My Trafalgar Law hoodie arrived a few days ago. It reminded of the first time I had laid my eyes on this badass tattooed doctor with a goatee *gasps*. It was law at first sight. 

I have also been binge-watching and catching up with One Piece lately and I remember the fun times I had with Jan at the Tokyo One Piece Tower three years ago. I feel so bad I wasn't able to blog about it, especially when the only One Piece theme park in the world already closed its doors for good last July 31, 2020 (eff you, corona). 

March 23, 2019.

I thought I would have a long, uninterrupted sleep last night because for the first time in almost two years, I let our toddler sleep with my mom. 

But that much needed rest never happened. I was so uncomfortable with this belly that could pop anytime, the perpetual back pain, the need to pee every fifteen minutes, and the unbearable heat.

But unlike Eve, the devil had nothing to do with it.

I swear. Jan and I never ever thought that one day we would be called landlords. 

We think it's a title only given to the asset rich, cash rich. Since we are neither, becoming a landlord has never really sunk in even though it has been seven months since we had our first and brand new house rented out.

Don't get it wrong. Unlike true landlords, we do not earn from it. The rent goes straight to the housing loan that we will be paying for at least two decades. But since it is highly unlikely for us to live there for now, the renters will be paying the mortgage for us.

Good move, 'di ba?

May 2021. This was last time we visited this place to check that everything is ready for the new occupant. I kind of miss this house, honestly.

Women my age don't get knocked up easily. Or so I thought. It takes a lot longer to get pregnant again. Or so I was told. So we made love unprotected. And surprise, surprise! It only took less than two months to miss a period. While the news was one of the best we received, it honestly got us a little bit alarmed than excited.

Oh shit, are we ready for this? 

2021 took so many twists and turns. But despite the grey skies that have been looming since 2020 that honestly seems like a hundred years ago, there have been those little ray of lights that seeped through from time to time. And as this year comes to a close, I would like to express my gratitude to all the people and the small wins that helped me get where I currently am: happy and contented.

I am and will always grateful for having a loving family (including my in-laws), my maka-ugtas but adorable sons (plus our baby girl on the way), supportive friends, and the selfless frontliners among others. But for this post, I am giving the spotlight to the husband, Jan.

I know, I know. If I write about him one more time, makasuka na. But I cannot help it. Taking care of a toddler while pregnant, losing my passion, unable to travel and destress, and having no job to keep me preoccupied during this pandemic would make me lose my shit. But I didn't. And that's mostly because of him.

So here are 21 reasons why I am grateful to the husband who makes my life happier, easier, and sweeter:

1. He chose me. He always chooses me first. And I know he would choose me over anything or anyone over and over again.

2. He makes situations a little harder on himself in hopes that it makes them easier for me. Like how he gets up in the middle of the night to put our baby back to sleep and drags himself to work the next day. Or how he does the laundry, washes the dishes, or cleans the house just so I can rest (and without complaints at that).

3. He is so protective of our family. I mean, not just physically. I feel secured and sheltered from verbal attacks, criticisms, and judgment from other people, should there be any. He's the type who would avoid conflicts at any cost but I have seen him bravely speak up when the situation calls for it.

4. He patiently puts up with things that I like that do not interest him. Books I have read, Harry Potter, football, and even Pinoy showbiz. Likewise, I pretend to understand stuff he can't stop yapping about. Boxing/MMA, NBA, DotA2, or Astrophysics. 😁

5. He is a very good provider. He works hard. But even so, he can make time to take me out on a date even if it means just doing errands together or eating takeout at a parking lot.

Nevermind his butas-butas shirt.

 If there is one positive influence I have on Jan, it has got to be this.

This is his second time to summit the Philippines' highest mountain. His first climb without me (yep, partially bummed because I couldn't go) and probably his worst hiking experience by far—with plans almost scrapped, major major delays, torrential downpour, and becoming a guide for the first time in an unfamiliar trail real quick because he's the only experienced mountaineer in the group. 

It was twelve years ago when I pushed a giant papaya out of my lady parts. And fifteen months ago, I did the same thing. I wish I could say that having a baby at 24 isn't all that different from doing it at 35. But nope. I sneezed my first born out. The second one, however, felt like those exaggerated, nowhere near accurate depictions of labor and childbirth in movies. Except, it was real albeit there was no moaning, screaming, or howling on my part. My doctor had to break my water because my labor was not progressing and a few hours later, I was still stuck at 6cm.

I take pride in my DIY skills. 

I was born creative. But if we're going to be honest here, I only do it because I am cheap practical. If I can do something with what's available, I will do it if it means saving more money for better things like books I don't get to read.

I remember reading a friend's post on Facebook that said he will never ride the jeepney ever again. Another also shared about his first jeepney ride after so many years like it's a lifetime achievement or something. Knowing that they're not even someone you can consider rich, I was so quick to silently judge them for being maarte and hambog. 

You see, I grew up riding the public transpo. I have been commuting daily since I started kindergarten and I am well-aware how poor the public transportation system in our country is. DIRTY. CROWDED. HOT. Not to mention, it can also be DANGEROUS knowing how public transpo drivers can be ruthless and aggressive. You have to watch out for perverts and pickpockets, too. 

But as dreadful as it may sound, such things never really bothered me. 

Well, I didn't have a choice.

Scenario at the vaccination site: 

Kuya assistant: "Diri ang mga buntis."

And he guided every pregnant woman out of the queue but me. 

Okay.

This is not something that a lot of people can relate to. But in case you are wondering, this is how I got by those raging pregnancy hormones during the isolation. I've heard a few kids play this but from what I know, this game kept A LOT OF PEOPLE (mostly adults) from spiraling downward during the pandemic. It is truly a life saver.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons is the most expensive game I have ever bought ($60 + Nintendo Switch Online membership worth Php350/year). But with the number of hours I have played, you can tell that it is absolutely WORTH IT. If I didn't have children and a business to attend to, I would have probably spent more than 5,000 hours with it.

I often find myself reminiscing about the old days.

Those days when we get to eat out and go on spontaneous road trips every week. The time when we don't celebrate special occasions over food deliveries. The time when we conveniently fake fever to have an excuse for skipping work. Or those days when I can just hug and kiss my husband every time he comes home. Sigh.

I have been solo-parenting for almost a week now. 

And that's because our cat, Appa, bit Jan on his left leg. While Jan thinks the biting was an accident, I think otherwise. That cat has been plotting to kill me since day one but was miserably unsuccessful so it decided to take it on the husband who has a softer spot for animals than I do.

I was asked to do a speech after my name was announced. I don't exactly have an affinity for speaking, let alone an impromptu one. Usually, the words I compose in my head are not the same words that come out of my mouth. I only wanted to be grateful but instead, I uttered:

"I wrote my entry without the intention to win."

And that was only half the truth.

You see, when I decided to join the blogging competition, I would be a hypocrite if I say I didn't want to win. I wrote my piece with the Php30,000 prize money on my mind. Well, that's almost half of Rhett's tuition fee balance. Who wouldn't want that?

So I started brainstorming for topics only to be confronted by the fact that I do not have a story to tell. I do know I have the writing prowess, pero hindi ko talaga kayang tapatan ang kwento ng iba. My story pales in comparison with others. Yes, it was a mistake to read other entries before starting with mine. But I wrote anyway because I wanted to challenge myself to write something inspiring out of the ordinary. The last time I did this, my article inadvertently went viral. Sort of. Not that I'm trying to do the same thing. 

It took me at least twenty revisions and a hundred self doubts before I published my entry. And truthfully, by the time I submitted my piece a day before the deadline, I had no intention of winning. What I just wanted to do was share what I feel and make a difference—to myself at least.

The last time I joined this competition, there were 70+ entries and I did not make it to the top 20. I thought of the same thing when I learned there were 108 blog entries this season. Being part of the top 40 was good enough. And while I only hoped to win from any of the raffle draws during the virtual awarding (unfortunately, there wasn't any), I unexpectedly bagged 5th place.

Last year, we celebrated the Kadayawan Festival at home. Wait. Let me rephrase that. Last year, we stayed at home and did our usual routine—otherwise known as work—without even knowing that it was already Kadayawan. This year would definitely be different. We plan on having a feast from different restaurants and that's all thanks to Grab's Kadayawan FEASTival!

I was mindlessly scrolling Facebook, when this appeared on my feed:

For the first time in 486 years, we were finally able to do something fun outside our house.

We took a breather at Dusit Thani Lubi Plantation Resort—probably the most expensive and most magastos one-night getaway we ever had. But it's definitely worth it (and bitin).

We went there last Mother's day (which was also just a few days after our second wedding anniversary). So for two days and one night, we were able experience the lifestyle of the rich. Plus, we get to do a lot of things for the first time!

Dear future self,

2020 was not like anything we planned. Neither is 2021. By the time you read this, you're probably in your bikini somewhere in the tropics or maybe halfway around the world whining about the despicable freezing weather.

Oh, how I miss traveling! It’s petty, really, to miss traveling when an unseen killer is on the loose. But that was my favorite and biggest form of distraction when things go crazy back then. And *deep breath* things are crazier the past sixteen months. I would have wished to trade places with you, but with the vaccines rolling out,  I can feel the end of this pandemic is already beginning and I don't want to miss it.

It has been thirteen years since I got myself a brand new phone. It died on me five years later and ever since, I lived with hand-me-downs and secondhand phones. 

I wouldn't say I am a technophobe. But let it be known that I am one of those people who is totally unconcerned about using a primitive phone. 

While everyone nowadays is carrying an iPhone 12 or a Samsung S21, I still have this oldie but goodie S7—which was actually just a test device from Jan's previous work. You could say that it's pretty used when I had it, and most probably, it was a refurbished unit. But it was awesome. It does the job. So I didn't mind. 

It has been over a year since the Covid-19 pandemic. While 50% of the workforce is probably back, others have already adapted to the work-from-home setup. Some, on the other hand, are still adjusting, and may find it isolating and challenging, especially to those who have young children like me.

I have been working from home since the day I got my first job more than ten years ago (although, I did have some office experiences in between). And honestly, it’s not as wonderful as it seems to be. No alarm clocks? From bed to desk in seconds? Who doesn’t want that? 

But while you are stuck in 2-hour traffic fantasizing about working in your pajamas, here are some things people don’t tell you about working remotely. For all I know, this is not for everybody. Some may find this very convenient, while some may just have to put in more effort than others.

1. A dying social life - Sure, distractions are everywhere in the office. But when you spend eight hours of your day inside with little to no human interaction, you will begin to feel lonely. Constant isolation itself can become our worst distraction.

2. You are on your own - Got a question? Google it. Got stuck on a task? Figure it out yourself. While it is easy to chat with others on a Zoom or Google Hangout meeting, it’s not the same as bouncing ideas with co-workers in the same room to come up with a creative and brilliant solution. Whether it’s an impromptu brainstorming session over lunch or a scheduled meeting, the engagement is hard to replicate at home.

The idea of raising a child in a limited screen time environment is something the husband and I planned to do. So, even if our baby was still at 4 months, I already started scouting for toys that spark curiosity and encourage imaginative play. I wanted something that's mainly wooden because they are not only eco-friendly and safer than the plastic ones, but they are also far more visually appealing. And it was then when I realized there were only two or three stores here in Davao that sell the toys that I wanted, and they can be a bit pricey too (or at least, to most moms).

I remember back when I was a pacool kid, I avoided getting rickrolled like plague. I don't like the idea of falling for a trick where I end up watching a video of a little white guy with a big black voice and his terrible dancing. But now? I seek it out and willingly rickroll myself to enjoy the whole three minutes and thirty-three seconds breather before heading back to being sucked into an endless spiral of mindless social media scrolling. 

Two things.

One. I am addicted to rolled oats soaked in plain Greek yogurt and cinnamon.

I prepared one for the bunso but he doesn't seem to show interest in it. It was so good that I had to ask the husband to buy more for my own consumption. Whatever I eat, the baby eats anyway. 

Two. I am on a diet.

I fell off the the world for a bit, but for one good reason.

Last February, we opened our online toy store and I became too preoccupied ever since. I have been doing feasibility studies, market research, financial mapping, and business plan—which is actually just daydreaming about making it big. And all these were things that seemed insane the past few weeks. 

I am so active on Facebook nowadays. You see, I have been replying to every inquiry on every listing I made. It's tedious, honestly. Especially when the answers to those inquiries have already been posted. But I'm not complaining.  If anything, I would like to keep those "hm?" and "available pa?" coming, and hope that Facebook will not flag me for replying with the same line over and over again. Please check your inbox. Thank you. :)

I got my new driver's license today. After one year and eight months of marriage, I finally have a valid ID bearing my husband's name. 

Honestly, I could have just waited one more year to have my license revised and renewed at once (would have saved me time and money). But I think I've done enough waiting. I am excited to get slightly annoyed at people misspelling or misreading my new name—which, to no surprise, happened earlier at the licensing office. It's A-T-E-R-R-A-D-O. Not Atterado. Not Alterado. And definitely, not Alternado. It is, however, a hassle I can live with for the rest of my life.

On a serious note, we have acquired properties and signed legal documents with OUR family name because I don't want to go through all the hassle of presenting our marriage certificate every time just to prove that we are already married.

Pre-Covid days. At Samal Island, surveying our hacienda to be. Hehe ☺

I think I have already done all kinds of haircuts and styles. Pixie, bob, short, medium, long, wavy, curly, side-swept bangs, curtain bangs, blunt bangs, corncrows, name it. But the most liberating of all is this:

I think I now know what hell is like. It's where you have all the delicious food you can eat right before you but can't because your stomach is on a rather violent protest. 

Food poisoning. That's what you get for committing one of the seven deadly sins. In my defense, I was just making sure that no food will go to waste. So I ate the leftover that has been in the fridge since God knows when even though I already had two full meals five minutes earlier. 

Every day I wake up feeling like those Instagram moms who seem to have figured out motherhood only to become borderline psychotic when faced with Rhett's homework.

Of all the evil that's happening in the world, Math is probably the worst. I have been stumped multiple times by elementary Math since Rhett started his online classes six weeks ago. Apparently, I am a moron when it comes to basic Math (read: I pull out a calculator to equations like 5+3). 

My face every time I deal with Math problems.

I never thought I would come face to face with the devil again. I hate that I even have to stop any loathsome chore just to solve a problem you can't even apply in the real world. There is a reason why they are called problems. They are meant to cause a civil war between a parent and a child. We should have just left Math uninvented.

Anyway, I usually spend about an hour relearning and teaching Rhett how to answer his worksheets. Imagine my delight at going through this on a regular basis without the carnage. 

Damn. I should congratulate my awesomeness with sushi bake and milktea.

Sometimes, I amaze myself with my adulting, considering that my hormones are still on overdrive. You see, I have written a complaint—after making countless of calls and follow-ups on not having an internet connection for almost two months—in the most diplomatic way. For someone whose life depends heavily on memes and cat videos, I would have gone batshit. (Who wouldn't?) 

All this time I thought I am prepared for this. But I must have pushed that button resetting all the things I already learned about newborn care. 

I find myself Googling about things I was certain I knew before. Cord stump care, what a normal poop should look like, how much can a newborn consume, and so much more. Those seemingly ridiculous questions such as why babies pout their lips or why they make funny noises or how much milk tea can a breastfeeding momma consume also fill my search history. Thankfully, Google wouldn't mind the hundred and one weird questions I throw and doesn't judge my parenting skills based on what I search for.

Tiny beautiful human. We nicknamed him Paopao because he looks like a siopao.

In news as inconceivable as me finally eating and loving cheese, my OB has put me on a low-carb, less-sugar diet because I have gained 10 pounds within a month and it doesn't show. And for someone who has never been on a diet, IT IS SO DIFFICULT. We're scheduled for our last fetal biometry ultrasound tomorrow and we're hoping the baby has not grown too big because I want to deliver normally.

My armpits, although not perfect, is something I was not insecure about. I used to have fair armpits. It was not exactly flawless but it was enough for me to raise my arms confidently, until this pregnancy. I knew this is normal.

But I also knew that having dark, unsightly underarms is always unwelcomed, heavily criticized and, who knows, is close to becoming a taboo.

When I took this selfie, I realized how bad my armpits have become (I swear these look worse up close). I was about to delete this and give myself another round of self-disgust when the little one gave me the strongest kick I have ever felt. I was reminded that this is happening because I am carrying a life inside me. But more than that, I was reminded that I am human. Never perfect and always flawed.

I thought that my blogger duties were put on halt (if it is still not obvious, I haven't been Instagramming and blogging as regularly as I would have). For the past few days, all I did was literally eat and sleep the whole day, and Google about these aBsOLutEly HeLPfuL tHinGs iN LiFe like duck cannibalism, snake poop, and galloping crocodiles in between.

I have been declining design job opportunities and writing gigs because this pregnancy is getting more and more difficult I am simply lazy. But I wouldn't say I am lazy all the time. I make myself useful by giving the husband a pat on the back for being the hardworking man that he is because he needs more motivation to work harder now that I don't have job (and I got items on my cart waiting to be checked out). Haha. But I guess, it's also worth mentioning that I am not the whiny and demanding pregnant wife every husband is terrified about. Or to put it simply, I try not to be a burden to him even though this has got to be my life right now:

If it wasn't for the blog contest entry that I posted a few days ago, you all would have assumed that I have been zapped into Uranus and never return. Well, to those who love hate-reading me, sucks to be you, I am still here!

I kid about the haters, of course. I don't remember offending anyone or at least, not in their face. But there's probably someone out there who's willing to make a pact with the devil in hopes of seeing me lose the blog contest just so I have something to be miserable about.

Well, there's no need for that, buddy. I have already read almost all the entries and most of them are coming from professional and trained writers who showed me how inferior my writing skills are. I wouldn't even think I'd make it to the top ten. And also, my job application at Automattic was, unsurprisingly, unsuccessful.

Following our marriage last year, we have fervently prayed for a baby because, I hate to admit it, we are already in our mid-30s. We cannot deny the fact that our bio clocks are ticking. Jan and I have always wanted our own. The sooner, the better. And it was December last year when our prayers were answered. I knew 2020 is going to be our year.

Just when I thought I'm already done with video games, I find myself attacked by this:

Today, I woke up to Jan hugging me as he whispered, "May the 4th be with us."


I gave out a smile. "What a silly way to greet Happy Anniversary," I thought. But a warm feeling washed over me and suddenly, it didn’t feel silly anymore. I hugged back, kissed him on the lips, and closed my eyes. 

I cannot keep a job for more than 3 years and I do not know if that is a good or bad thing. Hopping from one job to another in a short span of time does not leave a good impression to most employers here. But my career has plateaued. If I am no longer growing and not getting any closer to my career goals, then it's love, peace, and chicken grease.

I started blogging more than a decade ago but it was only in 2015 when I started to up the ante. I wrote a lot of helpful, inspiring, and relatable posts. I focused on evergreen content. And it definitely paid off. I was able to earn, rake in a few sponsorship, get invited to exclusive events, enjoy premium services at no cost, receive PR kits and blogger mails, eat food I cannot afford, enjoy all-expense paid trips, stay in 5-star hotels for free, won awards, and more!

I bled yesterday.

It wasn't periodic nor regular. It only happened once. It wasn't heavy, not even enough to soak a pad. But it was enough to freak the hell out of us. Jan drove me to the emergency room immediately and while on our way, I was frantically all over the internet in search for immediate answers. Of course, it didn't help. If anything, it freaked me out even more.

Welcome to my new normal.

It's been what? day 14? 15? of community quarantine and at this point, even those who are so used to staying at home or maybe even the introverts who have been trained for this their entire life already feel uneasy. I thought the quarantine would be no different for me, but honestly, it is.

First, my all-expense paid trip to Vietnam was cancelled. Second, I just had a haircut and I will never get the chance to show off my Dora the Explorer fringe in public. So before this gets long enough for me to cut again, I'll share this now while I still don't look like Spock.