I've never been this scared my whole life.

I honestly thought that a 50-foot cliff jumping was the scariest thing I've ever done until I had to pass a practical driving exam.

I was certain I knew what to do but I just got cold all over, my heart was beating fast, my breath was short, palms were sweaty, mom's spaghetti.

Apparently, I failed the practical exam. I think I celebrated prematurely when I aced the written exam since everybody said it is difficult. I thought the practical exam is going to be a breeze since I’ve already driven in a highway quite a number of times and I was fine. I expected to show only simple driving skills. Forward, backward, turn left and right. Ganun lang. Instead, I was asked to parallel park. As if simple parking is not hard enough.

I guess Jan and I need an attitude makeover.

You see, we've been together in more than 20 flights. And perhaps a little less than half of that were at least an hour to three hours delayed. And not one, not a single free flight voucher from any airline has been issued to us for the inconvenience while I see a lot of my friends getting free round trip flights for an hour delay.

I think the problem roots to our attitude. We DGAF. We ran out of fukcs to give that we're already missing a lot. We still act calmly even in eventful and stressful situations and I'm starting to think it's a bad thing. What if nag-beast mode kami? Or kahit nagreklamo man lang? I reckon it's going to be different. Ang dami na siguro naming free flights ngayon.

The problem is, parang ang hirap magalit. I've never seen Jan angry. And he's never seen me angry, too. I am not easily offended. Perhaps I might have not reached my boiling point yet. But I still get pissed off. I get pissed off when someone is rude towards me. I get pissed off at disgruntled fast food crews who give me the wrong orders at a time when I am already dying of hunger. I get frustrated when a team member has not done his/her job properly and the situation will be taken out on me. I get annoyed at idiocy and stupidity. BUT...

I am an average looking gal. Most of the time, I look like I just rolled and fell from my bed.

This morning, just like every morning, I woke up earlier than my alarm feeling groggy. And to make things worse, I hit the corner of my bedside bookshelf with my head. I could have gone dramatic over a small, assumed-concussion like what I always do when my hormones go on a monthly overdrive and tell Jan my last goodbyes in case I didn't make it out of bed.

Dodgy.

I think that's the perfect word to describe the hotel we booked to. Maybe it's just an exaggeration, or worse, it could be an understatement. Whatever that is, we hope to get out of there alive.

If you are wondering what I'm talking about... Well, Jan and I booked a 4-night stay at a place that has been known for its notorious reputation. The Chungking Mansions. I know. What the hell were we thinking, right? How have we gotten ourselves absolutely reckless?

Last night, I received an email saying I screwed up a website big time. But I wasn't worried because I knew I've triple-checked my work before I delivered. So, if there's anything, it was definitely not my fault (and yep, it wasn't. It was a server issue that got resolved in the morning). I decided to just sleep it off and send my reply the next day only to wake up to a much more terrible news.

Chester Bennington took his own life.