Hear Me Roar

Friday, May 29, 2015 0 Comments A+ a-

I feel so horrible right now. I just realized that no matter how patient I can be, when it comes to my child, all hell breaks loose and I turn into a monster. I am dead serious when I say nobody messes with my kid. Nobody.

I didn't realize what I just did until somebody pointed out that I might have overreacted. Yes, I think my reaction went over the top. But it was something I could not really help. It was though I am a lioness protecting her cub from a perpetrator. And nothing could ever stop me. Fury was burning inside and I was consumed with rage. To see my child cry and cower, I completely lost it.

What happened today, was just a tiny, minute part of this very big and cruel world. And it got me to thinking, how far can I actually go to protect my child? I'd say I would go great lengths. Farther than I can imagine. If, in any case, someone did really hurt my kid? I would make hell seem like a happy place. And it scares me to think what I can actually do.

I would never have imagined my hands getting dirty. But I would if I have to. Because, yes, I am a mother. The same woman who couldn't bear to watch a chicken getting slaughtered. But when cornered, I turn into a lioness, bare my claws and not hesitate to strike.

Brother Color Manila Run

Sunday, May 24, 2015 2 Comments A+ a-

Brother Color Manila Run
I was there.

Today, I got to take part in Color Manila Run. This isn't the first time I have joined a Color Run, but this is definitely the most awesome Color Run I have ever joined to date. Although admittingly, I've only joined two color runs my entire life. Hehe.

Color Manila has been known for always pulling off the biggest, most colorful, and most awesome color fun runs across the Philippines. They indeed know how to put the "fun" in Fun Run. And to make it more awesome, Color Manila has teamed up with Brother Philippines to which the event highlights Brother's New Refill Tank System.

An Open Letter to My Younger Self

Thursday, May 21, 2015 4 Comments A+ a-


Hello Sarah,

I'm sorry to interrupt the Chip War, I know things are getting pretty intense right there but this is something you need to know asap. Besides, the Accretians are probably going to win again anyway. So I hope you don't mind if I ask you take a back seat from RF Online for awhile and listen to what I am going say.

Do you recognize me? Probably not with the curly hair I'm sporting on. I've added an extra weight too. Well, just a little bit. Before you freak out and accuse me being a stalker, relax. It's just me, your future self. I'm writing this while I am taking a break at the office as I enjoy the beautiful view of the sea on my right. Yes, you've read that right. I'm working in an office doing stuff that has something to do with pixels and points, HTML5/CSS3, UI/UX, iOS and Android - things you apparently don't understand right now. You might be confused, but soon you'll find out why and how I ended up here.

What My Break-Up Taught Me

Wednesday, May 20, 2015 6 Comments A+ a-

"All you need is love... love is all you need..."

I'm sorry to burst your bubble Mr. John Lennon, but I have to disagree with you on this. Love is not all you need. Love is not enough. Yep, I say that loud and clear. Straight to the point.

When it comes to relationships, many of us overrate and oftentimes overestimate love. We rely too much on love that we'd think it is the answer to our struggles, the ultimate solution to our relationship goals, the one that conquers all. And while we believe and idealize this thought, little do we know that it is our relationships that pay the price. I believe in not relying our relationships on feelings of love alone because it might be too late to find ourselves drowning in a deep pile of shit when a problem occurs that love cannot solve. Trust me, I've been there and it was not pretty.

I once loved a boy who made me frown, made me mad, and made me cry more than he made me smile. He was far from everything I have ever dreamed of in a man but I loved every bit about him. And it was all that mattered to me. I fought for him because I thought it was worth fighting - taking the risk of breaking the relationship with my family. I was young and in love so I dove into our relationship - head first.

But as time went by, going on and on in a cycle of being hurt, by hurt I mean, being disrespected, got taken for granted, and becoming his last option, made me realize that it wasn't worth the fight. I was unhappy. And the crazy thing is, it kept going on for years because I believed in our love. I loved him and I knew he loved me too despite how many times I have failed him too. We made it seem that our weekly, or worse, daily meaningless dramas and fights did not matter because there was love. It was all that mattered. After all, love conquers all, right?

Fast forward to more years and the cycle was already too much for me to bear that I came to a point that I got fed up and I feigned not to care until there was nothing left to care for. I loved him, but one day I just woke up and realized I couldn't do it anymore. After twelve long years, I let go of his hand. Just like that. It looks easy but it wasn't. Really. It was scary. I was terrified. I cried so much until my eyes could no longer shed a drop of tear. I left, moved on, and never looked back. I wasn't proud of what I did. But I knew right then and there, it was something that I will not ever regret.

Twelve years. Can you imagine that? Nobody will ever think anything can still trample that relationship. We loved each other. We almost tied the knot, but still, we lost everything. Where did we go wrong?

Love.

Truth is, love went wrong. Love is so powerful it can blind you from seeing the other blocks that build a strong relationship such as respect, communication, and commitment (let me break this down into two: quality time and prioritization) - the seemingly very little things we lacked, or ignored, in our relationship. You see, when there is love, and there is just love alone, we tend to fail to exercise the other critical things in building a sturdy and healthy relationship. These are like a mortar that holds the bricks together. That's why even though we felt each other heart to heart, it is no surprise the relationship crumbled to its demise.
Aww... sad pug is sad. Hehe
You see, love alone is definitely not enough. It takes a hell lot more than love to build a relationship that's worth keeping for a lifetime. It requires more than just that chemical reaction from your brain that triggers an intense romantic emotion to build a healthy relationship. It entails self and mutual respect, constant and open communication, and an uninhibited commitment.  I figured this one out the hard way after a terrible breakup. But this break up allowed me to unfold a new chapter of my life and have the way things were meant to be. It gave me the opportunity to grow and be a better person. It helped me learn and see the reality, bitter, and ugly truth about love.

Love is both a boon and a bane. It can be healthy and unhealthy. It is both beautiful and ugly. But it is a wonderful experience. And it is something that I would love to do, feel, and enjoy over and over and over again. Love is great. Love makes life beautiful. Love is important. We need love. But love is not all we need.


On Writing and Insecurities

Saturday, May 16, 2015 2 Comments A+ a-

For the past days, I've been meaning to write something but the words won't spill.

Have you ever had those times when you know you've got something to write but your fingers fumble, your brain freezes, and you stop even before you start?

This is one of those times. And this has been a cycle ever since I discovered my love for writing.

I am not a professional writer nor do I dream of making it big to the publishing world. I am far from becoming a novelist or a poet and neither do I strive to be like Hemingway or Shakespeare (or perhaps I should consider this one because my write-ups are tragic... because it sucks). In fact, I don't have the balls to call myself a writer. But for someone who is not vocally expressive, there is comfort in expressing what goes on inside of the mind and turn them beautifully or tragically into words, isn't there? This is why it agonizes me so much whenever I stare at the blank screen and it stays blank for a long time.

The Canibad Experience

Monday, May 4, 2015 3 Comments A+ a-

Hello, folks! I'm back. While everyone is still not over today's boxing match's big let down, I finally got over with being lazy in writing the next post of my two-part blog. You can read the first part of our misadventure here.

Here goes for the second part...

So Jan and I made it down the mountain. It was already sundown and we had no idea where we were. There were no vehicles to take us to town and we really needed to find a place to eat and stay for the night. Good thing, we met friendly people who told us the nearest resort is just 2 kms away.

We've already trekked steep and rugged terrains, a simple 2-km trek is just a piece of cake. We walked in a relaxed pace knowing we can almost call it a day. Then somewhere in between the rough and rocky road, I saw a familar sight. We're in Canibad! Well, after the horror of getting lost in the mountain, we deserve a place to chill and relax. And I guess, the odds were in our favor this time... Canibad is just perfect.

Misadventures in Mt. Puting Bato

Sunday, May 3, 2015 2 Comments A+ a-

To celebrate a year of dating and loving, Jan and I decided to climb Mt. Puting Bato - Samal Island's highest peak. Just so you know, Mt. Puting Bato is only 1,755 ft above sea level. It's not that high but this is where I was able to put into heart what other experienced mountaineers always remind me: Never underestimate a mountain.

Now let me tell you about a misadventure that took place on the first day of May that could've cost our lives. Okay, I am just exaggerating. But yes, it could have, if we aren't really prepared and smart enough to outwit trouble.

Our plan was to hike Mt. Puting Bato via Tayapoc trail because basing from our research, it is only a 30-minute hike but steeper compared to Guilon trail which is a 2-hour easy ascent. We, of course, chose the shorter trail to save time as we still have other places to go to.

We started hiking at 1:30pm and reached the peak by 2pm. Just in time. But when we got there, it is not the same Puting Bato that I have climbed about ten years ago. It looks totally different. But the view that was set before us is just the same. Beautiful. Breathtaking. And the feeling of freedom that comes from scaling heights, I think, is the the only thing that doesn't change over time.
Mt. Puting Bato, Samal Island 

Uno

Saturday, May 2, 2015 2 Comments A+ a-

I remember the times I get tongue-tied whenever I am asked, "kailan kayo naging kayo?"  That is probably the easiest question any couple will come across with. Not in our case though. We're just as clueless as anybody who would ask us the same question.

Kailan nga ba?  

Honestly, I do not know exactly when because at some point of our friendship, it just happened. Nothing was ever forced. We were like magnets pulled together in a force we can never break away from. Courtship never even happened - which is actually a good thing because Jan never had to put his best foot forward. But I do remember that a year ago, today, Jan and I made it official for formality's sake. It was nothing cheesy nor romantic at that time. The date didn't even matter.

So it follows we don't celebrate 'monthsaries' either. We think it's rather pointless to count the months that we are together, isn't it? I used to make a big deal out of monthsaries back when I was young and all that mattered to me was that it's something that's befitting for couples in love. Not until I met Jan.

Being in a relationship with him made the ordinary days not-so-ordinary. There's no need for a specific date to celebrate love. Our long conversations over a cup of coffee (ditched the old habit though 'cause we're drinking hot choco now hehe), the long walks we shared together, those simple dinner dates sa tabi-tabi, and random escapades are all special to me. So I guess, it's still a matter of appreciating the little things. Besides, I'd rather use the element of surprise sparingly - when my love expects it the least - than do something "special" (out of a habit) every after thirty freakin days. For eleven months, I haven't greeted him. Not even once. Either I am just not the romantic type or I'm like most guys who couldn't care less about special dates. Or both. Or maybe we're too old for that. But allow me to make an exception this time because I like to get mushy once in a while.

Today is apparently different. I am definitely pausing and detaching myself from my own norms for I would like to relive the moment that changed my life forever. It is because a year ago, on this day, I have been able to share many other special days with Jan in my life.

And if this isn't quite sappy enough, go ahead and play this song to complete the mood: