I feel so horrible right now. I just realized that no matter how patient I can be, when it comes to my child, all hell breaks loose and I turn into a monster. I am dead serious when I say nobody messes with my kid. Nobody.
I didn't realize what I just did until somebody pointed out that I might have overreacted. Yes, I think my reaction went over the top. But it was something I could not really help. It was though I am a lioness protecting her cub from a perpetrator. And nothing could ever stop me. Fury was burning inside and I was consumed with rage. To see my child cry and cower, I completely lost it.
I didn't realize what I just did until somebody pointed out that I might have overreacted. Yes, I think my reaction went over the top. But it was something I could not really help. It was though I am a lioness protecting her cub from a perpetrator. And nothing could ever stop me. Fury was burning inside and I was consumed with rage. To see my child cry and cower, I completely lost it.
While everybody was on a holiday break yesterday, I was out working. And while everyone is working today I'm home and reflecting. The past months have really been a blast. With all those getaways and new things that I have tried, I am seeing my old, free-spirited self again.
It just reminded me of the last four years of my life. That time when motherhood caught me off guard and everything suddenly stopped—in both good and bad way. That time when I would just drop anything to attend to my son's needs. That time when round-the-clock feeding started to take its toll on me as I was never getting enough sleep. And sometimes, I feel dejected that I have found myself on the brink of giving up.
When I'm on facebook, I don't just spend my time stalking on people's profiles and read about what they do with their lives. I join groups. Groups for mommies, bloggers, freelancers, hobbyists, online money makers and whatnot. Groups where you find healthy discussions, lessons from experiences, advises, and whatever useful tips you can get from there. Yep, these groups actually prove that facebook's existence is not just for stalkers, braggart, and/or attention seekers - just like every one of us. hahaha
While lurking on one of my most visited groups, Girltalk - a group for women, particularly moms who want to share their journey of motherhood, I came across a number of threads about full-time working moms who are in a dilemma of quitting their jobs to become full-time hands-on mom.
Not everyone is privileged to have an uber rich husband that you can just take your hands off work and focus on the kids instead. It is difficult because at times like this, when bills, milk, diaper, medical, and tuition fee prices go sky high, I can say that money does matter. You work because you want to provide. Provide not just what you can, but provide what you think is best. Right?
Upon hearing(or should I say reading) the sentiments of other moms, I have realized that I am indeed very blessed. Every day, I work an 8-12hour shift, and at the same time I tend to my son's needs and prepare him for school, and during breaks or just right after work, I am still able to do a few house chores like cooking, cleaning the house, washing the dishes, and/or doing the laundry.
Everyday is too much of a juggle, I would say that. Hiring a yaya even occurred to me, but I oftentimes ditch that thought because I can still handle one very active toddler, the pressing house chores, and the light pressure from work. The routine's pretty exhausting, really. But I'm not complaining (although sometimes, I do!). When I do, all I just think is to be thankful that I have a job that earns pretty well (at least the boyfriend doesn't have to shoulder all the expenses, plus it puts my self worth at a level), a house that I keep in order, and a family that I can take care of.
Not everyone is lucky to become a work-at-home-mom (WAHM). It's really tiring but the rewards are oh so priceless. I can just take my hands off the keyboard anytime my son asks for a kiss or a hug, who wouldn't love that? :)
While lurking on one of my most visited groups, Girltalk - a group for women, particularly moms who want to share their journey of motherhood, I came across a number of threads about full-time working moms who are in a dilemma of quitting their jobs to become full-time hands-on mom.
Not everyone is privileged to have an uber rich husband that you can just take your hands off work and focus on the kids instead. It is difficult because at times like this, when bills, milk, diaper, medical, and tuition fee prices go sky high, I can say that money does matter. You work because you want to provide. Provide not just what you can, but provide what you think is best. Right?
Upon hearing(or should I say reading) the sentiments of other moms, I have realized that I am indeed very blessed. Every day, I work an 8-12hour shift, and at the same time I tend to my son's needs and prepare him for school, and during breaks or just right after work, I am still able to do a few house chores like cooking, cleaning the house, washing the dishes, and/or doing the laundry.
Everyday is too much of a juggle, I would say that. Hiring a yaya even occurred to me, but I oftentimes ditch that thought because I can still handle one very active toddler, the pressing house chores, and the light pressure from work. The routine's pretty exhausting, really. But I'm not complaining (although sometimes, I do!). When I do, all I just think is to be thankful that I have a job that earns pretty well (at least the boyfriend doesn't have to shoulder all the expenses, plus it puts my self worth at a level), a house that I keep in order, and a family that I can take care of.
I have not been the most obedient child, nor have I been the sweetest or thoughtful one. But it seems like God is still in favor of me because He has given the best mother of all time.
My mama and I are very opposite in so many ways. She's clean and organized, while I like it cluttered and messy. She likes intricacy while I'm a minimalist. She's a speaker, I'm a writer. She's straightforward, while I'm a bit reserved. She handles money well, while I -- need I say more? hahaha
But no matter how we go on different ways, one thing is for sure, there's always love. She loves me more than I could even imagine. She let's me take the last piece of burger even if her tummy's growling. She'd let me have the second pillow even if it's a hardwood that's beneath her. Yes, she gives me anything even if there's nothing more left for herself. She loves me despite the number of letdowns I gave, despite my rebellions, despite my animosity. She's still there no matter how many times I pushed her away. I love her too. But I don't think I could ever reciprocate the love she's giving me.
To tell you the truth, I've hated her so much before. But when a wee little one turned my life around, when I became a mother myself, that's when I saw right through my mother's eyes... all she did was love. She's the one who shaped, inspired, and encouraged my very being. There's more than a thousand and one reasons for me to to thank her. And I know it won't be enough. My mama is the most beautiful and best mom in the whole world.
A lot of my friends know I did not have the best relationship with my mother. I am hard-headed, stubborn, rebellious, and a tad spoiled brat and she, on the other hand, has the eye of the tigress and the mouth of a machine gun. We do just fine lest our heads collide - it's gonna be chaos.
But no matter how we go on different ways, one thing is for sure, there's always love. She loves me more than I could even imagine. She let's me take the last piece of burger even if her tummy's growling. She'd let me have the second pillow even if it's a hardwood that's beneath her. Yes, she gives me anything even if there's nothing more left for herself. She loves me despite the number of letdowns I gave, despite my rebellions, despite my animosity. She's still there no matter how many times I pushed her away. I love her too. But I don't think I could ever reciprocate the love she's giving me.
To tell you the truth, I've hated her so much before. But when a wee little one turned my life around, when I became a mother myself, that's when I saw right through my mother's eyes... all she did was love. She's the one who shaped, inspired, and encouraged my very being. There's more than a thousand and one reasons for me to to thank her. And I know it won't be enough. My mama is the most beautiful and best mom in the whole world.
I don't know what I have done to deserve such beautiful, empowered, and God-given treasure. I don't even think I am worthy but I know and am very thankful that I am very blessed. I pray that God will continually bless her with good health, and shower her with more blessings as she has been a blessing not just to me, not just to my dad and sister, but to other people as well.
Not everybody is blessed to have a mother, not to mention, the greatest in the world. What more could I ever ask for?
So to you and all the doting moms out there who never cease to love and care, the day is yours, Happy Mother's Day!
So to you and all the doting moms out there who never cease to love and care, the day is yours, Happy Mother's Day!
