Here's to Turning 30

Tuesday, June 23, 2015 2 Comments A+ a-

I am 30 today. And since I've already given myself a treat on the last few hours of the decade that has been my twenties, I decided to stay home, sit in silence and savor the moment being in complete solitude.

If there's one thing I've given myself valuable for my birthday, it is this solitude. Yes, I am used to being alone. But those moments were never profound. I never had this chance of having a complete possession of my own thoughts, my feelings, my senses, and my soul.

With everyone at work and at school, for a few hours, I got to enjoy the quiet of our home only broken by the sound of mufflers outside but were eventually drowned by my thoughts of being reprieved of mommy, daughter, girlfriend, and employee duties. I unplugged from all the myriad distractions of my daily life. I left my phone unattended, hidden my birth date on Facebook, disabled my wall, and muted all notifications on all my messaging apps. I went outside and just let the breeze gently kiss my cheeks, took a deep breath, and I never felt so free. For some, there is definitely something missing in the whole equation when spending time alone on your birthday. But for me, it was a perfect moment to find comfort in the company that matters most - the company with myself.
 am really grateful for this time alone. Even if it's short-lived. It distanced me from the voices of the world so I can hear my own. It cleared my cluttered mind. And it helped me get in touch with myself. Finally at 30, I figured out what I really want in life. I hope to never stop learning, never stop believing, and never stop loving. Each day is indeed a gift from God. And this time, I will make sure that with gratitude, I will tear off the wrapping paper and enjoy what's inside it.

Happy 30th, Self! :)

Birthday Getaway: Buwis-buhay River Trekking at Amsikong Falls

Monday, June 22, 2015 2 Comments A+ a-

Last Saturday, Jan, Bretch, and I trekked General Santos City's hidden gem - the barely touched Amsikong Falls. 

The road going there isn't easy. There's not even a road to begin with. Of all my travel adventures, riding a habal-habal is the very least of the things I enjoyed. Heck, I never really liked it at all. I just have a high tolerance for heat, dusts, and leg cramps. And that was it. But believe me when I say I enjoyed this ride. This rough and rocky ride.

15 Problems Every Bookworm Will Understand

Wednesday, June 17, 2015 20 Comments A+ a-

My bookshelf
I'm running out of space and I still think I need more books.

Yep, that's the problem. I don't think there's such thing as having enough shelves. Haha. That and bumping into a post or a wall while walking and reading are just few of the many problems a bookworm encounters. Allow me to share with you 15 more. And please, don't take it lightly because the struggle is real.

Routine is Really Lethal

Monday, June 15, 2015 0 Comments A+ a-

Despite not having a day job, surprisingly things got a little more stressful lately. As a person who seeks refuge in new and exciting adventures, routine definitely does not work for me. While others shop at the malls, get pampered at salons, or party at clubs to relieve stress, I, on the other hand find outdoor adventures as my breather. And I guess, I am out for this much needed air.

My birthday is fast approaching, and as a treat for myself, I want to do something new. I think I've been slump lately. Yes, things have changed when I started staying at home again. And since the little one is out at school the whole day, I could really go biking anytime, but our home has all the things I needed to keep my butt glued, like a very reliable and fast internet, a lot of good books, comfortable bed, and siomai that I can just cook and eat anytime.

For the past few months or perhaps a year now, I've been trying to rescue from the doldrums the girl I used to be. You know, that girl who threw herself off cliffs, hike mountains, and pretty much did anything dauntless without having second thoughts. I've always had this thirst to conquer my fears. But then, life has caught up with me and I was slowly slipping away from that girl I have just tried to rescue.

Perhaps I got too comfortable that I've stopped pushing myself. So before I turn 30 and slump back to the lackadaisical self again, I want to do something I have always loved to do, and that is to go on an adventure. It doesn't really have to be extreme, like jumping off cliffs or sky diving. Although I really wish I have the money to do the sky dive. Well, anything that puts me out of my comfort zone and shakes up the routine is an adventure.

If only Bilbo Baggins were real, I would have asked, pleaded, and begged him to take me with him. Haha. But Mindanao itself has a lot of places to offer, and I wouldn't mind trying a few more crazy activities in this island I grew up in. I know, life's happening and I've got responsibilities, but a day of adventure isn't too much to ask, is it?

Confessions Vol. 5: I am fascinated with the Nazis and the Holocaust

Saturday, June 13, 2015 10 Comments A+ a-

Yesterday, Jan and I watched Schindler's List. It reminded me of my obsession with the Nazis which started back when I saw one of my classmates in Fifth grade drew a swastika symbol (actually it was doodled all over his notebook). I asked him what it was and he started telling me with great enthusiasm about Hitler, the killing of the Jews, and how great of a leader he was. I was fascinated. In fact, too fascinated that I came to the point of always putting a swastika symbol next to my name. Excuse the ignorance, at that very young age, we really did not know what we were so fascinated about. And we had no idea about the darkest days that ever happened in human history. All we knew back then was that it looked cool bearing that swastika.

Since then, I've shown interest about the Nazi - from the documentaries, to books, to everything about Hitler. I've read Mein Kampf, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, a few other books with titles that I could no longer recall, and some fiction/non-fics that I have on my shelf that have eventually opened my eyes and led me to disgust Hitler and his mustache. And it's such a shame that I've been claiming to be obsessed with such yet I haven't watched Schindler's List until yesterday. I'm more devoted in books than on movies though. Well, what can I say? Schindler's List is one of the most powerful films I've ever seen. Even more powerful than the neo-Nazi setting film, American History X.
My Books about Holocaust/Nazi
Some of the most compelling Nazi/Holocaust books that I have.
I am still fascinated with anything related to the Nazi regime. But my interest is fueled not on the ideologies of Hitler and the monstrosities brought about by his equally evil followers. The Nazis embody nothing but pure evil. Everything under the regime is downright despicable. And I don't want to think I'm exaggerating. However, I admit that at a certain level, I have admired Hitler's reign. I do give credit how great Hitler was. I mean, I think it's worth understanding how humans fell under the influence of one person who motivated a nation to such an ideological level, isn't it? It is undeniably amazing. Really.


Tuesday, June 9, 2015 0 Comments A+ a-

Whenever something big or a drastic change happens in your life, you end up explaining a thousand times what the eff just happened and why. Case in point, the day I said goodbye to my normal/regular (or however you call it) office day job.

I love how my close friends eagerly asked for details about what I am going through, the changes - be it negative or positive - in my life, how am I coping, and what my plans are. I am happy to know that people care. And I apologize if I'm not too keen on details. It's not that I don't have the guts to tell you about the crap I went through, it's just that I'm too lazy to lay it all down (again and again and again). I am totally fine, I promise.

Okay, that's a lie. Truth is, I never expected I'd go through a phase of separation anxiety that I found myself binge-eating on Snickers and pathetically watching videos of funny animals. And funny babies. And Spongebob Squarepants. I tried to read a book and catch up with the tv series I've been missing. Apparently, nothing works. I still feel a little bit down.

This Is Not Goodbye :)

Thursday, June 4, 2015 0 Comments A+ a-

Anticipation is creeping in. 2 hours. 2 hours more and everything will be shut down, signed out, and perhaps forgotten. My desk  that used to be a home of a cutesy pup plushie, scratch papers, post-its, and candy wrappers now screams emptiness. This room, once a nest of brilliant people fueled by passion, is now an empty space only filled with the deafening chorus of the air condition and our keyboard strokes.

Nothing is going to be certain from here. But there's one thing that I am sure of, I will miss the people who showed me support and encouragement at times of pressure and failure which ultimately led me to discover my inner strength and true capabilities. My colleagues, workadas, friends, or however I call them, have become and will always be a family to me.

This has been an incredible journey. But in a few hours this journey will come to an end. I will never forget our escapades, our dirty and silly talks, our boisterous laughter, the times we fought over a piece of food (haha patay gutom lang?), and the kind of unswerving friendship you don't always see in any kind of work place. Hey, this isn't goodbye, after all. We'll still see each other over videoke or a bottle of beer, okay? I am just a text away. Alright?

Thank you for everything! Thank you for showing me what's it like to be one with the best. See you, peeps! :-)

#Samasama #WalangIwanan #WalangLaglagan #Bidyoke

June Mayhem

Monday, June 1, 2015 0 Comments A+ a-

Here comes my birthday month. I never really look forward on my birthdays like most people do. And I think I have my school to blame for that. You see, during my pre-school and grade school days, birthdays would mean getting exposed to the first and basic form of public humiliation - to be called in front of the class and everybody sings happy birthday while you stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to do and how to react. Am I supposed to smile? Should I make eye contact? Or just look how perfectly polished my shoes were because I know my classmates were secretly laughing at me? I never got used to it. I can never really get used to that kind of attention.

Fast forward to the days I entered puberty. I thought I got away with the birthday tradition when I stepped in to high school. We were mature then. So the only time you stand in front of a class is during a reporting or a graded speech. But birthdays got worse. From high school until the present day, friends will bug you on your birthday for a treat. Which means having to spend the month's savings and ending up penniless the following week - if you give in, that is.

Turning 30 this year is no different. All the more that I no longer look forward to birthdays. No fear of getting older here, okay? But June this year is just a perfect series of what may result as a mayhem. Talk about timing, huh? First and foremost, a week from now, I will no longer have a job. It is liberating actually. But still, a jobless is a jobless. There is no sugarcoating it. And by choice, this unemployed status could go for months.

Well, I don't have plans taking any full time job just yet. I think I'm in for a break. A much needed break. And as long as I can't find a yaya for Rhett, then I really cannot commit to a full time job. Good yayas are hard to come by. It's like looking for a needle in the haystack - with a blindfold on. Well, I've got side jobs and I am very well prepared for this. So I'm good. Hopefully.

Second, it's back to school once again and I have just spent my entire savings during the summer for enrollment and Rhett's school supplies. Spending for my child's education is something I would not ever question. We can't change the fact that the earth revolves around the sun, so is the fact that private schools are expensive. Tuition fees are skyrocketing, let alone expenses for books, uniforms, and whatnot. (Now I know, Mom.)

Third, Rhett's birthday is coming up. No, I don't dread it. I am actually thankful that I've got a handsome, wonderful, and amazing son any mom could ever ask for and he's turning 6 this month. That means, I'm also throwing a party for his birthday. Although, I would actually want to spend the party-money for something I know he'd love and enjoy - a battery operated motorcycle worth around 15k. That's roughly almost half of my salary. Oh wait, I don't have a job. So, let's go with the party, for now. The motorcycle can wait and I hope by the time I can afford it (if it's still there and if Rhett still wants it,) it is on sale.

Oh, diba bongga? Sabay-sabay lahat.

Judging from everything that I have mentioned, it all boils down to one thing: I've got to trim the fat from all of my expenses. Be lean on my spendings. Unless I want to be broke and eventually find myself thinking of ways how to swindle money from the parents. Haha. Not happening.

A lot of things will change from now on. Rainy days are here again. June is going to be one hell of a ride, but I've had worse. So yeah, bring it on!