I am at my lowest point today. I lost my appetite, my motivation to work, and myself. I went to the office with very low spirits; unable to laugh at jokes, unable to hold a short conversation, unable to do anything right. And even those cheer-ups and pat-on-the-backs from my friends didn't work.

I smile to suppress whatever it is that I am feeling and for them not to notice it but my eyes say otherwise. The feeling's already too heavy to contain I was about to burst.

Thank God, there's Jan who was there for me even if he wasn't in his best condition. I wouldn't know how to cope if he wasn't there. Thank you Lord, for giving me a shoulder to cry on.

Jan, thanks again. I got your back, you got mine. Here's a song for you :)

My fantasy shelf. Just don't mind those 3 other non-fantasy books there (if you happen to see it)

A little conversation over Viber with someone special, not to mention, someone that I miss is more than enough to make my day. :)

Right now, I feel I am irrationally attracted to someone. And it is not just a mere form of sexual or romantic attraction. I know it runs deeper than that. There's a connection. A strong one at that. It feels like there's something in my core that inevitably, irresistibly, and inexplicably pushes me to connect with that person.

And that connection is the reason why from being a risk-taker I became too cautious because losing that connection is what scares me the most. On the other hand, if I don't take risks, I might end up losing what's already there.

I hate dilemmas. This is kinda hard. All my life I thought choosing what dress to wear is the hardest thing to decoide on. haha

While commuting on my way home, I caught someone looking at me with a hint of smile in his eyes. Then I realized maybe he caught me in deep thought while staring blankly in an open space and then suddenly smiling from time to time. I may have looked crazy at that moment, but I can't help it. There are just simple things that can make me smile, and even just the thought of it can already make me happy.

If there's one thing life has taught me, it is to be thankful for the simplest and even the most ordinary things in life.

There's really no need to sprinkle on a little fancy or throw in flowery words to experience the extraordinary. Ordinary things can really be awesome sometimes.

Sharing ordinary moments with someone, like for example, having a simple but intimate conversation under a tree, or simply blurting out the same set of words simultaneously (this is a rare phenomenon and it is something to smile about hahaha), or simply talking about random things over a cup of coffee, or a simple holding of hands that can send shivers down your spine -- these are the kind of moments you (or I, for that matter) would love to hold, cherish and would tend to reminisce over and over.

I believe in simple acts, simple words, simple everything because they are, after all, the genuine ones; and nothing can beat something that is real. :)

Ecstatic.

That's exactly how I am feeling right now (and the past few days, of course!).

I never believed in chemistry (although it was one of my favorite subjects before). Chemistry, spark, compatibility, really? I was skeptic until I was the one who experienced it first-hand. Funny thing is, at 28, I never thought I'd feel this way. You know, just like the way you felt during those teeny weeny years when you got butterflies on your tummy. But this time, I know it is something more than that. Something more profound.

Bliss. And it is genuine.

Yeah, it feels good. No, it feels insanely great. And to say that, is an understatement.

I feel so blessed to have such friends who will be there for you through thick and thin, have seen your worst, to whom you can be absolutely stupid with, and who will slap you when they know you're doing something wrong. I do have a lot of friends, but only three cliques are really close to my heart to which I consider my family:

I'm not really in the mood to write about anything right now. But since our Seagull Mountain Resort was such an amazing adventure, it would be a crime if I let the days pass without sharing it. Because despite the deep sh*t I am into, I believe this is one of the best days of my life. :)

Seagull Mountain Resort Waterfalls

Earlier, we played a game "Catch the Killer", where players can be a killer, a healer, or just a normal citizen. The citizens will have to investigate and guess who the killer is (and we can only guess by observing their reaction, what they say, or how they act - it's more like a psychological game). I won three times in a row of being a killer. Not that I have a mind of a killer. But they said I have this game face on, a poker face. They can never tell.

I guess that's what I'm really good at. You know, hiding how I truly feel. People see me happy. And I know I just feign it. I can never lie to myself. When alone, I drown in tears and pretend like everything's okay the next day. I may seem to look happy but I still feel that sting, a pang of fear, uncertainty, anger, and remorse all rolled into one. Beyond the laughs I feel pain. And not even the loudest laughter can suppress it, not from me at least anyway.

So this is how it feels when you've just given up. This is how a heartbreak feels. The pain is just so real. How am I surviving this? Do you know the line just fake it until you make it? Well, I think  it's working pretty well for me. And I hope I can get through this in one piece.

Anyway, sorry for the short pathetic post. Shit happens and I just needed to vent.

P.S. I'm not a pathetic-emo-looking-damsel-in-distress, I still flash a smile despite being in the pits, and that for sure is the only thing that's remaining genuine right now. :)

I remember the time during a long bus ride from Gensan to Davao, I had this great conversation with a friend. And among all the things we have talked about, there's this one line he uttered that struck me the most which now became one of my life's mantra: Look on the bright side.

I've heard this line a thousand times before but I never really took it by heart until I'm the one sinking in deep shit. It got me thinking, why I linger on the negative when I can just look at the positive side and head towards that direction?

Yes I know, it's easier said than done. But there's no harm in trying, right? So to fully embrace that line and learn how to turn lemons into lemonade, I'm starting with small steps that will eventually lead me to see lifein a positive way—which you may find helpful too. So here's to a good one:

Ever since I became a mom, I have inadvertently alienated myself from all forms of fun. I was reluctant to nightlife parties, I've always said NO to barkada outings, booze became a thing of the past, and the list goes on. Family-work-chores-wash-rinse-repeat. Yes, I was that lifeless. The only ember that's keeping my life aglow is my son.

Life was quite easy (and bland) back then that boredom became my comfort zone. But I guess I've seen what I am becoming, a wallflower - unsociable and almost non existent to many people, that I decided to step out of it and become human once again.

My new job, or my officemates slash new found friends rather, have opened a new portal for me. The life I never had in the last four years is slowly coming back. And I am already seeing the way I once was: a free spirited kid.

I started to read a new epic fantasy novel the other night and I can say that it is an awesome book because the first few pages held me captive. The only thing that's keeping me from turning the pages is the fact that I still have work in the morning. Bummer.

First, I would like to thank the slight, almost unnoticeable pain in my jaw that I felt when I got home tonight. I realized that I have been laughing and smiling most of the time for the whole day as my officemates and I talked about the wacky and catastrophic episodes during our company's team building that happened just last Saturday. Well, we all had a blast and we definitely have something fun to talk about. Two days, and we still can't get over it.

Second, who wouldn't love it when one of your bosses comes over your desk to give thumbs up and commends you for a job well done? It feels oh so great!

And lastly, an officemate brought a box full of mango squares and it was my first time to eat one. I'm not really into sweets, but this one takes the cake. I got one happy tummy, yay!

This Monday has really been good to me... it's definitely a triple treat. September has been awesome. It started well and it ended well too... Thank you Lord! :)

Everyone who knew me and those who read my blog know that I've been working at home ever since I got my first job. July this year, I was quite devastated when I heard the news that the company I work with (and came to love) has to put me from full-time to contractual work since sales and AU dollar rate have been declining. Meaning, I only have work to do and get paid when the need arises.

It's actually the biggest heartbreak of my career because: One, my bosses are really nice. You will seldom see nice (and forgiving) foreign bosses like them. Two, I had a great team. A project manager and developers that I can collaboratively work flawlessly with, beat that. Three, it's the highest paying company I've ever been to that my salary as a designer can equal to that of a developer (or even higher compared to other companies).

I admit it, I know it's shallow, but the last one bit me the hardest.

September marks the month of transition. Well, to most Pinoys, the start of BER months mean a transition from the ordinary days to the festivities of Christmas. As early as the first day of September some friends are already posting Christmasy statuses on Facebook. So if you're getting a Christmas greeting in social media as early as the first of September, we have not lost our minds. It's just a culture thing.

Well, yeah, I feel the transition. But this September begins a bigger transition in my life. Starting tomorrow, I will be a WAHM (work-at-home-mom) no more. Yep, you heard that right. I will no longer be waking up at the heat of the sun on my face, turn on the laptop and work on my jammies. Starting tomorrow I will have a new routine which includes dressing smartly, beating the rush hour, getting stuck in the traffic, going up the elevator, and checking in.

For months I've been going back and forth the sites Share Your Shelf and Book Shelf Porn.  I really enjoy looking at other people's bookshelf. They fascinate me. And I easily fall in love with bookshelves no matter how organized and disorganized they are. Finding new reads, seeing what others read, what books we have in common, how one organizes his shelf... I think it's orgasmic. I believe that is every book lover's nature. Right? So, I thought I would like to share and bring you on a virtual tour to my own bookshelf.

I don't really organize or arrange books in particular way. Although, I do rearrange my books (for hours!) from time to time because I find it comforting. Mind you, I am a very messy person, but when it comes to my shelf, OCD always kicks in. hahaha. Although I was never one in the first place. It's like some OCD inducing bug bites me whenever I get near my shelf. LOL.

....through photos!

I was born in 1985 in Manila, but we moved to Mindanao before I turned 1. I spent 27 years in Davao but only cared about my hometown when I turned ten. I never really got to see the beauty of Davao in the late 80s and early 90s. But thanks to Davao of the Past | A Repository of Old Davao Images, I got the chance to visit my beautiful hometown even in the earliest times.  Yep, even as early as the days of Spanish Colonization.

Delight came over me as my eyes feasted to more than a hundred old photographs. I feel so nostalgic even though I know I haven't been to that time, but I know it is where I always belong. Seeing the beautiful and developing years of Davao has made me happy; but sadness coupled with yearning also dawned upon me as I know I will never be able to visit those places. Not in their grandiose form, to say the least.

These are just a few of my favorite photos that I grabbed from the page (circa 1920s-1980s, in no particular order). Way better than any instagram filter, right? So see for yourself the beauty the old Davao has to offer. What would I not give in a heartbeat to jump back to this era? :)

The old cinemas in Claveria where we used to watch a movie doubled with another movie.  Of course, this photo is way older.

We came from different cultures, different families, practice different religions, go to different schools, live different ways. We are so different in so many ways but there's one thing in common about us, WE ARE DABAWENYOS. And we are so proud of it.

Well, who wouldn't be? Davao is the only place in the country where I feel I am most safe. It's the only place where you can actually walk around downtown area in the wee hours of the morning while flaunting your most expensive gadget and not feel worried about it. Or where taxi drivers don't take advantage on you, especially when you're a tourist. Or where you can't spot a single smoker in the open (yep, health-wise, it's the safest). And yes, I can name more.

When I'm on facebook, I don't just spend my time stalking on people's profiles and read about what they do with their lives. I join groups. Groups for mommies, bloggers, freelancers, hobbyists, online money makers and whatnot. Groups where you find healthy discussions, lessons from experiences, advises, and whatever useful tips you can get from there. Yep, these groups actually prove that facebook's existence is not just for stalkers, braggart, and/or attention seekers - just like every one of us. hahaha

While lurking on one of my most visited groups, Girltalk - a group for women, particularly moms who want to share their journey of motherhood, I came across a number of threads about full-time working moms who are in a dilemma of quitting their jobs to become full-time hands-on mom.


Not everyone is privileged to have an uber rich husband that you can just take your hands off work and focus on the kids instead. It is difficult because at times like this, when bills, milk, diaper, medical, and tuition fee prices go sky high, I can say that money does matter. You work because you want to provide. Provide not just what you can, but provide what you think is best. Right?

Upon hearing(or should I say reading) the sentiments of other moms, I have realized that I am indeed very blessed. Every day, I work an 8-12hour shift, and at the same time I tend to my son's needs and prepare him for school, and during breaks or just right after work, I am still able to do a few house chores like cooking, cleaning the house, washing the dishes, and/or doing the laundry.

Everyday is too much of a juggle, I would say that. Hiring a yaya even occurred to me, but I oftentimes ditch that thought because I can still handle one very active toddler, the pressing house chores, and the light pressure from work.  The routine's pretty exhausting, really. But I'm not complaining (although sometimes, I do!). When I do, all I just think is to be thankful that I have a job that earns pretty well (at least the boyfriend doesn't have to shoulder all the expenses, plus it puts my self worth at a level), a house that I keep in order, and a family that I can take care of.

Not everyone is lucky to become a work-at-home-mom (WAHM). It's really tiring but the rewards are oh so priceless. I can just take my hands off the keyboard anytime my son asks for a kiss or a hug, who wouldn't love that? :)

I've never been this idle since I got myself into the world of WAHMs (Work at Home Mom). You know, given the time I save from commuting to and fro, I should have the liberty for a hobby or something.

Okay, I do have a hobby but it's not as strenuous as before. As a matter of fact, it doesn't even require to move a muscle. lol

When was the last time I actually worked up a sweat? Or tried something new? I used to be soooo active. I was once a football player, a dancer, a mountaineer. But now? Now, I am exhausted. Exhausted for doing nothing. I fear that my thirst for thrill and vigor has slowly gone away. :(

Right now, I TERRIBLY MISS (yes, in bold uppercase letters):