It has been 7 days since the last time I stepped out of our gate. I don't know what it's like to be outside anymore.

This quarantine has gotten me hungrier and lazier by the hour. Definitely not the pregnancy journey I had in mind. Two months ago, I established a regular walking routine that I planned to continue until 34 weeks. But obviously, that's not going to happen.

I also try my best to eat as healthy as possible. But when people panic buy and hoard food, choices become too limited. But I am not complaining. I am grateful that despite this global crisis, there's still food on our table. I just hope we wake up from this nightmare soon.

Anyway, Jan turned a year older yesterday. We did not celebrate and simply let the day pass like any other day. I do not have a gift for him, but our baby has—albeit it came a day late.

I felt our little one move for the first time today. It was hard to tell at first because with my previous pregnancy, it felt like butterfly flutters. I was looking for the same sensation. Turns out, this one wanted to be felt differently. I've been feeling bubbles in my tummy that I mistakenly took as gas (though I don't feel bloated). It took me awhile to realize that it's the baby doing gymnastics. Each pregnancy is really different. I felt Rhett move at around 16 weeks. I'm currently at 19th.

I told Jan about it but every time he would put his hand over my tummy, the baby would shy away. So I played some music and when Jack Johnson's Escape (Piña Colada song) came on, the little one threw a solid little jab enough to knock the dad out of happiness.

Jan serenading the little one with Jack Johnson songs. ♥

The quarantine sucks and everyday we have been consuming bad news faster than the virus could spread. It's getting scarier each day. Our resources are depleting, economy is plunging, new cases are emerging, and people are dying. I just find comfort in knowing we have a little ray of sunshine in these trying times. Our little sprout definitely has his/her own way of making us feel a lot better. Better days are coming for sure.

Hormones during first trimester pregnancy can be an absolute bitch. Not in my case though. And Jan must have been thankful for that or else he would have to endure a full-blown incomprehensible pregnant wife demands for the whole 9 months (the hormones are going to come back with vengeance next trimester for sure). Although when I asked for a ripe jackfruit out of the blue, he immediately went out looking for one and delivered as if his life depended on it. But that was it. I didn't have morning sickness, a sensitive nose, ridiculous 12-midnight cravings, nor did I find myself crying over silly things. But I was always exhausted and I seem to have misplaced my brain most of the time. Oo, laging sabaw.

Lately, I am feeling a lot better. My hormones have not been throwing those temper tantrums and I have been getting a lot of compliments. Pregnancy glow is real! But I think I also owe that to my new skin care. I switched to 100% organic the moment I learned I was pregnant. My 5-step skin care routine was trimmed down to two (wash and moisturize with occasional exfoliation) and my skin has never looked clearer and healthier.

23 vs 34. Both at 18 weeks. It is true when they say every pregnancy is different. But the joy and excitement remain the same.

Second trimester is such a breeze. Except, I am hungry all the time and it's getting harder to reach for my toes during bath. The best thing about having an obvious bump though is taking advantage of priority lanes—which I can never really do for now because the world is turning into something I thought can only be seen in movies (although it would've been more exciting if the shithole we are in has zombies instead of a virus).

On the other hand, this one-month community quarantine is going to delay the challenge of dressing up since there's no need to go out. My closet, however full, only has pathetic selection of comfortable pieces to choose from. I literally only have 5 decent dresses that fit. That's why I am also grateful for thoughtful friends who surprised me with cute dresses, baby clothes, and other baby essentials! Thanks Athina and Pau! It means a lot for us.

Thank you so much for these! ♥

Anyway, with our city's mandate in closing certain establishments and the strict implementation of social distancing, I'm afraid the excitement of knowing the baby's gender will be extended for a month or so. But that's okay. That gives me plenty of time to straighten out my priorities. Food, constant eye-rolling to Facebook posts, and Candy Crush currently make the top spot.

P.S. I might also be updating this blog with random nonsense now.

We are taking the COVID-19 outbreak seriously and as good citizens, we are practicing social distancing. I think of all the rules implemented in our city, this is the one that I took in well without a single bit of complaint. I've been working from home since 2016, social distancing is nothing new to me.

So with almost everyone opting to stay indoors, what did people get? Our neighbors got a lot of time and have been singing their hearts out as early as 7 o'clock in the morning every single day; some planted flowers that's probably going to die in a few weeks, but at least they tried; some discovered unexplored areas of their homes and did chores they have never done before; others learned pretty useless things like juggling, solving the Rubik's cube, or memorizing the Periodic Table of Elements; while I got hives!

Now tell me what are the odds of getting stung by a honeybee inside our home while lounging on our bed? I've been stung by bees and wasps countless of times. The most it gave me was an annoying localized itchiness and swelling. This time is a different story.

Beautiful and helpful as they are, I'll never look at a bee the same way again.

I calmly took out the barb with tweezers and did the usual first aid. Then I went on contemplating if I should jump into the bandwagon and head to the new dark side of the internet that is TikTok. I think that is much better than wading through the filth of Facebook where new virologists with smart-ass comments that are more contagious and toxic than the virus dominate.

In less than an hour later, I started to itch uncomfortably all over my body. Raised spots rapidly appeared on my face, then redness followed. I've had hives that appear a day after eating too much crabs, but usually, these were just minimal and I can endure the itch for a few days. I took a dose of anti-histamine this time because the itch is nowhere near tolerable. It didn't do me any good. Jan rushed me to the emergency room when I started sweating and feeling flushed. I was going into an anaphylactic shock—it is life-threatening if not treated immediately.

Instant relief after the injection. Here, the hives are starting to subside.

I've never been to an ER as a patient. This is my first time. And what's worse than the painful medicine injected to me is I am not in my most presentable clothes. My pambahays are mostly butas-butas and I prefer wearing panties with loose garter when at home (haha. Please still be my friend). So yeah, go figure.

Anyway, it turns out I am NOW allergic to a bee sting (or maybe I was, all along). Hives are categorized as a severe allergic reaction. The next sting could be worst for me. So the next time I see a bee, I would assume that it's a flying death sentence. Avoid it at all cost.

I'm quitting my job soon, and before I give birth, I would run out of things to do. Staying indoors does not apparently guarantee my safety, but maybe being wrapped like a burrito and watching films I would not normally pick like the whole series of Probinsyano would help. Or mag-TikTok na lang siguro.

Warning: Too much information. Skip if you're easily offended or grossed out.

TRYING, FAILING, AND TRYING EVEN MORE

When Jan and I married, we had everything planned out. Since we’re not getting any younger, we wanted to get pregnant immediately. Oh how naive we were despite being in our mid-30s.

We had sex. Lots of it. We did it every day, every other day, in different positions, name it. We followed a strict schedule. And would you believe that I even did all sorts of ridiculous acrobatics that would increase my chance of getting a positive like raising my legs and hips after love making? Yes, it's as if I haven't studied Nursing.

It was also then when I regularly tracked my cycle. We bought a lot of pregnancy tests (PT). The good news is, we had sex all the time. The bad news, I wasn't getting pregnant. I even tested on days when I see a pre-menstrual spotting in hopes that it was just an implantation bleeding. It was downright frustrating. The disappointment of negative test after another is something I never thought would be so crushing.

I did it ten years ago. So I thought that it is going to be easy for me to get pregnant again. My periods came regularly. Jan and I are neither malnourished nor overweight. We had no reason to think it would not work right off the bat.

We were already five months into the journey when we both started to feel something wasn't right. I was secretly jealous of people who made conceiving look easy. And even without telling me, I knew Jan was having doubts about his manhood. It did not help that people are constantly asking when are we going to have a baby. Kesyo sayang ang mga lahi namin. Di na kami bata. Malapit na kami umabot sa finish line. Stop! Just fuckin' stop. We fuckin' know that. We are desperately trying, but you don't know that.

Then it started to wear on us. To save our sex life from becoming a chore, we decided to simply just stop trying so hard. So fuck it! We'll make love when we want to. Doesn't matter now if we get pregnant or not. Good if we do, we'll travel the world if we don't.

LIFESTYLE CHANGE

So things went back to normal. Sex became more enjoyable again. But we haven't totally given up on the journey yet. I continued taking folic acid. We both slept well, gave up on caffeine (yes, no coke and milk tea for me), took vitamins, ate the right food, and became physically active again.

I felt good about myself. I did not mind any question asking for any bun-in-the-oven updates but I was so ready to give a you're-going-to-wish-you-hadn't-asked-that response like, "I'm so full of semen right now, care to cheer for my fastest swimmer?" Yes, I can play dirty, too.

I believe the drastic change in our lifestyle helped in this journey a lot. I know a lot of people who had been blessed with a little miracle after trying to conceive for years when they started not just a healthy diet but also an active lifestyle. I'm no expert at this, but for those who have no issues and have been and are still trying, you might want to give working out a try.

OUR LITTLE MIRACLE

Since our goals shifted from trying to conceive to just enjoying what we currently have, I did things that would make the endorphins and adrenaline regularly kick in. I ran miles, danced my heart out, and plotted itineraries for our incoming travels.

Then I started to feel unusually tired. I'd take 2-hour naps twice in a day even when I had a full 8-hour sleep at night. And as cliche as it sounds, I was terribly craving for green mangoes. That's when I had a hunch. I wasn't too hopeful but tested anyway since I still have one remaining pregnancy test lying around. And with wide, unbelieving eyes, I ran to Jan and showed him the stick with two fat lines.

The nCoV (now COVID-19) outbreak was beginning to happen when we started planning this trip. But despite the confirmed cases in South Korea, we still pushed through and simply scrapped out places that are definitely crowded, ditched the guided tours, and decided to go all-out DIY in this trip.

They say you have never been to South Korea if you have not visited Nami Island. But I have got to be honest here, Nami Island was a letdown. That's probably because we were there in the wrong season. I know Nami island in Spring is colorful and beautiful. It is undeniably breathtaking in autumn. And despite the freezing cold, no one can resist its charm in winter—if the island is covered in white.

I never really liked fishes as pet. They are high maintenance, boring, and incapable of human interaction (duh). Not to mention, I can barely keep one alive for more than three days. But here I am, mindlessly watching our fishes swim for hours.

These were actually my uncle's gift for Rhett. But I was the one who got too excited to decorate the aquarium. After coming home from Gen San with our new fishes and live aquatic plants in tow, we immediately bought a 14-gallon fish tank, accessories, and dechlorinator. And voila! A new stress reliever.

We got swordtails, angelfish, and guppies. That's about everything I know for now. But I'm browsing the internet for care sheets because I don't want to see one go belly up too soon.

"What do you look for in a man?" one friend asked.

"Syempre yung kaya akong buhayin," said another.

Bigla akong napaisip. When Jan and I were still dating, it never occurred to me that one day I'll be marrying him because he can provide well for me. I CAN DO THAT ON MY OWN. I still remember those days when he only had one pair of shoes he used for work, beach, sports, practically everywhere. It had been dying on him but he held on to it because he couldn't afford a new one. When it comes to dates, he is not galante. So I always insist 50-50 when we eat out, watch movies, or basically anything we would do together. I wouldn't say he's in such a bad, poverty-stricken state but certainly, he isn't well-off. And if I take a look back at the Jan Carlo I knew 6 years ago, hindi nya ako kayang buhayin.

But I stuck with him because he is kind, smart, thoughtful, honest, mature, responsible, level-headed, and most of all, he would always go the extra mile for me. And as his former workmate, I have seen his skills, his drive, and work ethic. That's when I knew he would go a long way. And because we both have each other's back, we're slowly but surely getting there.

I won the lottery!

Kaya ba nya akong buhayin ngayon? Absolutely yes. And the best thing about it, despite all that he has gained, earned, and owned (he now has around 10 pairs of branded shoes just so you know haha), he never failed to put us, his new family, first before anything else. He is still the same goal-driven, kind, smart, thoughtful, honest, mature, responsible, level-headed, and ma-effort man I knew since day one. It's only a bonus that he is good-looking, doesn't smoke, and only drinks when there's an occasion.

So the law-abiding husband got his first infraction because this lazy ass wife crossed the street and chose not to use the pedestrian lane that is just three meters away. We were together but he's the one who's fined. He lectures but has never gotten mad at me. Ever. Sorry, lab! 😚

So enough ba yung kaya kang buhayin? I wouldn't say so. Sa panahon ngayon, dapat maging praktikal. Totoo naman yun. But if that alone is your deciding factor, sooner or later you will be trapped in a loveless and unhappy marriage. I know a lot of people who are stuck in this situation because they failed or worse, refused to look beyond their partner's financial capabilities. How is his attitude? What are his values? How does he treat you? Is he compatible with you? And by that, I mean, does he love you the way you want to be loved and vice versa?

Kaya ka ngang buhayin pero mapapabayaan ka naman. Kaya ka ngang buhayin pero hindi ikaw ang priority. Kaya ka ngang buhayin pero ang sama naman ng ugali. Kaya ka ngang buhayin pero magiging masaya ka ba? Think about that.

I don't want any of these, by the way. But choose a man who makes you feel loved with or without a gift, Valentine's or not. (Image from Life Sense PH)

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think of going to South Korea for a honeymoon (it has always been Batanes). I mean, we did plan about it but that's only because we unexpectedly snagged round trip tickets for two for only Php 8,400+.

Our initial plan to spend honeymoon in Korea in autumn was, however, cancelled because our visas were delayed. But we pushed through doing it this winter even though the tickets we got were already at Php 24,000+ round trip for two because first, after almost two months of waiting (yes, it took that long), we only got a single entry visa; second, I am pregnant. I don't think we still have the time, energy, and resources to travel in the next three years.

This is the most expensive ticket we booked for an international flight but I'm glad Korea did not disappoint. This trip was a string of our many firsts. First out-of-the-country trip as married couple. First below zero degree weather. First snow fall. First fresh cherries. First pomegranate. First time to take photos of us kissing. Woot!

PDA. Haha!