The holiday season is the most awaited season. It is an exciting time full of gifts and bright Christmas lights displays that would make you wish the holidays would never end. Between shopping, vacations, and extravagant holiday meals, saving money and conserving energy would be the least of our concerns during the holidays. In fact, we really don't mind about those things at all.

Although it really feels that cash registers are the ones singing the merriest jingles this season, there are actually a lot of ways to have all the fun this holiday season without starving our pockets and putting our wallets on a diet.

How can one actually do more with less? Here are 7 surefire ways that can help you do more without having to put yourself on a spending spree.

1. Detox digitally
I know this is hard and almost close to impossible. Internet has become the means of communication and be connected everywhere. As someone who takes pride of being a multi-tasker switching from one app to another, how are you supposed to switch off digitally?

Honestly, you cant.

But you can minimize. You can lessen the usage. You can spend less time on Facebook. You can read books or have a real conversation with real people. You wouldn't die if you haven't checked your Facebook or Twitter for a day, would you? Plus, you'd also save yourself from spending unknowingly for lurking to sites like ebay, lazada, or olx. And that could also mean saving a significant amount on your electricity bills.

Did you know that the internet can zombify you?

And with the internet invading our lives turning them into pixels, I think it's about time we see the world not through our screens but through our very own eyes, so let's also...

As someone who doesn't wear make up, the most comforting words I'll ever hear from another woman are, "I don't know how to put a makeup on either."

Yes! I am still a woman after all. Haha!

The other day, I found new (still sealed) lipsticks in one of our drawers. It was from my dad and mom said it was for me. I'm not really sure how long has it been sitting in there. But I tried it on anyway. I smoothed the lipstick on like a pro, 'cause it was as easy as putting a ChapStick. Then the next thing I know, one of my buck tooth's covered with red. And I broke the lipstick.

I'm an artist. I can make bad designs look good. This should be easy.

First of all, damn I have got to think of a killer opening line for my blog post... "First of all" just doesn't cut it. But yeah, first of all, I'd like to congratulate myself for totally nailing that 299-peso ($6) dress and made it look like Marilyn Monroe's iconic flying skirt.

I have a lot to blog in mind. I would have loved to write about how the political brouhaha has blown out of proportion. But I won't. I'll leave that to the social media people who are more "active" with politics. I just want to stay away from my pa-deep thoughts for a while and write about anything shallow and mundane. It has been quite stressful lately. Something serious is the last thing I would need today.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to start a new routine that involves shutting off the alarm at 4 o'clock in the morning, exercising, and dressing up smartly. And I just realized I haven't gotten a new wardrobe for the last 2 years. I don't remember the last time I actually bought something new for myself (except for that hiking shoes) without including last Friday's mishap when I bought a white dress to wear for the Davao Bloggers Society White Party. Yikes!

I would've loved to make do what's already in my closet. But throw in my pambahays and Jan's shirt that I wear most of the nights, plus a couple more shirt I got free from my old office, and my neighbor's dog still has more clothes than I do. Yeah, that's how pathetic my closet is. If only I could fit into that white Juicy Couture doggie track suit with hoodie, then I'm good to go.

Well, I could also sport my usual outfit of the day year (shirt, jeans, and sneakers, but in white) if I want to but I got this feeling that I should wear something presentable. So I bought one cute dress and I know it's going to be a one time use only. Buti na lang mura lang sya. Lucky if I get to join another white party. (Where else can I use an all white dress anyway?) 

Now I remember how funny it was when people used to gang up on me each time I wear a dress that I get frozen with their compliments like I just won an award or something. Haha. At least, for the incoming party, dressing up will be less of a shock since I don't know anyone there except perhaps the familiar faces of the bloggers I met in 2013. I don't think they can even remember me. I haven't really joined any other events after the acquaintance party. But still, I'm pretty excited about it, although I really do not know what to expect there. Some dancing, maybe? Haha.


I have no idea.

---

First of all, I have to say I am not a political beast, and there is no way I intend this to be a political post. But sure, I have my moments.

With all these political hullabaloos, especially involving our dear Mayor Duterte, it's no surprise Davao City has also been dragged into heated and intriguing arguments. Kesyo hindi naman daw Davao ang safest city in the world. Kesyo nabubuhay sa takot sa otoridad ang mga tao dito. Kesyo kill joy si Digong pero sumusunod pa rin tayo. Kesyo para tayong creeps na sunod-sunoran at nagpapauto sa batas na nagtatanggal sa ating karapatang makapaglibang (oo na, madaming bawal dito). Kesyo ganito, ganyan, at marami pang iba.

I am sick of hearing and reading negative and wrong comments made about my hometown, Davao City. I am tired of telling people to come to Davao so we can prove them wrong. With the power of social media combined with all this political drama where everybody is "smart" and has an opinion to everything, it is inevitable that we'd be thrown sticks, stones, shit and all.

But I'm not here to come to anyone's defense or write a counterargument. There must be hundreds written about that already. And if I did, however well-thought and brilliantly it was written, none of that will really matter because those Anti-Duterte/Anti-Davao won't be bothered by that crap and will refuse to believe in that anyway. So why waste precious time refuting an argument and attack naysayers by any virtual means when it's pointless to argue with someone who only listens to what he wants to hear?

This serves as a friendly reminder from one Davaoeño to another. Let's take pride in the awesomeness that is our city without running amok, bombing ad hominem and lambasting anyone who speaks ill of Davao or our Mayor. We do not need to retaliate. Arguments that escalate to name-calling and insults to one's mental capacity do not help. We know better than that. We don't stoop down. We hold our heads up and show them our strengths and the virtues we uphold that stem from the roots of our city. Remember, we are disciplined, honest, friendly, well-mannered, and law-abiding citizens. We are Davaoeños. We lead by example.

And since this is a free country where the government seems to be coming apart at the seams and the justice system fails the society, we can't stop anyone from inflicting petty crimes of cyber attacking us. So let them haters bombard us with harsh and destructive criticisms. Let them tell us we are wrong. Let them tell us otherwise. Let them believe we're suffering from delusions of grandeur. Let them call us names.

None of that matters anyway.

Because deep within ourselves, we know who we are. And we are the goddamn lucky people to be living under the Davao sky. We are the ones reaping the benefits of a good governance. We are the ones enjoying the fruits of our taxes. We are the ones who feel safe. We are the ones who know what it's like to live in Davao City - the land of promise, a place where there is unity in diversity, where progress and peace can coexist.

I should have written this post the moment I knew this blog won a major award in Bloggys 2015. A few bloggers have published a word of thanks on the same date after bagging their awards and I could have done it too knowing I wasn't actually doing anything the night they announced the winners. But from the moment Jan broke the news to me, I fell short for words. I had to wait a day or two for the elating feeling to subside because my vocabulary became limited to "oh", "my", and "gosh", and only in that particular order.

Honestly, I do not know what to say anymore. I believe I have already said everything before - from the moment I got nominated to the time I made it to the voting stage and when I finally became one of the finalists. I never thought I'd have to write another post for this. I don't want to make it sound like I'm giving a speech in The Oscars (albeit the feeling might be pretty much the same thing), so I'll keep this short and simple. This may sound like a broken record, but I'm going to say it again anyway...THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I guess, no matter how many Thank Yous I write, it will never be enough to express how grateful I am to every single one of you reading my blog, my family and friends who never get tired of clicking the links I shamelessly feed on Facebook, and to Jan who always believes in me. You fuel my desire to write, be better, and make a difference. I know more blogs deserve your time than mine, that's why I am truly honored. Again, thank you!

Life Is So Full of Tae won Best Personal/Diary Blog in #Bloggys2015 Philippine Blogging Awards. So as promised, this is yours truly twerking it (even) better than Miley:

Finally found a way to post a "video" of me twerking without giving you nightmares. I hope you guys didn't think I won just because I said I'd do a twerking vid if I win, did you? Haha.

First of all, I really don't know what to say.

I am still waiting for my brain to fully process my thoughts and turn them into words. Because right now, my mind's clouded with emotions that the words just might not come out right [insert inaudible words, shriek, and mild and stifled sobs here]. And I also suspect ninjas have been cutting onions in front of me again.

But it's not what you think it is. No drama, I promise. Earlier today, I was in for a huge surprise because.... drumroll please...

Things don't always work the way we want it to be.

Because life was never meant to be perfect. Shit happens. There will always be those days in your life when you have been wronged or have made decisions you regret. Days when you've poured too much of your time, effort, and invested a lot of emotion on something - a relationship, a job, or anything you've committed yourself into - and yet, things don't come your way. There are days you'd feel down, disappointed, or devastated. And days when slumping into the dumps felt more comforting than anything else.

But no matter what you do, there is no way you can ever change those days that happened in your life. You can only linger for too long on the pain, and that's just about it. Pain will always be part of who we are. What defines us, however, is how to see the way things are and how we react on them. So, you can either choose to stay down in deep shit, or just look on the brighter side, stand up, and move on. Because either way, you will eventually get out, and you would certainly be not the same person anymore. So choose to be the better one.

Someday, all the things that happened in your life will be but memories. You'll forget the pain, the reason you're hurt, and who caused you those tears. You will realize that those things of the past are the ones weighing you down on your journey; that there is no way you can embrace the new life you want if you are still holding on to the baggages of the past; that the secret to attaining peace within yourself is being free. Free of grudges, bitterness, and hatred. Let go of those baggages and let a new life unfold before you.
Don't let yesterday consume all the time you have today. After all, what really matters is not how you begin your journey but how well you made it through and how you ended it. Life is beautiful. So look on the brighter side of life, forgive, and love all over again. :)

WARNING: "Adult" language, although not necessary, will be used a lot in this post.

While I was taking a dump, I just realized that my presence in the internet is becoming large that I am now running the risk of being exposed to one of its dark sides: the snide comments and personal attacks.

These keyboard warriors, or maybe trolls, could be anywhere - lurking and waiting for the moment to pounce you with their filthy language and wild insults. If you aren't smart enough, you'd fall victim to their relentless barking, take the bait and latch yourself into the perpetrator's mouth, and you become emotionally consumed before you even know it. Well, if I didn't know better I would have gladly fed them by responding to their audacity - which is often fueled by the power vested upon by their anonymity - to give meaning to their life even if it sounds pathetic. But I realized I just ran out of fucks to give.

But I won't be talking about keyboard warriors or trolls here. They've already gotten too much fucks from my previous paragraph alone. However, I'm here to talk about the fine, elegant, and noble art of not giving a fuck. Because not giving a fuck is like bacon, it makes your life better.

Damn. I simply love ideas coming from the toilet.

Why should you not give a fuck? 
You see, all our lives, we have devoted every waking hour caring far too much how to please other people, worrying if we look cool enough for them starting from the clothes we wear.

But here's the thing you must understand: no matter who you are, where you're from, or what you say or do, people will judge, criticize, or hate you. Nobody is an exception to that. Unless you're a cat because nobody gives a fuck about licking your own ass.

As emotional beings, our emotions don't really fall under our direct control. Yes, we can feel bad about it. We're not immune to that. And we shouldn't be. But we know what's happening. And as rational beings, we can react or decide whether to indulge or feed our attacker's fantasies of putting us down or not. We have a fuckin choice here.

Should you wrap yourself miserably in other people's bullshit? Or should you just freeze people out by actually not giving a fuck?

How to actually not give a fuck.
Simple. You just have to accept yourself. "Not giving a fuck" in modern English translates to, "I accept myself." You know who you are. You know what you want. The opinion of other people about you will not really matter. Because frankly, my dear, the universe doesn't give a fuck about the fuck it has given you. So why should you give a fuck?

When you give a fuck, make sure it's worth it.
Fucks are given everywhere even in situations that don't deserve it. Fandoms, for example. Tweet something bad about a celebrity, and devoted fans from the pits of Hades will be there to fight eye for an eye, then all hell breaks loose. Or ever saw someone got infuriated just because of a misspelled name on the coffee cup? Exactly. Fuck those fucks given. You see, that's how life fucks us, when we choose to give a fuck at every petty little thing we can actually just shrug off.

Be selective to what and who you give your fucks to. Give a fuck to what really matters in your life like family, friends, or a career. And if there's one most important person that you should give a fuck to, that would be yourself. So do yourself a favor and stop offending yourself and be the fuckin person you want to be and start not giving a fuck about what others think (without being an asshole, okay?). So do whatever the fuck you want with your life and just die fuckin happy.

P.S. I don't even know what P.S. means, but I don't give a fuck. Anyway, I realize the profanity of language in this post is damn too high. But as long as I made my point clear, then who gives a fuck?

When I started blogging, I was only a college student who thought life was so full of shit (although I still think it is) that I blogged about how shitty and unfair life can get after stepping on a bubble gum with your brand new shoes. Half of the time I was ranting. And half of it, I was trying to make myself look good. My voice was soft, quiet, and dampened back then. I wasn't comfortable being myself. So I wrote only of the things I wanted the people to read because I was ashamed and afraid. I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid that people I don't even know would hate me. I was afraid that they may see me less of a person by my choice of words. I was careful with anything I wrote that hitting the publish button was a challenge.

Years passed and life became shittier than it was. It became so murky that I couldn't help but type my words to let the fog out and have some sense of clarity. It was hard for me to open up. Questions began to surface when I started showing the profound and "less edited" version of me. Questions that begin with what if. It's pretty amazing how the simple and innocent words What and If - which are perfectly harmless on their own - can become really catastrophic when combined. It's like a bomb that when dropped would make me go back scampering inside my shell. What if people will judge me for this? What if they'll think I'm like this or that? What if it's not good enough? It was a war between me and my inhibitions. A struggle to survive the pangs of truth.

Truth is, blogging makes you vulnerable. And it's not easy to become wounded and let people sprinkle you with salt.

It is one way of opening yourself up to public scrutiny. You would occasionally find yourself the target of judgment, criticism, and unsolicited advice. People will begin to question your opinion, decisions, or principles. And most of the time, they can be vile, ruthless, and they show no tact. You can get bashed, flamed, ridiculed, or trolled for genuinely expressing yourself. You can be misunderstood. And unfortunately, this ordeal is inevitable.

But with this continuing struggle, I've seen the power and beauty of vulnerability in blogging. For years of posting and trying to be as genuine as I can, I didn't know that by opening myself to others, I was making a difference. It was unbelievable that having the courage to post something dismal or something most of us wouldn't dare tell anyone about can draw admiration worthy of virtual pats on the back. Mistakes I've made. Things I've done that I'm not proud of. Bad life-changing decisions. Shares of failure. And those moments I wish I've never been through. Showing the authentic self not only made me realize that I wasn't alone but it served as a bridge to reach out to others, to truly touch or inspire another. It creates a connection because you're giving away more than just the facade. You present yourself as a human, capable of being wounded, just like the others.

I have embraced vulnerability. But that doesn't mean my shame and fears have all gone away. It never will. I'd be lying if I say I am not scared. But I'd rather be vulnerable, put myself out there and be seen as a human being than dodge the blows and stand behind a mask of lies (which then defeats the purpose of a blog). If there's one thing I learned about being vulnerable is that you can be hated not for who you are but for the vision people have of you. And none of that will really matter. Being vulnerable is not always a pleasant experience but as long as I am alive and breathing then I will stay vulnerable. Because being vulnerable builds a gentle and quite breeze of freedom inside. And trust me, it can never feel so right.

So be vulnerable. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. And write like no one's reading.

Oftentimes, people see dating as eating out together at a fancy restaurant, holding hands while walking at the mall, hanging out in a coffee shop, or watching movies together. That's cute. But I think I've already outgrown these kind of dates and I don't get impressed with pretty flowers and chocolates anymore. On a second thought, the chocolates would do. Super dark, please.

Anyway. Jan and I have been going out on countless dates and we are always on the look for something that will allow us to truly know each other but... with a twist. We're looking for something beyond those movie dates and candelight dinners. Something more challenging and exciting. Something worth reminiscing and laughing about over and over again.

Here's a list of nine exciting date ideas (as illustrated in crappy pictures) that we have been doing, and I thought I might share this with you, too - which you may also this find interesting and fun to try:

1. Chase waterfalls
Jan and I have been to a lot of waterfalls. Mysteriously, the waterfalls has its way of drawing us close to nature. Its power combined with grace can give us sense of peace, inspiration, and pleasure. Should the need to relax arises, the waterfalls' mists and roaring thunder can soothe the weary nerves. And not only will it pull you close to nature but closer to each other, too.

I was never made for popularity contests. I cringe at the attention. Although I was popular on my own before. I was top of the class batch for the number of absences, lates, and incident reports made. But other than that, I am unknown to many. Never won or even joined a contest that decides the winner through voting. My charms, or lack thereof, is not enough to win a vote or two.

But sometimes the inevitable happens that I am forced to compete. So here I am, asking for two minutes of your time to vote for my blog at Bloggys 2015 - Philippine Blogging Awards. Because surprisingly, my blog has made it to the shortlist of the Philippine's most prestigious blogging awards in search of the country's finest bloggers.

Not that I'm aiming to win the "People's Choice" award here. I know my chances are way too slim to nothing. Who am I, anyway? I am barely visible in the blogosphere. A crack on the sidewalk in the avenue of stars. Yadda yadda. Yet, despite being wala lang, I don't want to be the first from the bottom either. Ayaw ko namang maging kulelat no. I'd probably melt in shame if I only get 4 votes by default (one coming from me, my boyfriend, and my mom and dad). Although I don't think I'd even know how many votes I'll get. But still. Kaya eto kakapalan ko na mukha ko.

So, if you could...

Can you say NO to this?

I haven't done so much of this, and I know need a lot of practice now. I seemed to be satisfied with a botched artwork. Ugh. But hey, my friends loved it! :)

#TheThingsIDoWhenInternetIsDown

Do you know what Dementors do aside from guarding the prisons of Azkaban? They suck light and happiness out of you. They feed on every good feeling or every happy memory until you are left with nothing but despair.

Just like everyone in the wizarding world, muggles also have dementors of their own. They come in the form of the true horrors of our past to minute daily life inconveniences such as the horrible meat and bread ratio in a sandwich you just bought.

Well, life was never meant to run on an even and straight path. It's not a bed of roses. And it isn't always going to be rainbows and butterflies (and whatever cliches you can think of). Every now and then, we experience trials, torment, tribulation, or trepidation - which is really my overstated way of saying, life sucks. Shit happens. These inconveniences, no matter how big or small they are, can completely unhinge you and ruin your mood, your day, and your attitude towards others.

Somehow, a lot of us find ourselves in that slump and choose to stop seeing the brighter side of things. I am guilty of that at some point. But what suddenly dawned on me while watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (for the nth time) earlier is that the power of positivity is overwhelming but is often underestimated. All these negativity can actually be warded off. The same way dementors can be repelled with a Patronus Charm.

You see, the Patronus Charm is a projection of all your most positive feelings. It requires more than just saying the spell, Expecto patronum! It can only be conjured when you think of a powerful happy memory. So what I'm really trying to say is, when you are becoming a living proof of Murphy's law (anything that can go wrong, will go wrong), the first step to conjure the charm, just like how Harry Potter did it for the first time, is to think of anything that makes you happy.

Bacon, for example.

Yeah, I may have made life sound so magical, but I regret to inform you there will be no unicorns, incantations, wand-waving, or pixie dusts here. The only magical thing about this is that the seemingly insignificant things have the greatest powers to completely turn that frown upside down on an otherwise bad day. I am a believer of little things. I believe in counting your blessings no matter how small it is.

Recognizing those life's tiny miracles isn't really that hard. It's in the kindness of people you've never met before. It's the stranger that opened the door for you. It's the joke you overheard somewhere that made you laugh. It's your dog that's so happy to see you when you get home from work. It's the food on your plate. It's the clothes you wear. Or the shelter in the rain. It's your friends and family that never left your side. It's the air you breathe. It's being alive. It's simply just being thankful for all those things that often go unnoticed. And when you fill your heart with gratitude, there will be no room for discontentment. There will be no room for dementors.

My life isn't exactly how I expected it to be. I have my own struggles and horrors you never thought I've been through. But I also have wonderful friends, a smart kid, an amazing boyfriend, supportive family, a sound mind, and a healthy body.

As cliche as it may sound, whatever it is that you experience, however big or small or nasty it is, things do get better eventually. There will always be a reason to be thankful. So choose to be thankful. Keep calm and just Expecto patronum!

I went 3 days without the internet. Not that I did it on purpose. It's the crap PLDT, that is (wow pldt is getting a lot of attention from my blog lately).

I just saw myself reacting poorly to the situation by getting agitated by, excuse my word, inutile customer service representatives who cannot help solve internet problems brought about by my ISP's poor quality service.

But then I realized I may have lost my internet connection, but I gained something. TIME. A lot of it. I gained a few extra hours a day. Not to mention, I've added a few more hours of sleep which internet has robbed me off since forever. But that doesn't mean I won't lash out for the frustration of not having a decent internet connection. I didn't pay hard-earned money for crap. (Yes, I'll get back at you, PLDT.)

So for three days without the internet, I was far more productive. I finished my tasks gracefully ahead of time and I've got spare time for a hobby or two. I felt good about myself. And even better to have miraculously survived three days without internet. Yay! So aside from exercising, breathing fresh air, and catching a glimpse of the sunshine... for the past three days:

1.  I drew something.  If it wasn't for Facebook, I wouldn't realize adult coloring books are a trend. They said it's a good way to relax and de-stress. Pero mas lalo ata akong nastress sa presyo ng isang coloring book. So I figured I just have to make do of whatever I have: a pen and paper.
I decided to draw something that I can color later. But then I realized I'm pretty bad at coloring. There are too many lines and it stresses me out. Plus, I couldn't even follow one simple rule: to stay within the lines. Pfft! So I just let it stay that way.

This is an old, old idea.

Unoriginal.

But I cannot think of a better way to fuse my love for writing and drawing than to create blog posts devoted to both. Hence, the GuLat Project. Gulat is a Filipino word that means shock or surprise. But I've also coined this from two words, Guhit (draw) and Sulat (write) - which are apparently the things that I absolutely love to do.

As you can see, I've been including doodles in my entries lately and this is what I plan to do on my succeeding posts. I got this idea from Doodlemum - a blog that I've been following for a long time. What separates her art from mine is that her doodles are waaaaaay amazing while mine are just mere stick figures you wouldn't have to second guess if they were drawn by a five-year-old. But, oh well.

Some days my hands are as stubborn as my head that they refuse to draw what I tell them to. Some days I invite myself into a self-hosted pity party themed "I suck and can't do anything good." Some days I allow myself to hear voices telling me "You will never be a good artist, Sarah!" Voices that I just made up. But nothing stopped Barnett Newman from selling Onement VI for 43 million dollars and I'm absolutely sure my stick figures are way better than that, so maybe I can sell one for 10 million dollars. And some days I am delusional.

From this point on, I'll be spending a minute or two slaving over a doodle that may or may not be relevant to each post I write. I think two minutes should be enough because more than that already defeats the purpose of fun (and I've an excuse for this crap). Plus it saves more time I can watch a cat video or two instead of looking for images at Unsplash, StockSnap or Gratisography just in case I don't have awesome pictures of my own to post. Yes, that is where I get my free stock photos. You're welcome.

I should have done this a long time ago. Jan has been encouraging me to do this before. But it took a little while and a little push to get my hands doodling just for the heck of it without seeking any body's approval or worrying about what others will say.
Well, not everything I draw has to be the best and be liked by everybody. But it sure does pay when I do things just for the sake of having fun. :)

I never really wanted to be a writer. Not that I consider myself to be one. As a matter of fact, I didn't like my English classes back in high school and college. I have even failed English (literature) once. My lack of interest in the English Language and Literature, however, unexpectedly warranted me to end up writing stuff for a living.

Well, that's what I did a long time ago and I tried to do the same thing recently. I was under the impression that I can make writing pay the bills again. Before I glued my butt to the swivel chair to write a 1000-word essay, I was so pumped up by the mere fact that I really do love writing. I can write more than a thousand word blog post in an hour or so.

This should be easy.

I've never heard of Bloggys until quite recently when I received an email notifying me being a nominee of Bloggys 2015 - the Philippine's premiere blogging event.

I have always been fascinated with people - guys for that matter - who play guitar. And I've always wanted to be the one who can play the guitar. I wanted to be a badass guitarist. You know. The one who plays with the band that lives and breathes beautiful music. That chic worshipped by rocker boys who got blown away by her jaw-dropping solo.

Back when guitarists were labeled "cool" and the one who'd always get the attention (and by guitarist, I mean anyone who can carry a tune with the instrument), I was pretty excited when one of my friends in high school taught me how to play the guitar. I grabbed the neck, laid it close to my chest, hugged the body, and made love with it. It was a beautiful moment. I told myself I'm going to be a budding female version of Slash sans the top hat. (I only know Slash because of Sweet Child O' Mine. Other than that... No, I won't pretend that I really know him. But yes, I wanted to have mad skills like Slash.)

I don't have a job right now. And maybe a lot of you are wondering how the f*ck was I able to survive three months of paying bills and tuition fees, splurging on unneccessary stuff, and gallivanting without having a stable and full-time job. I do have a few Mobile App design jobs however, and I depended so much on my savings to sustain every whim (wrong move, I know). But just when August ended, I realized that I am running out of funds. Really.

After revamping my blog with this awesome free theme from ThemeXpose that I absolutely love, I decided to remove the archive list widget for good in hopes of decluttering my sidebar. However, I still want to offer you, my dear readers, an easy way to backtrack and dig my old posts just in case you want to read about how I sucked at handling life, or just for the heck of hate-reading me, or simply, just because you want to get to know me more (aaaawww ♥). So I decided to go for an archives page instead.

Do blog archives matter?
Yes, they do. As a matter of fact, they are essential, not only that it gives your blog depth and credibility but it also cultivates loyalty to your readers as well. How? Having an Archives increases the amount of time your visitors spend on your site - giving them a chance of knowing you more which will eventually lead to keeping them engaged and loyal to your blog. Don't just let your old blog posts sit in the dark and gather dusts. :)

For months, I've been using this code from jhwilson's Create a Blogger Archive Page. Here's how it looked like:

There is something about waterfalls that draws me to it. Perhaps it's the sound the raging waters create as water drops from above, releasing "feel good" mists when you're close to it. Or simply because waterfalls - no matter how small or big they are - are powerful, majestic, and beautiful. I have the same reaction to the sea as well - the sound of the waves resonates positive vibes. Nature indeed has wonderful ways of removing negative energies from within. And this is why despite the conveniences and comforts the city life brings, my body will always seek refuge in communing with nature no matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable it can become.
This is the beautiful Aliwagwag Falls, located in Cateel, Davao Oriental. Deemed as the highest waterfalls in the Philippines, this photo has not even shown its full glory. I took this photo right after I had a little accident. I was walking up the bridge to get a better view and angle. I was so mesmerized by the cascading beauty that without a warning my foot slipped into a water drainage and I fell over. I got up immediately, took this shot like nothing happened before I realized I was bleeding. That small mishap left me with a nasty scraped shin about four inches big - not as big as the memories I have of this place though. Charaught! Haha. But really, I ought to be extra careful next time.

Kadayawan Festival was a blast. And I'm sure of that even though I wasn't actually there to witness it. I grew up celebrating Kadayawan Festival in Davao City and it has always been great. Not that I'm not proud of it, but for a change, Jan and I decided to escape the crowd and took a 5-hour ride to Mati, Davao Oriental instead.

After all the stress from work last week, I believe we deserve this much needed break. Well, what can I say? I think I left my heart in Mati - home of the famous Dahican Beach. It is by far the best beach I've ever been. I love how it remains underdeveloped, unspoiled, and untamed. And despite the number of tourists, skimboarders and surfers around, there was a sense of tranquility.

I couldn't count the number of times I've told Jan how the beach took my breath away. The turquoise waters, white sand, the big and playful waves, plus the sunny weather just made everything perfect. When we decided (out of impulse) to go to Mati, I didn't know we were in for a treat!

Finally, Sunday! The week has been pretty exhausting. I never thought that running a food business can be draining, especially for us who have no experience, training, or whatsoever on this.

Just to give you a little background, my friends and I started this food business that will run for the whole duration of Hudyakaan sa Kadayawan starting August 14 until August 23. I thought we've had a good start-up plan. Menu, costing, staff, and equipment were all planned out well but when put into the actual situation of serving beer and pulutan to an overwhelming number of customers, everything seemed to whirl in eddies that I was left stupefied and, not to mention, clumsy. But I'm glad we made it through our first night without losing money and sanity; although I can say it was kind of a disaster. Haha.

Popong Landero in the house!

Last week, a friend asked me to create a vector art of our dear Mayor Rody Duterte to support her advocacy in encouraging him to run for Presidency. Okay, I'll be honest with you. I really don't like the idea of him running for President. You see, I, for one, love him so much that we don't want anything bad for our dear Mayor.

I have had six heart attacks. Pag presidente ako, I have to deal with Bangsamoro and may China pa. Mamatay ako. But if I can get Joma Sison, Nur Misuari, the Bangsamoro to agree, then I will run but they must drop their arms first. It will be an all inclusive government,"  -Duterte (source)

See? It would not be an easy task.

But if there is no other person who could go on par with his level of competency for the highest position in the government, then I'd definitely get myself registered again and vote for him as our leader (that is, if he runs).

I just hope Philippines is ready for his leadership. I hope the Filipinos know what they're getting into when asking for the iron fist to rule the nation - because that entails a lot of discipline. There is no way he can do this alone. If you want change, it will have to start with you.

Anyway, I did not create a vector art. I'm too preoccupied these days. I've got a logo to create for our business, a new design job for an app, and a lot more. Hence, I created a WPAP thinking it will just be easy. But I was so wrong. It took me a week to complete this. I've had a lot of stops in between and there were those times when I think of quitting because I really have no idea what direction I'm aiming for. Haha.

Here's for my very first WPAP: (I know I still have a lot to work on, like color harmony and stuff. But I think it's not that bad, is it?)

I'm posting this because I'm so damn proud of this man and so damn proud of myself. I missed doing vectors and it has been more than 3 years since the last time I did this. I am amazing! And I am the best! Okay, this is my blog and I can say whatever I want! Haha. Kidding aside, I think I'll soon be scanning all the doodles I did and turn them digital. That is, if I don't get lazy. Hehe. :)
Vector art is one of the forms of art that I love doing. I am inspired and I've got time to spare. Who knows? I might do one for a random person, a friend, or a blogger for free. *wink*

It's August. Cheeses, where did time go?!

I have made it more than halfway through 2015 and thought it would be good to see how I'm doing. I know it's still early to say this but so far 2015 turned out quite well. Although turning 30 this year didn't seem to have a really big impact in my life like how I expected it should be. Perhaps I am still having a hard time realizing that I've lived three decades already because deep inside, I still feel like I'm in my early twenties or maybe even younger. But of course, for 30 years, I've seen how life can sometimes be sneaky in delivering valuable lessons right in front of me. And there were those times that I just wish I had known them sooner in life. Just like...

1. Being yourself doesn't mean you don't have to change. Simply put, just stop being a half-assed version of yourself and aim for a better you. Yes, it is true that you have to "be yourself", but don't use it as an excuse to stop working on improving yourself.

2. It's okay to say No. Just because you don't want to come off as rude, insulting, or in any way, you don't want to offend or raise a conflict doesn't mean you're obligated to say Yes to the things you'd rather turn down. If it doesn't enrich your life in one way or another, then learn the art of saying no politely.

3. Being selfish is not a bad thing. And sometimes it is even essential. You need to respect yourself too by acknowledging your own needs. If you don't, you run the risk of completely becoming stressed and burnt out that will eventually lead you to suffer the ill-effects of living a life of misery. Come on, be nice to yourself. Book for a vacation that you deserve.

4. No one is too smart or too tough for love.

5. You don't live to please everybody. Go ahead and try - and watch yourself fail miserably. Some people will hate you just because. And it's not worth wasting your time trying to please people who don't even give an eff about you. You will realize you are happier the moment you start not giving a f*ck about what others think.

6. Life is too short for reality tv shows, bad movies, social media, crappy jobs, and shitty people.

7. You don't have to be absolutely too forgiving. People always tell you to simply let go of the past and release all the negativity. Just forgive and forget, they say. But in reality and sadly, life doesn't work that way. Regardless of what the society and religion tell you about forgiveness, there are those times when you just have to take a stand against the kind of behavior you won't tolerate. And not forgiving easily is as good as sending a message that it's not okay to be treated that way. Don't be pressured to forgive just because you think it's the right thing to do. Give yourself a time not to forgive... until you're ready and when the time is right.

8. It's worth reading the instruction manuals, terms and conditions, and the fine print. It can save your ass, your money, and your life.

9. Sunblock is essential.

10. You will never know when you are "grown up". As I have mentioned earlier, I thought I would feel different when I become an adult. But the fact is, I still feel pretty much the same way I was ten years ago. I am still that same girl with eyes that sparkle at the sight of a Nerds candy. Adults miss life just because they're adults. Fun becomes underrated. Come on, it's okay to be silly and do something crazy sometimes. Sometimes it serves well not to think as an adult, it keeps life simple.

Perhaps, it's an "adult" thing when you contemplate about your life. Or simply because I don't have internet right now. Hence, this post. Either way, I can say life has so much to learn. And what makes it powerful is that you'll never know when you'll learn it and you will always learn it the hard way.

Sun, sand, and the sea. What else can make me more excited?

Virgin Island. Where the water meets the heavens.

Dolphins.

Yes, dolphins.

I've always wanted to go swimming with the dolphins *points at the bucket list at the bottom right side of this blog*. No, I haven't swam with one. Not yet. But dolphin watching is the closest it can get. :)

I suppose this would be the highlight of our Cebu-Bohol trip. I've already missed taking The Plunge at Danao Adventure Park because the weather wasn't really in our favor. I can't miss seeing the dolphins this time even though that would mean waking up at 5 o'clock in the morning.

From Alona Beach in Panglao, we hired a boat exclusively for Php 1,300 to take us to where the dolphins are, and to Balicasag and Virgin islands as well.  Boats are just everywhere around the shores of Panglao. Rental charges usually range from Php 1,500 - 2,000, but you can always go lower depending on your haggling skills and charms. Smiling can do a lot of wonders. *wink*

Okay, I admit it. This is the first time I have traveled again by plane after so many years. And I'm glad to have experienced it with Jan. We've been going around Mindanao lately, and I think it's about time we put our travels a notch up. I believe we needed this getaway. It's the only time we have until we grind our heads back to work again.

We decided to go backpacking to Bohol via Cebu since both of us have never been there. We weren't able to visit all tourist spots in Bohol though as the weather made sure of that. But we made sure that we get to see the famous Chocolate Hills and the tarsiers.
The Chocolate Hills are amazing in actual than just seeing them in pictures. Actually, I didn't expect a lot from it, but we were awed of its splendor and beauty.

Look what came into the mail today! Meet my new slaves of creative expression. After hoarding almost all ball point sizes of Uni Pin pigment ink pens, and now this, I don't want to think things are just starting to get out of hand. Who can resist them, Sharpies?

I am addicted. But I'm not on crack. If I am, then I would say the office supply stores are my drug dealer. I don't know what's with these bookstores and office depots that they always render me powerless. They are evil and I'm vulnerable. There's a force that drags me right into it, put me on a trance as I pass from one aisle to another, and I never leave without clutching a thing or two.

There are artists here in the Philippines that I really admire (and envy) for their first-rate art skills. To name some would be: 1.) the creative dork, Aseo. He is undeniably, one of the greatest illustrators/digital artists to date; and, 2.) Kerby, one of the most talented sketch masters I've ever known.

I've been following these artists since time immemorial and even created some artworks inspired by them. I've done vectors and vexels before. And I know it would take years of practice before I get on par with Aseo. But at least, I tried. :)

Anyway, today (actually, not just today), Kerby inspired me to doodle. I saw his DIY Pen holder and thought I'd make one too.

I feel a little creative. Hence,

Jan came over yesterday because it's my nephew's first birthday. We decided to watch a movie after stuffing our tummies with the yummies. I wanted to watch something light, so he recommended Easy A. I thought it was just another sloppy teen comedy but the nonstop wisecracks kept me absorbed that even my chick-flick-hating self absolutely loved it. And yes, not only because it is Emma Stone, but it is funny and smart as well.

Just so you know, I am not really into movies. I'm not the type who likes to just sit still and watch passively. So if you're one of my friends who's been to the movies with me, then perhaps you're one of those who got annoyed with my incessant blabbing of movie flaws, logic, and inconsistencies because unfortunately I have the ability not to ignore small things that don't make sense. No wonder I get constantly told, "pagtan-aw na lang gud dira!" (Shut up and just watch the goddamn movie!)

I don't remember a movie recommended by Jan that I didn't love (Schindler's List and Shawshank Redemption to name some). Now I wonder how many good movies have I actually missed since Forrest Gump? Not that I haven't watched anything, okay? But I can count with the fingers of my one hand how many movies I have watched in the last two years. I couldn't even name 95% of the actors and actresses on the big screen. I didn't know Paul Walker until his untimely death. Send me a picture of Channing Tatum and I wouldn't recognize him unless I am told. And no, this is definitely not me getting old.

So what is it with movies that they get shrugged off more often? I wouldn't say I have a short attention span because I can sit through Burn Notice, Band of Brothers, Suits, Breaking Bad, Dexter, and/or Futurama marathon whole day. I can watch documentaries all afternoon. I can read a 500-page novel all the way through in one sitting. I can make time if I want to but I don't.

Perhaps the dawn of cgis and stunning visual effects became the embodiment of a great movie that movie tickets can sell like hotcakes even with no real plot in them made me lose my interest with movies. And yes, I may have tried to slash my veins with my teeth the first time I watched Twilight. I don't know why I even bothered to. Good thing I was able to push the stop button before I stab my eyes out. It was simply depressing. Never again. Note to self: Don't get bothered with the hype.

Popcorn, anyone?

What I'm trying to say is, most movies nowadays lack depth and substance, and character development is almost absent. Despite that, such movies are unbelievably deemed box-office hits. Oh man, I couldn't afford to shell out 150 pesos for a piece of crap, and I know I can never take 2 hours of my life back. But before I start sounding like an a-hole movie critic wannabe and bash movies that I didn't even bother to watch or at least finish watching, I just want to give props to movies that always put the story first (Hayao Miyazaki's and Pixar Animations for example with the exception of Cars 2). I also like movies that are deep, thought-provoking, moving, and inspiring. And such are hard to come by. I think the last movie that has blown my mind was Interstellar and I hope they make more movies like that.

Maybe I still like watching movies. I just don't get excited about them anymore that I can just shrug it off and forget about it (even the anticipated ones. Insurgent, for example). I hardly ever go to cinemas. I mean, Jan and I passed by movie theaters a lot of times, but I just couldn't find one thing that I would like to watch. But just because I barely watch movies doesn't mean I'm completely shutting my doors from it. I know there are still few good movies out there. Perhaps I'll just stay away from Oscar bait crap and stick to the indies or classic instead. The same goes to watching televisions. I'm happy to say that I've got zero TV shows for the past weeks or perhaps it has been months. Yes. But I'm not missing tonight's episode of Gandang Gabi Vice with our very own Mayor Duterte as a guest. This should be good. And I can't wait. :)

I've finally set up my work station. My sacred space. It is still a work in progress though as I plan on putting a cork board and a clock on the wall. And until I don't have a big monitor and a very comfy chair, then I cannot say I'm all set. But for now, I can say my work space is absolutely my favorite place in the house.

Remember how my desk looked before? Well, my blog does. And that was already the tidiest it can get. Thought I'd show you this new sacred sanctuary while it is still in its immaculate form. I know myself well, and I don't think this clean desk will last a week. But I will try to keep things neat every now and then. That's a promise.

I spent a couple of days deciding how my work space should look. I wanted something that's welcoming, visually attractive, and relaxing. It took me a while to decide on the theme. At first I wanted something cute because, well, cute. How can I argue with cute? But cute comes with light and many colors, and I find it too flashy and distracting.

So I have fine-combed almost every novelty and thrift shops here in Davao, and found a few things that I think would be perfect for my desk - and at a cheaper price too. So here's how my desk looks now:

I cannot emphasize enough how grateful I am to have a "talent" or at least I say, a knack for art. I have been quite isolated lately. The drastic change of priorities and my responsibilities left me with no choice but to stay home. Believe me, being withdrawn for weeks from the society made me feel burnt out, stressed, and down. When writing just doesn't cut it, becoming creative with pen and paper is all the therapy I need. :)

My first attempt to do zentangles. :)

I am 30 today. And since I've already given myself a treat on the last few hours of the decade that has been my twenties, I decided to stay home, sit in silence and savor the moment being in complete solitude.

If there's one thing I've given myself valuable for my birthday, it is this solitude. Yes, I am used to being alone. But those moments were never profound. I never had this chance of having a complete possession of my own thoughts, my feelings, my senses, and my soul.

With everyone at work and at school, for a few hours, I got to enjoy the quiet of our home only broken by the sound of mufflers outside but were eventually drowned by my thoughts of being reprieved of mommy, daughter, girlfriend, and employee duties. I unplugged from all the myriad distractions of my daily life. I left my phone unattended, hidden my birth date on Facebook, disabled my wall, and muted all notifications on all my messaging apps. I went outside and just let the breeze gently kiss my cheeks, took a deep breath, and I never felt so free. For some, there is definitely something missing in the whole equation when spending time alone on your birthday. But for me, it was a perfect moment to find comfort in the company that matters most - the company with myself.
 am really grateful for this time alone. Even if it's short-lived. It distanced me from the voices of the world so I can hear my own. It cleared my cluttered mind. And it helped me get in touch with myself. Finally at 30, I figured out what I really want in life. I hope to never stop learning, never stop believing, and never stop loving. Each day is indeed a gift from God. And this time, I will make sure that with gratitude, I will tear off the wrapping paper and enjoy what's inside it.

Happy 30th, Self! :)

The road going there isn't easy. There's not even a road to begin with. Of all my travel adventures, riding a habal-habal is the very least of the things I enjoyed. Heck, I never really liked it at all. I just have a high tolerance for heat, dusts, and leg cramps. And that was it. But believe me when I say I enjoyed this ride. This rough and rocky ride.

I'm running out of space and I still think I need more books.

Yep, that's the problem. I don't think there's such thing as having enough shelves. Haha. That and bumping into a post or a wall while walking and reading are just few of the many problems a bookworm encounters. Allow me to share with you 15 more. And please, don't take it lightly because the struggle is real.

Yesterday, Jan and I watched Schindler's List. It reminded me of my obsession with the Nazis which started back when I saw one of my classmates in Fifth grade drew a swastika symbol (actually it was doodled all over his notebook). I asked him what it was and he started telling me with great enthusiasm about Hitler, the killing of the Jews, and how great of a leader he was. I was fascinated. In fact, too fascinated that I came to the point of always putting a swastika symbol next to my name. Excuse the ignorance, at that very young age, we really did not know what we were so fascinated about. And we had no idea about the darkest days that ever happened in human history. All we knew back then was that it looked cool bearing that swastika.

Since then, I've shown interest about the Nazi - from the documentaries, to books, to everything about Hitler. I've read Mein Kampf, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, a few other books with titles that I could no longer recall, and some fiction/non-fics that I have on my shelf that have eventually opened my eyes and led me to disgust Hitler and his mustache. And it's such a shame that I've been claiming to be obsessed with such yet I haven't watched Schindler's List until yesterday. I'm more devoted in books than on movies though. Well, what can I say? Schindler's List is one of the most powerful films I've ever seen. Even more powerful than the neo-Nazi setting film, American History X.

Some of the most compelling Nazi/Holocaust books that I have.

I am still fascinated with anything related to the Nazi regime. But my interest is fueled not on the ideologies of Hitler and the monstrosities brought about by his equally evil followers. The Nazis embody nothing but pure evil. Everything under the regime is downright despicable. And I don't want to think I'm exaggerating. However, I admit that at a certain level, I have admired Hitler's reign. I do give credit how great Hitler was. I mean, I think it's worth understanding how humans fell under the influence of one person who motivated a nation to such an ideological level, isn't it? It is undeniably amazing. Really.

Whenever something big or a drastic change happens in your life, you end up explaining a thousand times what the eff just happened and why. Case in point, the day I said goodbye to my normal/regular (or however you call it) office day job.

I love how my close friends eagerly asked for details about what I am going through, the changes - be it negative or positive - in my life, how am I coping, and what my plans are. I am happy to know that people care. And I apologize if I'm not too keen on details. It's not that I don't have the guts to tell you about the crap I went through, it's just that I'm too lazy to lay it all down (again and again and again). I am totally fine, I promise.

Okay, that's a lie. Truth is, I never expected I'd go through a phase of separation anxiety that I found myself binge-eating on Snickers and pathetically watching videos of funny animals. And funny babies. And Spongebob Squarepants. I tried to read a book and catch up with the tv series I've been missing. Apparently, nothing works. I still feel a little bit down.

Anticipation is creeping in. 2 hours. 2 hours more and everything will be shut down, signed out, and perhaps forgotten. My desk  that used to be a home of a cutesy pup plushie, scratch papers, post-its, and candy wrappers now screams emptiness. This room, once a nest of brilliant people fueled by passion, is now an empty space only filled with the deafening chorus of the air condition and our keyboard strokes.

Nothing is going to be certain from here. But there's one thing that I am sure of, I will miss the people who showed me support and encouragement at times of pressure and failure which ultimately led me to discover my inner strength and true capabilities. My colleagues, workadas, friends, or however I call them, have become and will always be a family to me.

This has been an incredible journey. But in a few hours this journey will come to an end. I will never forget our escapades, our dirty and silly talks, our boisterous laughter, the times we fought over a piece of food (haha patay gutom lang?), and the kind of unswerving friendship you don't always see in any kind of work place. Hey, this isn't goodbye, after all. We'll still see each other over videoke or a bottle of beer, okay? I am just a text away. Alright?

Thank you for everything! Thank you for showing me what's it like to be one with the best. See you, peeps! :-)

#Samasama #WalangIwanan #WalangLaglagan #Bidyoke

I feel so horrible right now. I just realized that no matter how patient I can be, when it comes to my child, all hell breaks loose and I turn into a monster. I am dead serious when I say nobody messes with my kid. Nobody.

I didn't realize what I just did until somebody pointed out that I might have overreacted. Yes, I think my reaction went over the top. But it was something I could not really help. It was though I am a lioness protecting her cub from a perpetrator. And nothing could ever stop me. Fury was burning inside and I was consumed with rage. To see my child cry and cower, I completely lost it.

What happened today, was just a tiny, minute part of this very big and cruel world. And it got me to thinking, how far can I actually go to protect my child? I'd say I would go great lengths. Farther than I can imagine. If, in any case, someone did really hurt my kid? I would make hell seem like a happy place. And it scares me to think what I can actually do.

I would never have imagined my hands getting dirty. But I would if I have to. Because, yes, I am a mother. The same woman who couldn't bear to watch a chicken getting slaughtered. But when cornered, I turn into a lioness, bare my claws and not hesitate to strike.

I was there.

Today, I got to take part in Color Manila Run. This isn't the first time I have joined a Color Run, but this is definitely the most awesome Color Run I have ever joined to date. Although admittingly, I've only joined two color runs my entire life. Hehe.

Color Manila has been known for always pulling off the biggest, most colorful, and most awesome color fun runs across the Philippines. They indeed know how to put the "fun" in Fun Run. And to make it more awesome, Color Manila has teamed up with Brother Philippines to which the event highlights Brother's New Refill Tank System.

Hello Sarah,

I'm sorry to interrupt the Chip War, I know things are getting pretty intense right there but this is something you need to know asap. Besides, the Accretians are probably going to win again anyway. So I hope you don't mind if I ask you take a back seat from RF Online for awhile and listen to what I am going say.

Do you recognize me? Probably not with the curly hair I'm sporting on. I've added an extra weight too. Well, just a little bit. Before you freak out and accuse me being a stalker, relax. It's just me, your future self. I'm writing this while I am taking a break at the office as I enjoy the beautiful view of the sea on my right. Yes, you've read that right. I'm working in an office doing stuff that has something to do with pixels and points, HTML5/CSS3, UI/UX, iOS and Android - things you apparently don't understand right now. You might be confused, but soon you'll find out why and how I ended up here.

"All you need is love... love is all you need..."

I'm sorry to burst your bubble Mr. John Lennon, but I have to disagree with you on this. Love is not all you need. Love is not enough. Yep, I say that loud and clear.

When it comes to relationships, many of us overrate and oftentimes overestimate love. We rely too much on love that we'd think it is the answer to our struggles, the ultimate solution to our relationship goals, the one that conquers all. And while we believe and idealize this thought, little do we know that it is our relationships that pay the price. I believe in not relying our relationships on feelings of love alone because it might be too late to find ourselves drowning in a deep pile of shit when a problem occurs that love cannot solve. Trust me, I've been there and it was not pretty.

I once loved a boy who made me frown, made me mad, and made me cry more than he made me smile. He was far from everything I have ever dreamed of in a man but I loved every bit about him. And it was all that mattered to me. I fought for him because I thought it was worth fighting - taking the risk of breaking the relationship with my family. I was young and in love, so I dove into our relationship, head first.

But as time went by, going on and on in a cycle of being hurt, by hurt I mean, being disrespected, got taken for granted, and becoming his last option, made me realize that it wasn't worth the fight. I was unhappy. And the crazy thing is, it kept going on for years because I believed in our love. I loved him and I knew he loved me too despite how many times I have failed him too. We made it seem that our weekly, or worse, daily meaningless dramas and fights did not matter because there was love. It was all that mattered. After all, love conquers all, right?

Fast forward to more years and the cycle was already too much for me to bear that I came to a point that I got fed up and I feigned not to care until there was nothing left to care for. I loved him, but one day I just woke up and realized I couldn't do it anymore. After twelve long years, I let go of his hand. Just like that. It looks easy but it wasn't. Really. It was scary. I was terrified. I cried so much until my eyes could no longer shed a drop of tear. I left, moved on, and never looked back. I wasn't proud of what I did. But I knew right then and there, it was something that I will not ever regret.

Twelve years. Can you imagine that? Nobody will ever think anything can still trample that relationship. We loved each other. We almost tied the knot, but still, we lost everything. Where did we go wrong?

Love. Truth is, love went wrong. Love is so powerful it can blind you from seeing the other blocks that build a strong relationship such as respect, communication, and commitment (let me break this down into two: quality time and prioritization) - the seemingly very little things we lacked, or ignored, in our relationship. You see, when there is love, and there is just love alone, we tend to fail to exercise the other critical things in building a sturdy and healthy relationship. These are like a mortar that holds the bricks together. That's why even though we felt each other heart to heart, it is no surprise the relationship crumbled to its demise.

You see, love alone is definitely not enough. It takes a hell lot more than love to build a relationship that's worth keeping for a lifetime. It requires more than just that chemical reaction from your brain that triggers an intense romantic emotion to build a healthy relationship. It entails self and mutual respect, constant and open communication, and an uninhibited commitment.  I figured this one out the hard way after a terrible breakup. But this break up allowed me to unfold a new chapter of my life and have the way things were meant to be. It gave me the opportunity to grow and be a better person. It helped me learn and see the reality, bitter, and ugly truth about love.

Love is both a boon and a bane. It can be healthy and unhealthy. It is both beautiful and ugly. But it is a wonderful experience. And it is something that I would love to do, feel, and enjoy over and over and over again. Love is great. Love makes life beautiful. Love is important. We need love. But love is not all we need.

For the past days, I've been meaning to write something but the words won't spill.

Have you ever had those times when you know you've got something to write but your fingers fumble, your brain freezes, and you stop even before you start?

This is one of those times. And this has been a cycle ever since I discovered my love for writing.

I am not a professional writer nor do I dream of making it big to the publishing world. I am far from becoming a novelist or a poet and neither do I strive to be like Hemingway or Shakespeare (or perhaps I should consider this one because my write-ups are tragic... because it sucks). In fact, I don't have the balls to call myself a writer. But for someone who is not vocally expressive, there is comfort in expressing what goes on inside of the mind and turn them beautifully or tragically into words, isn't there? This is why it agonizes me so much whenever I stare at the blank screen and it stays blank for a long time.