Earlier, we played a game "catch the killer", where players can be either a killer, a healer or just a normal citizen. The citizens will have to investigate and guess who the killer is (and we can only guess by observing their reaction, what they say, or how they act - it's more like a psychological game). I won three times in a row of being a killer. Not that I have a mind of a killer. But they said I have this game face on, a poker face. They can never tell.

I guess that's what I'm really good at. You know, hiding how I truly feel. People see me happy. And I know I just feign it. I can never lie to myself. When alone, I drown in tears and pretend like everything's okay the next day. I may seem to look happy but I still feel that sting, a pang of fear, uncertainty, anger, and remorse all rolled into one. Beyond the laughs I feel pain. And not even the loudest laughter can suppress it, not from me at least anyway.

So this is how it feels when you've just given up. This is how a heartbreak feels. The pain is just so real. How am I surviving this? Do you know the line just fake it until you make it? Well, I think  it's working pretty well for me. And I hope I can get through this in one piece.

Anyway, sorry for the short pathetic post. Shit happens and I just needed to vent.

P.S. I'm not a pathetic-emo-looking-damsel-in-distress, I still flash a smile despite being in the pits, and that for sure is the only thing that's remaining genuine right now. :)

I remember the time during a long bus ride from Gensan to Davao, I had this great conversation with a friend. And among all the things we have talked about, there's this one line he uttered that struck me the most which now became one of my life's mantra: Look on the bright side.

I've heard this line a thousand times before but I never really took it by heart until I'm the one sinking in deep shit. It got me to thinking, yeah, why would I linger on the negative when I can just look at the positive side and head towards that direction?

Yes I know, it's easier said than done. But there's no harm in trying, right? So to fully embrace that line and learn how to turn lemons into lemonade, I'm starting with small steps that will eventually lead me to see lifein a positive way - which you may find helpful too. So here's to a good one:

Count your blessings. Even the simplest and smallest ones. A friend gave me a candy that saved my arse from getting knocked out inside the office. See? that's one example.

Surround yourself with happy people. Happiness is like a virus, it spreads and it's contagious. Laugh. Joke around. Have fun. Nothing beats a heartfelt laughter or two a day.

Don't sweat the small stuff. You can just shrug off and dump those bad vibes and worries away. Just choose your battles wisely.

Smile. Enough said. ^____^

And if life has really been throwing you a lot of shit, look on the bright side, life would rather be dull if you were only smoothly sailing. :)

By the way, here's a song that goes out to all of you. Just listen and chillax:

Ever since I became a mom, I have inadvertently alienated myself from all forms of fun. I was reluctant to nightlife parties, I've always said NO to barkada outings, booze became a thing of the past, and the list goes on. Family-work-chores-wash-rinse-repeat. Yes, I was that lifeless. The only ember that's keeping my life aglow is my son.

Life was quite easy (and bland) back then that boredom became my comfort zone. But I guess I've seen what I am becoming, a wallflower - unsociable and almost non existent to many people, that I decided to step out of it and become human once again.

My new job, or my officemates slash new found friends rather, have opened a new portal for me. The life I never had in the last four years is slowly coming back. And I am already seeing the way I once was: a free spirited kid.

Okay, I'm already getting deep. So before I drown you with my sentiments, let me just tell you where my thoughts are coming from. Last Sunday, my colleagues and I went on a getaway to Gumasa, Glan, Saranggani Province - a 4-hour trip away from Davao. Everything from the bus rides to the long walks to the food we ate to the games we played to becoming hitchhikers sucked the stress out of us.