing the profound and "less edited" version of me. Questions that begin with what if. It's pretty amazing how the simple and innocent words What and If - which are perfectly harmless on their own - can become really catastrophic when combined. It's like a bomb that when dropped would make me go back scampering inside my shell. What if people will judge me for this? What if they'll think I'm like this or that? What if it's not good enough? It was a war between me and my inhibitions. A struggle to survive the pangs of truth.

I was never made for popularity contests. I cringe at the attention. Although I was popular on my own before. I was top of the class batch for the number of absences, lates, and incident reports made. But other than that, I am unknown to many. Never won or even joined a contest that decides the winner through voting. My charms, or lack thereof, is not enough to win a vote or two.

But sometimes the inevitable happens that I am forced to compete. So here I am, asking for two minutes of your time to vote for my blog at Bloggys 2015 - Philippine Blogging Awards. Because surprisingly, my blog has made it to the shortlist of the Philippine's most prestigious blogging awards in search of the country's finest bloggers.

Not that I'm aiming to win the "People's Choice" award here. I know my chances are way too slim to nothing. Who am I, anyway? I am barely visible in the blogosphere. A crack on the sidewalk in the avenue of stars. Yadda yadda. Yet, despite being wala lang, I don't want to be the first from the bottom either. Ayaw ko namang maging kulelat no. I'd probably melt in shame if I only get 4 votes by default (one coming from me, my boyfriend, and my mom and dad). Although I don't think I'd even know how many votes I'll get. But still. Kaya eto kakapalan ko na mukha ko.

So, if you could...

Can you say NO to this?

I haven't done so much of this, and I know need a lot of practice now. I seemed to be satisfied with a botched artwork. Ugh. But hey, my friends loved it! :)

#TheThingsIDoWhenInternetIsDown

I went 3 days without the internet. Not that I did it on purpose. It's the crappy service I get from my ISP.

I just saw myself reacting poorly to the situation by getting agitated by, excuse my word, inutile customer service representatives who cannot help solve internet problems brought about by my ISP's poor quality service.

But then I realized I may have lost my internet connection, but I gained something. TIME. A lot of it. I gained a few extra hours a day. Not to mention, I've added a few more hours of sleep which internet has robbed me off since forever. But that doesn't mean I won't lash out for the frustration of not having a decent internet connection. I didn't pay hard-earned money for crap. 

This is an old, old idea.

Unoriginal.

But I cannot think of a better way to fuse my love for writing and drawing than to create blog posts devoted to both. Hence, the GuLat Project. Gulat is a Filipino word that means shock or surprise. But I've also coined this from two words, Guhit (draw) and Sulat (write) - which are apparently the things that I absolutely love to do.

As you can see, I've been including doodles in my entries lately and this is what I plan to do on my succeeding posts. I got this idea from Doodlemum - a blog that I've been following for a long time. What separates her art from mine is that her doodles are waaaaaay amazing while mine are just mere stick figures you wouldn't have to second guess if they were drawn by a five-year-old. But, oh well.