Back to Square One

All this time I thought I am prepared for this. But I guess, I must have pushed that button resetting all the things I already learned about newborn care. 

I have found myself Googling about things I am certain I knew before. Cord stump care, what a normal poop should look like, how much can a newborn consume, and so much more. Those seemingly ridiculous questions such as why babies pout their lips or why they make funny noises or how much milk tea can a breastfeeding momma consume also fill my search history. Thankfully, Google wouldn't mind the hundred and one weird questions I throw and doesn't judge my parenting skills based on what I search for.

We Made This

Tiny beautiful human. We nicknamed him Paopao because he looks like a siopao.

That's all the update I can give for now because having to wake up every two hours at night and go on with the rest of the day as if you had a full night's sleep is no easy feat. But one of these days, I might tell you about my very painful labor, no-epidural delivery story because you might learn a thing of two from it, especially if you are an expecting mom. 

Have a nice day, everyone! 😄

The Beautiful Side of Pregnancy

I know you've been reading (especially from me) a lot of these off-putting things about pregnancy. Well, every horrible thing you hear every mother is going through is all true and would even be an understatement. What you don't hear more often are the beautiful things that happen during pregnancy. Believe me, there are!

So before our world will go topsy-turvy when our little boss comes out, here are the moments I definitely enjoy while pregnant:

36 Weeks!

In news as inconceivable as me finally eating and loving cheese, my OB has put me on a low-carb, less-sugar diet because I have gained 10 pounds within a month and it doesn't show. And for someone who has never been on a diet, IT IS SO DIFFICULT. We're scheduled for our last fetal biometry ultrasound tomorrow and we're hoping the baby has not grown too big because I want to deliver normally.

While waiting for my personal driver (also husband), Jan. I miss sitting at the front seat.

Anyway, I am officially on my 9th month but it already feels like I have been pregnant for 3 years. Everything hurts now. The toilet has been both my bestfriend and enemy. I get too exhausted even though I've only taken 7 steps the whole day. And I am always hungry.

I Googled Sh*t and Now We Have A...

I bled yesterday.

It wasn't periodic nor regular. It only happened once. It wasn't heavy, not even enough to soak a pad. But it was enough to freak the hell out of us. Jan drove me to the emergency room immediately and while on our way, I was frantically all over the internet in search for immediate answers. Of course, it didn't help. If anything, it freaked me out even more.

Quarantine Day 7

It has been 7 days since the last time I stepped out of our gate. I don't know what it's like to be outside anymore.

This quarantine has gotten me hungrier and lazier by the hour. Definitely not the pregnancy journey I had in mind. Two months ago, I established a regular walking routine that I planned to continue until 34 weeks. But obviously, that's not going to happen.

I also try my best to eat as healthy as possible. But when people panic buy and hoard food, choices become too limited. But I am not complaining. I am grateful that despite this global crisis, there's still food on our table. I just hope we wake up from this nightmare soon.

Second Tri Update

Hormones during first trimester pregnancy can be an absolute bitch. Not in my case though. And Jan must have been thankful for that or else he would have to endure a full-blown incomprehensible pregnant wife demands for the whole 9 months (the hormones are going to come back with vengeance next trimester for sure). Although when I asked for a ripe jackfruit out of the blue, he immediately went out looking for one and delivered as if his life depended on it. But that was it. I didn't have morning sickness, a sensitive nose, ridiculous 12-midnight cravings, nor did I find myself crying over silly things. But I was always exhausted and I seem to have misplaced my brain most of the time. Oo, laging sabaw.

My Trying to Conceive Journey (Warning: TMI)

Warning: Too much information. Skip if you're easily offended or grossed out.

TRYING, FAILING, AND TRYING EVEN MORE

When Jan and I married, we had everything planned out. Since we’re not getting any younger, we wanted to get pregnant immediately. Oh how naive we were despite being in our mid-30s.

We had sex. Lots of it. We did it every day, every other day, in different positions, name it. We followed a strict schedule. And would you believe that I even did all sorts of ridiculous acrobatics that would increase my chance of getting a positive like raising my legs and hips after love making? Yes, it's as if I haven't studied Nursing.

175 beats per minute

"Such a precious moment."

Those were Jan's exact words while he read the result for the nth time.

He's been reading this nonstop. At the hospital, inside the car, and countless times at home. :)

I Will Make an Awful Housewife (Kwentong Adobo, atbp)

"Have you had your dinner already?" Mama asked.

"Yes," Red replied.

"Was it delicious?"

"Yes! Where did you buy it?"

That would have been an insult. It certainly is my son's indirect way of saying that I cannot make something appetizing. I couldn't blame him though. For ten years he tolerated my awful concoctions. But! Being introduced to bad food early on is one of the reasons why he is not a picky eater, or so I would like to believe. Motherhood did not really put my mediocre cooking skills into practice. Give my son some green, leafy salad with bagoong (kangkong, squash leaves, or kamote, topped with tomato and onions) and he will eat it right away. So why bother with a complicated recipe?

When You Go the Extra Mile, You Make Someone Smile

I have never really figured out parenthood, especially when I'm doing it alone. As much as it flatters me every time I get a pat on the back for doing twice the parenting work without losing my sanity, what makes my heart flutter is when someone says my son, Rhett, is a well-mannered and grateful boy. I'm not exactly sure how I did that because to tell you honestly, motherhood is not all that pretty. I have those bad mom moments too.

You see, I am guilty of making my son disappointed on many occasions.

Not too fast

Sarah, we care about you and the memories you share here. We thought you'd like to look back on this post from 8 years ago.

Damn! I hope Facebook will stop "caring" because On This Day memories usually remind me of the bad decisions I made, people I'm no longer interested dealing with, and the dumb things I hope I never posted.

On the flip side, some memories are indeed worth looking back. This photo for example:

Hear Me Roar

I feel so horrible right now. I just realized that no matter how patient I can be, when it comes to my child, all hell breaks loose and I turn into a monster. I am dead serious when I say nobody messes with my kid. Nobody.

I didn't realize what I just did until somebody pointed out that I might have overreacted. Yes, I think my reaction went over the top. But it was something I could not really help. It was though I am a lioness protecting her cub from a perpetrator. And nothing could ever stop me. Fury was burning inside and I was consumed with rage. To see my child cry and cower, I completely lost it.

On Losing and Rediscovering Myself

While everybody was on a holiday break yesterday, I was out working. And while everyone is working today I'm home and reflecting. The past months have really been a blast. With all those getaways and new things that I have tried, I am seeing my old self again. Free-spirited.

It just reminded me of the last four years of my life. That time when motherhood caught me off guard and everything suddenly stopped - in both good and bad way. That time when I could just drop anything just to attend to my son's needs. That time when round-the-clock feeding started to take its toll on me as I was never getting enough sleep. And sometimes, I regretted those times that I have found myself on the brink of giving up.

Thoughts On Being a WAHM

When I'm on facebook, I don't just spend my time stalking on people's profiles and read about what they do with their lives. I join groups. Groups for mommies, bloggers, freelancers, hobbyists, online money makers and whatnot. Groups where you find healthy discussions, lessons from experiences, advises, and whatever useful tips you can get from there. Yep, these groups actually prove that facebook's existence is not just for stalkers, braggart, and/or attention seekers - just like every one of us. hahaha

While lurking on one of my most visited groups, Girltalk - a group for women, particularly moms who want to share their journey of motherhood, I came across a number of threads about full-time working moms who are in a dilemma of quitting their jobs to become full-time hands-on mom.


Not everyone is privileged to have an uber rich husband that you can just take your hands off work and focus on the kids instead. It is difficult because at times like this, when bills, milk, diaper, medical, and tuition fee prices go sky high, I can say that money does matter. You work because you want to provide. Provide not just what you can, but provide what you think is best. Right?

Upon hearing(or should I say reading) the sentiments of other moms, I have realized that I am indeed very blessed. Every day, I work an 8-hour shift, and at the same time I tend to my son's needs and prepare him for school, and during breaks or just right after work, I am still able to do a few house chores like cooking, cleaning the house, washing the dishes, and/or doing the laundry.

Everyday is too much of a juggle, I would say that. Hiring a yaya even occurred to me, but I oftentimes ditch that thought because I can still handle one very active toddler, the pressing house chores, and the light pressure from work.  The routine's pretty exhausting, really. But I'm not complaining (although sometimes, I do!). When I do, all I just think is to be thankful that I have a job that earns pretty well (at least the boyfriend doesn't have to shoulder all the expenses, plus it puts my self worth at a level), a house that I keep in order, and a family that I can take care of.

Not everyone is lucky to become a work-at-home-mom (WAHM). It's really tiring but the rewards are oh so priceless. I can just take my hands off the keyboard anytime my son asks for a kiss or a hug, who wouldn't love that? :)

Mother's Day Tribute

I have not been the most obedient child, nor have I been the sweetest or thoughtful one.  But it seems like God is still in favor of me because He has given the best mother of all time.

A lot of my friends know I did not have the best relationship with my mother. I am hard-headed, stubborn, rebellious, and a tad spoiled brat and she, on the other hand, has the eye of the tigress and the mouth of a machine gun. We do just fine lest our heads collide - it's gonna be chaos.

My mom and I are very opposite in so many ways. She's clean and organized, while I like it cluttered and messy. She likes intricacy while I'm a minimalist. She's a speaker, I'm a writer. She's straightforward, while I'm a bit reserved. She handles money well, while I -- need I say more? hahaha

But no matter how we go on different ways, one thing is for sure, there's always love. She loves me more than I could even imagine. She let's me take the last piece of burger even if her tummy's growling. She'd let me have the second pillow even if it's a hardwood that's beneath her. Yes, she gives me anything even if there's nothing more left for herself. She loves me despite the number of letdowns I gave, despite my rebellions, despite my animosity. She's still there no matter how many times I pushed her away. I love her too. But I don't think I could ever reciprocate the love she's giving me.

To tell you the truth, I've hated her so much before. But when a wee little one turned my life around, when I became a mother myself, that's when I saw right through my mother's eyes... all she did was love. She's the one who shaped, inspired, and encouraged my very being. There's more than a thousand and one reasons for me to to thank her. And I know it won't be enough. My mama is the most beautiful and best mom in the whole world.

 I don't know what I have done to deserve such beautiful, empowered, and God-given treasure. I don't even think I am worthy but I know and am very thankful that I am very blessed. I pray that God will continually bless her with good health, and shower her with more blessings as she has been a blessing not just to me, not just to my dad and sister, but to other people as well.

Not everybody is blessed to have a mother, not to mention, the greatest in the world. What more could I ever ask for?

So to you and all the doting moms out there who never cease to love and care, the day is yours, Happy Mother's Day!