Some people struggle to lose weight. Yung iba hihigop lang ng hangin tumataba na. Lucky for me, I dodged that bullet.

But I'm not really sure if I should be happy about that.

You see, I have been skinny my entire life. While I can devour a whole box of pizza daily without having to buy a new pair of pants, getting wired with genes that burns more calories quickly isn't always a good thing. You can get hated for that. Haha. *wink*

I stand 5'3" and back then hitting 100 lbs no matter how much food I shove down my throat is a struggle.  Whoever said that 'payat' and 'matakaw' can't be used together in one sentence has definitely not seen me. But I got it all wrong. I just realized I am thin because I was making the wrong food choices.

31 years of my entire matakaw life, I never thought that I would actually go on a diet. Oo, si Sarah nagdi-diet na. Akalain mo yun?! And by diet, I mean high protein, less fat diet. I have ditched junk food (although I still have occasional cheat days), started drinking milk (ugh), and ate small frequent healthy meals. And that healthy diet combined with Muay Thai drills that involve muscle strengthening, body conditioning and hardening, is turning this skinny body into a lean and mean fighting machine. Whoever wants to mess up with me should be afraid, be very afraid. xD


At 106 lbs (from 98lbs 2 months ago), I am close to hitting my ideal BMI and that has not even involved binge-eating on burgers like I did before.  I have never felt better. And gaining weight, after all, is not that hard. When I started off, all I wanted was to bulk up. But now, my goals have changed, I want to be fit and strong.

The biggest challenge I hold today is the determination to push myself to the limits as it entails a lot of patience, discipline, and perseverance. And it goes the same with those who struggle to lose weight.

So am I up for the challenge?

Accepted.

P.S.
I've been giving myself different challenges lately. Play 'Sweet Child O Mine' on a string instrument? Did it. Fitness challenge? Doing it. And this time, learn a new programming language? Watch me whip, watch me nail it.

Because it's going to ruin your life.

I just got my payslip and cringed at the tax that I had to pay. But what really turned my stomach was the amount of deduction from my salary.

All because of that snooze button.

That "five more minutes" daily would cost me around Php 1.5k a month. And that five more minutes after another didn't make me feel better. While squeezing five more minutes of sleep might seem glorious, trust me, it is not worth it. First, it doesn't do you any good waking up and getting yourself in another sleep cycle. Second, that extended five minutes will not keep you from waking up groggy. And lastly, hitting that snooze button will only get you broke.

I just calculated all my estimated deductions from tardiness since January this year. And I sincerely wish I didn't do it. The calculator read five figures. Fvck. That amount might have already gotten me a round trip ticket to Batanes. Or I wouldn't have to worry about my pocket money for this month's trip. Damn these old habits that die hard. Damn whoever invented that snooze button. Damn you, self, for calculating.

Lesson learned: do not do Math.

It's already September, I guess it's not yet too late to live my best life in 2016. This morning, I came to work five minutes early. The question now is, how long can I last this challenge? I guess, I should start with my sleeping habits. As the old adage goes, early to bed and early to rise, makes the man healthy and wise.

Pfft.

I think I just felt my eyes roll. Sigh. Hey brain, why must you be active at night? How I wish I can just defy the laws of the universe and simply be able to bend space and time. Whatever.

“If you're always on time, it implies that you never have anything better you should be doing.” - Kelsier. Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn: The Final Empire.

WARNING: This will be another cheesy random blog post.

Although that warning wouldn't really matter because, apparently, everyone in this planet loves cheese...

Except me.

It's probably what people will remember me by. The girl who hates cheese.

And there is nothing quite like getting all the glare with murderous intent from people who cannot fathom how one could have hated cheese. It's like I have committed a mortal sin just for hating it and I should be damned for eternity. Although I would definitely feel the same way to anyone who doesn't like bacon.

I hate cheese and all things cheese. Except quesadilla. And pizza. And I would definitely love to have a blueberry and cream cheese waffle right now.

I'd be damned if this was edible.

Anyway, I have made my point. I don't like cheese. Period. Now, let's talk about my love-hate relationship with ketchup and how a sheer act of getting it out of its bottle or tearing open a sachet frustrates me.

I am not over-thinking and I am not trying to be over dramatic here but I am pretty sure the internet is trying to kill me.

With the round-the-clock birth of information and non-stop stream of news, not to mention the political hullabaloo happening on social media (this has got to be the most exciting toxic election ever), the internet has robbed me of my sleep. Yes, there are so many ways the internet can kill you and this is just one of them.

Fact: Lack of sleep kills sex drive. Sleep specialists say that sleep-deprived men and women report lower libidos and less interest in sex. Depleted energy, sleepiness, and increased tension may be largely to blame. (source)

In that case, I'd be double dead by now.

Hi!

I'm finally back! I guess, I really couldn't keep this blogging hiatus for a long time (yay!). Well, it's Saturday. I was slowly dying of boredom and I was about to finish myself off by listening to one more Justin Beiber song (I told you, I'm starting to become a Belieber) when I got an email saying I have won (a runner up) in Electrolux's Blog Writing Holiday Edition Contest. Sweet baby cheeses, life-saver, you are! Nabuhayan ako ng dugo.

Aside from winning and having a nasty virus that sent me sneezing and coughing sticky greenies (please excuse the mental graphic scene) that has done a pretty good job embarrassing me in quiet meetings and public places, the past weeks went by without much incident. I mean, I have been having no-bullshit days. And I think that's horrible. I cannot write anything when nothing bad happens (or when I'm too happy, too). And also, I haven't been thinking about anything lately. And that is terrifying for an over-thinker like me.

But not having a bad day isn't that bad at all. LOL. For the past few days, I have been working my ass off. And honestly, this new job is a bitter-sweet ride. I have got to admit, it wasn't easy transitioning from a skill-wise low self-esteemed Software Designer (that's how my previous boss made me feel) into a full-fledged Front-end Web Developer. But I love what I'm doing. I haven't gotten bored or stressed (yet) coding websites and fixing bugs, not to mention with a platform and framework that is totally new to me. Come on, Team Z, bring it on! (I hope our team lead wouldn't read this, baka kasi bigyan ako ng maraming tasks) Haha.

Anyway, Jan and I were supposed to have a medical examination today. But since this nasty sticky green goo is still dripping non-stop from my nostrils, I decided to just rest and have our med exam moved to Monday or Tuesday instead. Funny how this should be a perfect time to go and see a doctor but I had to be well before I can actually see a doctor. I need a clean medical certificate that would show I am fit for something that is physically strenuous. I'm afraid that a simple cough and cold on the record would restrict me from doing so. Paranoid lang.

Actually, I don't remember the last time I paid my doctor a visit. I usually turn to Dr. Google when something goes wrong. And funny how I still turn to him, when in fact, he can be scarier than any other quack doctors combined for he doesn't shy away from bad news. He has this pretty amazing way of convincing you that you have a brain cancer or ebola or that you are going to die.

We will all die anyway.

But I don't want to die of brain cancer or ebola. But maybe I would die of excitement. Because in the incoming days, Jan and I will be traveling far for another adventure. And I'm really stoked. And now that I think about it, uso pa ba ang laglag bala sa NAIA? Because I am now thinking how I find it derogatory not to mention dehumanizing that we have to secure our bags in the strangest, weirdest, and most ridiculous possible way just to protect ourselves from the very same people who were tasked by law to protect us. Hay nako! Makastress!

Nah. Here I go again, thinking about the worst possible things to happen. The chances of being victimized by Laglag Bala would be slim anyway. We're not even rich to begin with, and we don't even look rich. Pero dapat parin maging maingat.

Wow. I think I just talked about a lot of things in just one blog post. So much for the short hiatus, huh? February has been good so far. And I believe the rest of 2016 will be the same. See you on my next adventure! :)

For the past weeks, I was robbed of my peace of mind. That's what I get for overthinking and over analyzing things, for worrying about the future and possible worst-case scenarios, and for being too weak to get out of that thinking loop.

And just when I got off the grid, I become deeply saddened hearing that one of my favorite actors was avada kedevrad by cancer. Alan Rickman. Although I still wish that what I've read from CNN was just a hoax. :(

Goodbye Professor Snape, the Half-blood Prince, Head of the Slytherin House, Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher, Potions Master, member of the Order of the Phoenix, the bravest wizard I've ever known, and that one person I've never expected to learn so much about love from.

“But this is touching, Severus,” said Dumbledore seriously. “Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?”
“For him?” shouted Snape. “Expecto Patronum!”
From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I have loved Snape even before the movies came out. But Alan Rickman amplified what's already beautiful. He's got the voice, the attitude, that swoop, and the style that makes his portrayal to the character flawless. There could have never been a better Professor Snape. And I don't think I'd like to see someone else play such a hated and yet well-loved character. No one can say "Always" better than he does. He is the best and the only Severus Snape there could ever be.

There were already too many celebrity deaths and I've never been this affected. I'm a tough meanie, but this got me teary-eyed. Really. Perhaps, this has stricken me so much because I am a certified Potterhead and I've always been a Slytherin - a proud one.

To the man who can bewitch the mind and ensnare our senses, to the one who was able to bottle fame and brew glory, and even though you weren't able to put a stopper in death, that doesn't make you any less of the awesome you are. Thank you, Alan Rickman for all those years of brilliant entertainment, for teaching us that heroes can hide even in the most unlikely places, and for breathing life into Professor Snape and making him real.

The world has lost a little magic but all the houses are united tonight.

I raise my wand in your honor. You will surely be missed.

Always. Alan Rickman 1946-2016

At this point, people have already realized that on the internet:

1. Everyone has an opinion.

2. Everybody is smart.

3. Nobody knows you're a dog.

Yes, these are the dark times.

I used to be such a stickler for correct grammar, punctuation, spelling, and all that jazz. But then, 16 years of exposure to the internet since the mIRC days, I have learned to tolerate grammatical errors knowing:

1. The English language is constantly evolving.

2. My grammar can be all over the place. And I've been corrected too many times already. Teeeheee. :D

3. I just don't fucking care anymore.

Perhaps throughout those16 years, more than half of it were spent on the internet alone. If I wasn't busy making my life look good online, I'd catch myself in between arguments with flamers and trolls trying to make a point from something that's already pointless. The internet has become so vast and powerful that it's no surprise how it can actually stir up emotions. No matter how tough I can be, a little snide comment about me from an anonymous sender can sting.

It was only when I got a little older that I learned how to brush off personal attacks. But I have got to admit, there were those times when the urge to retaliate is too strong, all because of one thing: poor grammar and spelling. And it breaks my heart when I had to read two or three times to figure out what the writer (or my attacker for that matter) means because I had to dumb myself down to understand it.

Ang sarap patulan. But seeing that he/she cannot even tell the difference between your and you're, wag na lang. This is why I oftentimes reject an argument. Life is too short to go to a war-zone over razor-sharp comments against someone who thinks highly of himself but cannot even remember a simple high school English lesson. I completely understand a few grammar slip ups or misspelled words, but I will never be cool with constant grammar mistakes combined with an opinion that shames other people. Criiiiinge! Not worth my time.

I know I might be raising an eyebrow right now. And I may seem a little tough to those whose first language isn't English. I want to make it clear that I'm no Grammar Nazi and I have nothing against those who try to communicate properly. But for someone who likes to bomb others with ad hominem attacks, at least, do it properly and I just might give you a good argument. Or just shut the hell up if you can't. It doesn't take a lot to know the difference between "Your shit" and "You're shit." Unless you are the idiot you were referring to when you said, "Your a idiot."

Kung mangaaway ka na nga lang, please lang, umasta nang naaayon sa talino.

This rant just made me hungry. 

As someone who doesn't wear make up, the most comforting words I'll ever hear from another woman are, "I don't know how to put a makeup on either."

Yes! I am still a woman after all. Haha!

The other day, I found new (still sealed) lipsticks in one of our drawers. It was from my dad and mom said it was for me. I'm not really sure how long has it been sitting in there. But I tried it on anyway. I smoothed the lipstick on like a pro, 'cause it was as easy as putting a ChapStick. Then the next thing I know, one of my buck tooth's covered with red. And I broke the lipstick.

I'm an artist. I can make bad designs look good. This should be easy.

I have a lot to blog in mind. I would have loved to write about how the political brouhaha has blown out of proportion. But I won't. I'll leave that to the social media people who are more "active" with politics. I just want to stay away from my pa-deep thoughts for a while and write about anything shallow and mundane. It has been quite stressful lately. Something serious is the last thing I would need today.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to start a new routine that involves shutting off the alarm at 4 o'clock in the morning, exercising, and dressing up smartly. And I just realized I haven't gotten a new wardrobe for the last 2 years. I don't remember the last time I actually bought something new for myself (except for that hiking shoes) without including last Friday's mishap when I bought a white dress to wear for the Davao Bloggers Society White Party. Yikes!

I would've loved to make do what's already in my closet. But throw in my pambahays and Jan's shirt that I wear most of the nights, plus a couple more shirt I got free from my old office, and my neighbor's dog still has more clothes than I do. Yeah, that's how pathetic my closet is. If only I could fit into that white Juicy Couture doggie track suit with hoodie, then I'm good to go.

Well, I could also sport my usual outfit of the day year (shirt, jeans, and sneakers, but in white) if I want to but I got this feeling that I should wear something presentable. So I bought one cute dress and I know it's going to be a one time use only. Buti na lang mura lang sya. Lucky if I get to join another white party. (Where else can I use an all white dress anyway?) 

Now I remember how funny it was when people used to gang up on me each time I wear a dress that I get frozen with their compliments like I just won an award or something. Haha. At least, for the incoming party, dressing up will be less of a shock since I don't know anyone there except perhaps the familiar faces of the bloggers I met in 2013. I don't think they can even remember me. I haven't really joined any other events after the acquaintance party. But still, I'm pretty excited about it, although I really do not know what to expect there. Some dancing, maybe? Haha.


I have no idea.

---

I have always been fascinated with people - guys for that matter - who play guitar. And I've always wanted to be the one who can play the guitar. I wanted to be a badass guitarist. You know. The one who plays with the band that lives and breathes beautiful music. That chic worshipped by rocker boys who got blown away by her jaw-dropping solo.

Back when guitarists were labeled "cool" and the one who'd always get the attention (and by guitarist, I mean anyone who can carry a tune with the instrument), I was pretty excited when one of my friends in high school taught me how to play the guitar. I grabbed the neck, laid it close to my chest, hugged the body, and made love with it. It was a beautiful moment. I told myself I'm going to be a budding female version of Slash sans the top hat. (I only know Slash because of Sweet Child O' Mine. Other than that... No, I won't pretend that I really know him. But yes, I wanted to have mad skills like Slash.)

Finally, Sunday! The week has been pretty exhausting. I never thought that running a food business can be draining, especially for us who have no experience, training, or whatsoever on this.

Just to give you a little background, my friends and I started this food business that will run for the whole duration of Hudyakaan sa Kadayawan starting August 14 until August 23. I thought we've had a good start-up plan. Menu, costing, staff, and equipment were all planned out well but when put into the actual situation of serving beer and pulutan to an overwhelming number of customers, everything seemed to whirl in eddies that I was left stupefied and, not to mention, clumsy. But I'm glad we made it through our first night without losing money and sanity; although I can say it was kind of a disaster. Haha.

Popong Landero in the house!

I've finally set up my work station. My sacred space. It is still a work in progress though as I plan on putting a cork board and a clock on the wall. And until I don't have a big monitor and a very comfy chair, then I cannot say I'm all set. But for now, I can say my work space is absolutely my favorite place in the house.

Remember how my desk looked before? Well, my blog does. And that was already the tidiest it can get. Thought I'd show you this new sacred sanctuary while it is still in its immaculate form. I know myself well, and I don't think this clean desk will last a week. But I will try to keep things neat every now and then. That's a promise.

I spent a couple of days deciding how my work space should look. I wanted something that's welcoming, visually attractive, and relaxing. It took me a while to decide on the theme. At first I wanted something cute because, well, cute. How can I argue with cute? But cute comes with light and many colors, and I find it too flashy and distracting.

So I have fine-combed almost every novelty and thrift shops here in Davao, and found a few things that I think would be perfect for my desk - and at a cheaper price too. So here's how my desk looks now:

How I wish I can.

Just when you feel that everything around is trying to crush your spirit and put you down, you will realize that people who suck the life out of you actually exist. Sometimes it makes me wonder how people can actually take advantage of your kindness just to get what they want and feel no remorse about it.

But then if you have to think about it real hard, such people are, unfortunately, part of your learning and growing up. They allow you to see the nuances of human personalities and it helps you screen people out of your life.

Screening people, however, can be a painful process. Because vulnerability is an essential part of this. You have to be vulnerable to people and allow them to throw whatever they can throw at you if you wish to see the ones who are worth keeping.

Being vulnerable puts you in situations you wish you will never be. And right now, I am in a vulnerable state - sandwiched between doing the right thing and doing the good thing. They're almost the same but have drastically different end results. There's a very subtle line between the two and how I wish I didn't have to learn to see it the hard way. It's hard to keep everything in perfect balance. It's like finding yourself one leg on air, the other on a tightrope.

This is the point when I feel that my choices are not reasonable enough that I have allowed people to dictate my life. I just want to see to it that everybody is happy with my decisions even if it means a part of me gets crushed. But going back to what I said earlier, that's when the picture of people taking advantage of your kindness (or weakness) comes in. They tend to abuse it and they feel they can do anything as they please. And I cannot deny that I am foolish enough to know this but still allow them to do it.

I hate it when I get trapped in situations like this and I know there's no one to blame but me. I feel consumed by pain and regret. Why do they always have to come together? It felt like a stake being driven straight to my heart. I would have easily dodged it, if I chose to. But I guess, I have just let myself be vulnerable this time. What I didn't anticipate is the fatality of the blow that I found myself bathing in my own blood. A mistake I can never undo.

I will just think of this as part of my existence. Whatever I am going through can make me bolder. I am glad I am still holding up. And I am glad that despite how much I abhor the flip side of the society, there are people who are there to catch you before you trip hard and fall onto the ground. There are people who know you and remind who you really are. There are people who will never leave your side and listen to you whine, no matter how shallow or deep the issue is. And I think that's what fuels me in this journey.

I know a lot of you are wondering what the hell I am talking about. Shit just happened and I just wanted to let it all out. So if my thoughts came out confusing, pardon me if I wasted your time for this. But anyway, right now I pray for more patience. Because I just might beat someone to death if I ask for more strength. Haha. Kidding.

I still use it anyway.

I'll be honest with you. Facebook, or the people using Facebook can be annoying as hell. However, no Facebook posts are more annoying than a person who complains about how annoying Facebook is. Just like this one. So yeah, I'm gonna annoy you with things about Facebook that annoy me so much that I have to waste precious time blogging about it. Here goes...

1. Check-ins. Do we really need to know where you are and what you are doing every effin' minute of your life? Unless you're in some grand tourist landmark like the Eiffel Tower, because I believe that is worth sharing, then you are excused. And yes, you can actually go to the gym without posting about it on Facebook.

2. Attention whores a.k.a people taking selfies of the same face from different angles trying to fish for compliments. Worse, those pretending-to-be-asleep kind of selfies. Seriously?

3. Nudity. I'm in no position nor am I a goody-two-shoes to abhor such thing. But in Facebook, really? There are other places for that. You want links? I'll gladly email them to you.

4. Graphic photos and videos. Not everyone can tolerate stomach-churning images as much as you do. Be sensitive with what you share.

5. Chain messages. I can't believe people who share such bs still exist. I thought they were gone for good the time I lost my eudoramail. Geez.

6. Endless rants and fights that surprisingly have the ability to pull down your vibrant mood too. This.

I regret not paying attention to my Chinese lessons. You see, I have spent my entire preschool and grade school days at Stella Maris Academy of Davao, where almost everyone you meet is fair-skinned, chinky-eyed, and with a surname that consists of only two to three letters.

For eight years, I have repeatedly written stroke after stroke after stroke those Chinese characters in our shadi-po. I was fluent during those times of our graded oral recitation. I sang songs in Chinese. And I knew how to pray in Chinese fairly well. But all these felt like a formidable task that I dreaded it just the same as my Math lessons.

Surviving that eight-year plight didn't mean anything though, for all I can clearly muster right now are the words wo ai ni, ni hao ma, and count from one to ten. If there's anything I knew by heart, it would be the cussing in Chinese. Haha. Well, who doesn't?

If I didn't think learning Chinese was insignificant, perhaps I would have known how to read, write, and speak in Chinese by now. With my chinita eyes, I could perhaps pass as Chinese. And if I knew how to speak it, I might even have an excuse not to work later because it's Chinese New Year. Haha.

I know it's too late for me to learn Chinese. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up my aspiration to learn a foreign language. I'm working for more than a year with a Swedish boss and I should take advantage of that. I already know a few words and I can navigate my way on websites and apps with Swedish language. So I guess, that's a start.

Anyway, for someone who's already accustomed with Chinese traditions, I am welcoming CNY with this blog. I wish everyone to have the motivation and determination to work hard (including me) for a prosperous year. Gong Xi Fa Cai! :)

Note to self.

Having a pet.

I have always been a dog person. Since the time I was born until I graduated in college, I have always had a dog. Being the only child (for 14 years), I considered my pooches as part of the family - a sibling. Someone I've slept with, cuddled with, shared my food with and talked to whenever I feel down. They're smart and they know how to empathize that you'll forget they are not human. I bet, they are even smarter, more compassionate, and have more heart than half the people you meet.

With Amber, my last dog. She was stolen from me :(

I've had cats too. And fishes. And birds. Even spiders. I have always loved animals. Back then I dreamed of becoming a vet or a wildlife biologist one day. But I was too driven (and influenced) to earn more money, and vets here don't really make a lot; so for practical reasons and perhaps my lack of passion, I ditched that dream. No regrets though (because I love my job).

But seeing myself green with envy whenever I see posts of my friends and their pets on social media, or wanting to pick up an abandoned kitten by the highway, or feeling happy whenever Jan's dogs would meet and greet me each time I come to their home wouldn't hide the fact that I miss having a non-human species to take care of and shower my affections with. Unfortunately, my schedule doesn't permit me to have one. So having canine or feline friends is definitely out of the question.

I am thinking of getting perhaps a fish or a tarantula again. But I prefer the latter. Tarantulas are beautiful, doesn't require a lot of your attention, doesn't need to be fed everyday, and can really be boring yet it is still one of the most fascinating creatures and greatest stress relievers you'll ever know.

This was my Mexican Fireleg Tarantula (B. boehmei) named Dianne. :)

Not to mention, I love setting up terrariums. I find comfort and fulfillment to it the same way I find comfort in arranging a bookshelf. So I guess, I have already made up my mind. If money will not be an issue, I will get myself a creepy-crawly-spidey anytime this year. I'm crossing my fingers for a Green Bottle Blue (GBB) because I never had one and I have always wanted one.

I'll start digging for care sheets again and might as well contact my fellow hobbyists for help. Yay! I am pretty excited about this one. Wish me luck! :)

In case you might be interested, here are some photos of my Ts:

Not mine. But this has got to be the fattest cat I have ever seen. Nope, not preggo. The cat's a he, actually.

A few weeks ago an old friend dropped by unexpectedly. He's a regular guest, always coming unannounced.

We had something way back. We were roommates for a varying length of time. I think he's cool. He says I rock in that Taylor Swift raccoon eye make-up. We watched movies together and he loves Harry Potter too. We read books together and we do it all night long. I think he's smart. He always has this way of stimulating my mind. We exchanged ideas from night until morning. He's creative too. Sometimes he fuels my imagination as I've done a lot of artworks with him. I had a lot of fun and memorable experience with him that there are times I would never want him to leave. But he left anyway.

It's been a long time. We haven't spoken for months or maybe it was a year ago since I last saw him. I have watched the World Cup alone that sometimes I wish he'd come so I'd never have a shut-eye moment and we can both cheer for our favorite teams. He never paid a visit. Not once. I already felt comfortable and got used to not having him around. I felt so much better without his presence that I almost forgot about him. Until one day he came through the back door.

He discreetly went straight into my room and unpacked his bag. He used to bring with him trepidation, loathing, and regret. I'm not certain what he has for me this time. One thing I know is for sure though, he's not here to stay for the night. He even went with us on a short vacation just recently.

As much as I no longer want to welcome him, he's an old friend that's hard to push away. I'll be waking up to my dreams again, good or bad. I'll be having 3am musings again, like this one I am typing right now.

I don't have a task right now and I've been spending my precious working hours trying to figure out what else can I do aside from researching-just-for-research-sake-because-i-have-nothing-else-to-do-kind-of-task. I am bored. Hence, time is running painfully slow. But who am I to complain? I get paid for this anyway.

I plugged my earphones in hopes that it can slowly kill boredom. Turned on Spotify's radio, chose a random station and to my surprise, it played Jamelia's Superstar. I was discreetly dancing in place. Head bobbing, feet moving, hands in motion but not too obvious for the boss to notice. I was trying to remember the steps when we danced this way back 2004.

I miss dancing. I haven't danced since time immemorial. The last time I danced on stage was during my college days. And yes, I do miss the limelight, the audience, the screams, and the glory.

That's me (blue) during one of the Panther's intermission numbers

It was a year or two ago when I actually bought an xbox 360 with kinect and Dance Central 3 to make up for the absence of dancing in my life. It did a pretty good job acting as a filler for something that I really love to do. But it's still different from the kind of dancing that I am used to, the one where I give out all my heart not minding the number of people sitting on the bleachers as they lock their eyes on you.

Panthers Pep Squad. Goofin around during our waterbreak. Circa 2006.

I miss dancing so much. I miss those late night practices, the body pains, the rigorous warm-ups and bone-breaking stretches, the crazy people I danced with, and of course, that triumphant feeling of gracefully pulling off a complicated step then you hear the deafening roar of awe and applause from the audience.

I love dancing. And I wish that one day I'd be able to move my body to the rhythm of the music again. Because I want to dance for myself, for the people, and last but not the least, for the best audience of my lifetime, the Big Guy up there.

PNSA 2004

This day didn't go very well. Seems like everybody and everything that surround me is testing my patience. I lost my cool; one more tic and I'd reach my boiling point. This day simply sucks. I want it to end so soon that I'm already looking forward to working on Monday.

But one message changed everything. Just one simple message from the boyfriend and it brightened my rather gloomy day. It wasn't even cheesy. It's just a simple and casual message. And just by that, I know he's thinking of me.

They said it's always nice to have someone in your life who can make you smile even when they're not around. I wouldn't disagree on that because it is absolutely true.

Now that I think about it, I think about how lucky I am to have that someone. Someone who can make my day no matter how rough it has been. Someone who can make me smile even when he's doing nothing. His thoughtfulness and love trumps all the challenges and whatever sh*t comes my way. Now that I think about it, I know and I am so thankful to be blessed beyond compare.

And oh, look at these yummies! There, there. That's double strafe. Nothing can ever ruin my day. Hahaha :)