To the Man Who Brought Out the Woman in Me

"The main goal of Women's Run PH is to motivate, inspire, and empower women through running, building a supportive community where they can challenge themselves, increase participation, gain confidence, and achieve personal bests in a non-intimidating environment. They aim to overcome barriers like safety concerns and lack of confidence by offering inclusive events and training, fostering sisterhood, and celebrating female strength and transformation."
-via Google Search, AI Overview

When I signed up for this race, I wasn’t thinking about the inspiration or empowerment it would bring. I just wanted the pretty medal. But crossing the finish line did make me realize why I was there. I am a woman after all.

But before I became the woman I am now, I'd like to give honor to the man who brought out the woman in me.

I used to pride myself on never needing anyone. I was the type who's confident, assertive, and dominant. People often see me as "masculine". Not only because of my preferences or the way I move, but because of how I thought and acted "like a man". I'd do things my own. I didn't want to be helped. I was the alpha, the one who had everything under control (or at least pretended I did). I was more logical than emotional. And even if I became emotional, I was also very reserved. 

I used to hear words like, 'Sarah, ang munting prinsipe', 'one of the boys', 'chuy-chuy', 'mas lalaki pa sa lalaki'. And I wore those labels like medal. Haha.

But that's also me being protective and defensive.

Then Jan came into my life.

He didn’t try to change or tame me. He didn’t ask me to be smaller, quieter, or less myself. Instead, he made me feel safe enough to soften and unleash my feminine energy.

Through the years, you have probably seen me slowly, naturally transform to this version of me who is less astig, more chix (haha), and more expressive. I found joy in softness. In pink. In dressing up. In being maarte. In singing novelty songs. In being playful and sweet. In letting my guard down and being “pabebe” without feeling embarrassed. I didn’t feel like I had to prove how capable I was (because, hello, proven already. Haha charaught). 

I found parts of myself I had kept hidden beneath layers of conditioning that I always have to toughen up, to be independent, to be in control.

I stopped holding my emotions like they were weapons that could be used against me. I'd tear up when I had to, speak up when I'm hurt, and I let myself be needy. Old me would have shut that down because I didn't want people to see me weak and vulnerable.

But now that I feel safe and secure, I'd say softness isn't weakness. It is strength in itself. And it's liberating.

Now that I can be both soft and strong, I say, this is the best version of me yet.