Jan came over yesterday because it's my nephew's first birthday. We decided to watch a movie after stuffing our tummies with the yummies. I wanted to watch something light, so he recommended Easy A. I thought it was just another sloppy teen comedy but the nonstop wisecracks kept me absorbed that even my chick-flick-hating self absolutely loved it. And yes, not only because it is Emma Stone, but it is funny and smart as well.

Just so you know, I am not really into movies. I'm not the type who likes to just sit still and watch passively. So if you're one of my friends who's been to the movies with me, then perhaps you're one of those who got annoyed with my incessant blabbing of movie flaws, logic, and inconsistencies because unfortunately I have the ability not to ignore small things that don't make sense. No wonder I get constantly told, "pagtan-aw na lang gud dira!" (Shut up and just watch the goddamn movie!)

I've finally set up my work station. My sacred space. It is still a work in progress though as I plan on putting a cork board and a clock on the wall. And until I don't have a big monitor and a very comfy chair, then I cannot say I'm all set. But for now, I can say my work space is absolutely my favorite place in the house.

Remember how my desk looked before? Well, my blog does. And that was already the tidiest it can get. Thought I'd show you this new sacred sanctuary while it is still in its immaculate form. I know myself well, and I don't think this clean desk will last a week. But I will try to keep things neat every now and then. That's a promise.

I cannot emphasize enough how grateful I am to have a "talent" or at least I say, a knack for art. I have been quite isolated lately. The drastic change of priorities and my responsibilities left me with no choice but to stay home. Believe me, being withdrawn for weeks from the society made me feel burnt out, stressed, and down. When writing just doesn't cut it, becoming creative with pen and paper is all the therapy I need. :)

My first attempt to do zentangles. :)

I am 30 today. And since I've already given myself a treat on the last few hours of the decade that has been my twenties, I decided to stay home, sit in silence and savor the moment being in complete solitude.

If there's one thing I've given myself valuable for my birthday, it is this solitude. Yes, I am used to being alone. But those moments were never profound. I never had this chance of having a complete possession of my own thoughts, my feelings, my senses, and my soul.

The road going there isn't easy. There's not even a road to begin with. Of all my travel adventures, riding a habal-habal is the very least of the things I enjoyed. Heck, I never really liked it at all. I just have a high tolerance for heat, dusts, and leg cramps. And that was it. But believe me when I say I enjoyed this ride. This rough and rocky ride.

I'm running out of space and I still think I need more books.

Yep, that's the problem. I don't think there's such thing as having enough shelves. Haha. That and bumping into a post or a wall while walking and reading are just few of the many problems a bookworm encounters. Allow me to share with you 15 more. And please, don't take it lightly because the struggle is real.

Yesterday, Jan and I watched Schindler's List. It reminded me of my obsession with the Nazis which started back when I saw one of my classmates in Fifth grade drew a swastika symbol (actually it was doodled all over his notebook). I asked him what it was and he started telling me with great enthusiasm about Hitler, the killing of the Jews, and how great of a leader he was. I was fascinated. In fact, too fascinated that I came to the point of always putting a swastika symbol next to my name. Excuse the ignorance, at that very young age, we really did not know what we were so fascinated about. And we had no idea about the darkest days that ever happened in human history. All we knew back then was that it looked cool bearing that swastika.

Since then, I've shown interest about the Nazi - from the documentaries, to books, to everything about Hitler. I've read Mein Kampf, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, a few other books with titles that I could no longer recall, and some fiction/non-fics that I have on my shelf that have eventually opened my eyes and led me to disgust Hitler and his mustache. And it's such a shame that I've been claiming to be obsessed with such yet I haven't watched Schindler's List until yesterday. I'm more devoted in books than on movies though. Well, what can I say? Schindler's List is one of the most powerful films I've ever seen. Even more powerful than the neo-Nazi setting film, American History X.

Some of the most compelling Nazi/Holocaust books that I have.

I am still fascinated with anything related to the Nazi regime. But my interest is fueled not on the ideologies of Hitler and the monstrosities brought about by his equally evil followers. The Nazis embody nothing but pure evil. Everything under the regime is downright despicable. And I don't want to think I'm exaggerating. However, I admit that at a certain level, I have admired Hitler's reign. I do give credit how great Hitler was. I mean, I think it's worth understanding how humans fell under the influence of one person who motivated a nation to such an ideological level, isn't it? It is undeniably amazing. Really.

Whenever something big or a drastic change happens in your life, you end up explaining a thousand times what the eff just happened and why. Case in point, the day I said goodbye to my normal/regular (or however you call it) office day job.

I love how my close friends eagerly asked for details about what I am going through, the changes - be it negative or positive - in my life, how am I coping, and what my plans are. I am happy to know that people care. And I apologize if I'm not too keen on details. It's not that I don't have the guts to tell you about the crap I went through, it's just that I'm too lazy to lay it all down (again and again and again). I am totally fine, I promise.

Okay, that's a lie. Truth is, I never expected I'd go through a phase of separation anxiety that I found myself binge-eating on Snickers and pathetically watching videos of funny animals. And funny babies. And Spongebob Squarepants. I tried to read a book and catch up with the tv series I've been missing. Apparently, nothing works. I still feel a little bit down.

Anticipation is creeping in. 2 hours. 2 hours more and everything will be shut down, signed out, and perhaps forgotten. My desk  that used to be a home of a cutesy pup plushie, scratch papers, post-its, and candy wrappers now screams emptiness. This room, once a nest of brilliant people fueled by passion, is now an empty space only filled with the deafening chorus of the air condition and our keyboard strokes.

Nothing is going to be certain from here. But there's one thing that I am sure of, I will miss the people who showed me support and encouragement at times of pressure and failure which ultimately led me to discover my inner strength and true capabilities. My colleagues, workadas, friends, or however I call them, have become and will always be a family to me.